treatment resistant depression?

well good luck...I wish you the best!

I've never been diagnosed as "treatment resistent" however I spent 3 years trying to find the right drugs to help me. This was after being diagnosed as bi-polar II. OMG was it frustrating. My psychiatrist at the time recommended ECT. I was scared. He said that was my only option. So I moved on to another Dr. who was willing to continue my search for something else. Actually I moved thru 3 doctors until finding one that figured it all out. At the time my psychologist recommended him, I was told he had no personality but was excellent with finding the right combo that worked. Finally I found someone who helped and I became stable, what a difference.  At times I still struggle and we just adjust.  Keep trying and maybe find a new doctor, look for recommendations. Keep the faith and hope alive.

I've been trying for 22 years.

I forget exactly how many doctors I've seen - maybe 10 or 12?

Kelly,

I have been diagnosed with treatment resistant depression.  I am relatively well managed at the moment on meds, but still have the continual feeling of lower level depression.  It is just easier to get through the day now than it has been in the past.  I am always aware that the depression could and at some point probably will worsen.  Frankly, it still scares me to think of the severe depression returning.  But, I've lived with depression since my early teens and nothing so far has worked for me longer term. 

I get through with a lot of positive self talk, but mostly it is my spiritual faith that keeps me hanging on in the worst of times.  My family all lives far from me, so except for my husband, I no longer have children and grandchildren to motivate me.  Knowing that I have them and how it would hurt them for me to commit suicide has kept me from taking that path in the past, however.  Also for me, my commitment to my work keeps me hanging on.

It's not a lot to offer you, because what keeps each of us going, I think is highly individual.  You can increase your self-esteem and positive self talk, you can gain cognitive behavioral skills to help yourself through.  All of these help, but what makes one person get up in the morning is different for each of us.  At least in my opinion. 

Do you have suggestions for improving self-esteem and the ability to use positive self talk?  Because right now, especially when the depression is bad (which of course is when I need it the most), I just cannot do it.

I just bought a few books on self-esteem but have not had the energy or motivation to read them yet so I don't know if they will be helpful.

I've been in your shoes, Kelly. I've taken TONS of drugs, ECT, several hospitalizations,  and years of therapy. What turned the corner for me was the EmSam patch with Abilifiy and a SAD light. I had to increase the patch to 9mg from 6mg when I had a flare.

As my shrink says, we've found the sweet spot. I'm his only patient on EmSam and I had to bring the idea to him, but he's loving the results we're getting.

Hm.  Now that you mention it, I've heard something about the  EmSam patch but I don't know anything about it.  What can you tell me about it?

It's an MAOI but since it's delivered transdermally we don't have to worry about the dietary concerns until we get to higher doses like 12 mg. Even then the dietary concerns are not something I'm that worried about because it works for me. I'm willing to make the sacrifices (that are things like fermented products, aged cheeses, wine) that aren't that much of a sacrifice to begin with. I really suggest you look into it. I'd tried all other classes of anti-depressants before I got on this one. Some would work briefly and some not at all.

You mentioned self-esteem. Also an area where I suffer greatly. That and social phobia. Last night I forced myself to go to an al-anon meeting to help me cope with my daughter's mental illness. It was very positive for me although I didn't say a word or read or do anything except try not to cry. At the end of the meeting a woman asked me if she could hug me. I started crying (I live alone and don't get hugs or touch) and the more I cried the more hugs and positive feedback I got from people. I am DEFINITELY going back. I will have to force myself to do it again because when it comes time to go, I won't want to do it because I'll be scared again, but I'm doing it.

Keep trying--and think about that patch!

Ah, I just googled.

It's an MAOI.  I'm concerned about taking any of those right now because I am a vegetarian and in addition to other things, get some of  my protein from cheese and protein supplements.  I'm concerned about getting enough protein with the dietary restrictions required with MAOIs.

My shrink made me talk to a dietician before I started at a higher dose just to make sure I understood what was what. She told me nothing to worry about at 9mg. Talk to your doc and see what s/he says.