A challenge for the brave at heart...

I have a little challenge for you. You might call it an “assignment" but I am not nearly wise enough to be anybody’s teacher.

 

Backstory (as per usual): I was washing dishes last night and I was thinking about my mom. I spoke with her yesterday and she was crying and upset because she and my stepdad had yet another argument. Every time this happens I wonder to myself, does she even know what happiness looks like anymore? She’s spent so much time in self gratification, ruining her health and limiting her options, that I don’t know that she knows what her ideal life looks like anymore. The next time I speak with her, I plan to ask her the very question I’m about to ask you to contemplate. In doing so, I plan to consider this myself.

 

So today is Friday. Chew on this over the weekend. If you want to answer now, feel free, but really think about this question. Let it get into your brain and muse on it a little bit. I look forward to seeing what you have to say. Here goes.

 

If everything in your life was as you want it to be, what would a day in your life be like? Don’t limit your thinking on this either. The sky is the limit. If your body, finances, relationship with people, relationship with food and other factors in your life were exactly as you’d like them to be, how would a day in your life go? Where would you go in a day? What would you do? In what activities would you be engaged? Where would you live? What would you eat? What kind of work would you do?

 

I think often we know when something is NOT working, but we humans often fail to paint a good picture of what the RIGHT kind of life, or our desired kind of life, looks like. We just know we don’t want to be HERE anymore.

So if you’re up to it, think on it this weekend and I’ll start a thread on Monday. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.

I was just thinking about this coming to work this morning.  I will contemplate the answers to your questions over the weekend...but this is right on point. 

I want to answer this now, only because I have had a lot of things on my mind for the past year.... and I am considering counseling.  I tend to post anonymously in forums like this because it helps me put stuff into perspective.  I read your message and it got me thinking again about a lot of stuff.  I don't know if my response will be appropriate to what you're asking... most will think I am nuts probably.

Weight loss is not the great fantasy I thought it would be.  I thought it would make me "better", or happy.  It hasn't at all.. in some ways its made me worse.  I've lost a little over 50lbs.  This is a lot for me because I haven't been at the weight I currently am at since probably the late 80's or early 90's.  I do hope to loose more, but this journey has always been about my health, not what I look like... anyhow,

My weight-loss has caused some mental issues I cant seem to adjust to.  Maybe its too early to deal with them, maybe not.  I cant seem to buy smaller clothes.  Its not the money.  Its the clothes.  I cant let go of my fat clothes because I expect to gain weight again, as I did with my past failed diets.

My best friend bought me 4 "polo" type shirts to wear because she was upset i was looking like a rag-a-muffin at work.  I look at the shirts and my mind says "too small", you cant fit into it.  Even though I fit fine into them.  I wore a couple of them, and was so scared to leave my office for 8 hours, that I only left my office to go pee, and rushed back.

Every day I expect to gain weight despite my extremely anal approach to total bad carb avoidance, and total sugar avoidance.  I wont even try sugar free "goodies" for fear I will gain weight.  I just cant shake the failed diet mentality.

I set a personal goal of weighing 150lbs.  It was my "happy" body image from the past.  I remember I was running and playing volleyball and feeling good... HOWEVER, I am scared out of my mind about actually reaching that goal....  Which makes me wonder about people who fail at RNY.  Do they fail because they didnt follow instructions?  or did they fail because they could not mentally adjust to their new skinnier lifestyle?  did they hate or not understand about being thin?  did they prefer being "invisible"?

What would my day be like if it were "perfect"?  I don't know.  And I get sad about it because I am not sure what my perfect day is.  What do I do?  I think the whole "lots of money" and "good health" thing to make you happy is a myth.

I can soooo relate to your thoughts.

I'd still encourage you to think this over and see what you come up with. Not just broad things like in your last paragraph, but little things. Because in reality your post is a good example of what I mean. You have this whole post describing what's wrong and one paragraph that broadly touches on what right looks like. Do you know?

I know I struggle with this. What do I WANT? What DID I want going into this process? I think it'll be a cleansing thing and will help us all.

But I just want you to know you're not alone in how you feel. Not by a long shot.

Hugs.

PSX-

I would suggest yoga for you.  Connect your body and mind - in one.  The continued practice will slow down your"monkey mind"  and allow you to be and to accept.  Try it please... continue for a while until you work into an 1 and 1/2 hr class.  The results are really phenomenal.

Regular walking and exercising - weight lifting all help you connect to your new body.  Good Luck

I too will think about this over the weekend.  It is something playing on my mind lately because I am having a hard time finding a 'happy' spot in my life BUT I don't know what I need to do to make it happy.

Sarah

I'm going to start now and then follow up on Monday with maybe some deeper stuff.

I had a heart attack at 42 ( now 47). Fell into a depression and daily panic over dying. Gained 60 lbs. I have a daughter who is 10. I can't tell you how many thoughts I have had about not seeing the milestones in her life or helping her through the rough spots - first love and break-up, it goes on.

My ideal life is being healthy enough to have a prognosis regarding my heart for living a long life. The moments I look forward to are bike riding with Isabelle, snow sleding and being able to get back up the hill more than once. She is obsessed with water parks. I want to make it up the 10 flights of stairs and come down the big slide with her, again more than once.

I dream of having adventures with her every week. I want to participate in her fun and no****ch from the sidelines.

I would travel on vacations, and have the stamina to walk and see all of the sights. Just a couple of months ago we went to Mt Rushmore. I could not do the cave tour - 700 steps. I could not do the walking/hiking around the monument, again more climbing and steps. So I sit on the sidelines, hang out in the gift shop and wait for my husband and daughter to return.

It will be like heaven when I get down the road and realize I am doing all of those fun things that will give my daughter great memories of her childhood.

I will be able to stand in a store (instead of finding a chair to sit) while she spends forever deciding how to spend her birthday money from some relative.

When I see a celebrity's marriage end in divorce I always think, she's so beautiful, why would anyone leave her. It's my sick mentality. Still I think skinny = happy. But I am realizing that's screwed up thinking. Losing weight will equal a fuller life and happiness. Losing weight and still sitting on the sidelines won't equal happiness.

Commenting on the post up above. I don't want to give up my fat clothes. Keep thinking I don't want to have to buy another wardrobe next year when the weight comes back. I am also still wearing tent like clothes. Loser clothes make me feel like somehow I'm hiding my weight - what a joke. I went last week to buy a coverup for the pool. The smaller size fit great, but I couldn't convince myself to buy it - I wanted all the extra room so I can still hide. I think as time goes by that will get better.

I'll stop rambling for now. Great topic... I look forward to everyone's responses.

Good stuff. I don't want to be too persnickety, but I want to hear about a DAY in your life. One day. What would a day look like? The reason I stress the day is because big goals sometimes get lost in the many little steps it takes to achieve them.

I look forward to hearing a day in your ideal life!

Good Morning Nik,   Can I sum it up into wht would make me happy in 1 whole year?  After that year I might change my mind. See the problem I have is people don't realize how big the world is. Todays wish will probaly be tomorrow's after thought....................................................................
People like the young lady above (anonymous) have put themselves in a BOX........... No Ma'am,  Not here!    She has to realize that SHE is WORTHY of this change,  SHE is WORTHY of this journey. And if your trail derails,  CATCH THE NEXT ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care if you walk, fly, bike, scooter, cruise, jump, skip, hop....................JUST 
"KEEP IT MOVIN"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE MY "OH"Family

 I always liked that quote "the unexamined life is not worth living". Thinking about this post, I would say that overall there's little I would change about my life. I'm blessed to have a wonderful husband to share my life with. Sometimes we say we wish other people/family wouldn't get in the way of our bliss.... but that'll have to wait till we retire to Costa Rica! 

To have everything in my life as I'd wish, I would change my finances. Lottery winner? Just more clients? Or more restraint on shopping? Not sure how I'd get there but I know how I got HERE and it's really all my doing. I'd wish that my husband would have more satisfaction in his career, as I sometimes feel guilty about the luck I've had in mine. I'd be more assertive, as passivity gets me steamrolled by some family members. I'd DEFINATELY have exercise an integral component of my daily life but am well on my way of making that part of my reality. Food? I'm still in the honeymoon period so not having too many cravings but would just want a continued mentality of "eat to live".

Risking sounding snooty, I honestly wouldn't want to change much about my life and am overall quite happy - surgery and losing weight is just the last step I needed to get where I want to go!