OT - self esteem question

 One thing I tell clients is "fake it till you make it". Yes, changing your self-concept feels fake at first. Any change feels unnatural when we start. I agree with Joyce on being careful what you say to yourself. Any automatic & negative thoughts deserve refuting & replacing. E.G - if you automatically think "It's always gonna be this bad and I don't deserve any better", question "who says? what proof do I have that it won't change? maybe it's bad now but I do deserve better and it'll get better because sometimes it has". Hope this helps....

Just a few thoughts, Kelly.

Feelings are "just feelings" - they aren't TRUTH.  I find "feelings" are often related to external cir****tances.  Losing my job can make me "feel" worthless, inept, uneducated, unimportant - etc. but that doesn't mean any of those things are True.

I am a Christ follower and I find my value in what God says about me - who He says I am.

I have had so many "feelings" that I look back on and can see that they were LIES.  Sometimes the feelings or lies can paralyze me (my choice) from becomming the person I'm meant to be.

I often use the Bible to find truth.  I do read cognitive therapy and self improvement books - religious and non religious.  I like books by Beth Moore.  Many books I've read to help me in my weight loss journey have also helped me with self esteem issues.  So much depends on how I "think" about myself and what is going on.

It is work and takes much effort to keep positive.  I often have to have "little coversations or counselng sessions" with myself.  I try to treat myself the way I would treat others - loving, respectful, compassionate.

Hoping you can find someone to talk with.  Thinking of you.

When ever I am feeling inadequete I recite one of my favorite scriptures which is Jeremiah 29:11I even carry it in my wallet it says
i know the plans I have for you declares the Lord , plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a  future. I also recite part of Psalms 149 that says You are fearfully and wonderfully made

This is an interesting question.

I'm sorry that your therapist was such an idiot.

I don't know how to improve self esteem. But I do want you to know that your opinion is one of those that I value above almost all others here. You are among a handful of posters who opinion is highest on my list. I always read your posts. I can only hope you will value yourself as much as I value you!

I've felt a bit down myself lately. with my principal choosing an outsider over me for the department head, my self-esteem took a huge hit. I found myself wondering if I had missed the boat and would be a mediocre teacher for the rest of my life. Would I never amount to more than what I am now? Luckily for me, I had to dump all those feelings and focus on my summer school endeavors. During the summer I am always elevated in rank, even above the position for which I was turned down. For the summer I am an equal to my principal as I am, in a way, the principal of the summer school program. This has helped get me back on an even keel and feel better about my own self-worth.

Another thing I've done to help my self-esteem to be brought a little higher is to go over some of my past acheivements. As silly as it sounds, I recently googled myself, and looking through my list of publications helps me to realize the impact I've had and the things I've done

I'm also taking the time to go over a bunch of short stories I wrote when I was in college. I recently found the old computer disk with those files on it, and have been trying to save as many of those that I can (a lot were corrupted)..... So far I've saved 549 short stories, with over 1.3 million words and more than 1100 pages worth, and I'm still working on it. They might not be anything I've ever had the courage to share, but it makes me feel better, as I read through those old stories, and remember the talent I have.

Another way I'vve been dealing with my self-esteem issues is working on my teaching for next school year. I have no control over the new department head, or how she is going to act, nor how highly (or poorly) I will rate in her estimation. But I KNOW I'm good at what I do, and so I've been working to be an even BETTER teacher than before.

Just an idea - practice stopping trains of thought and redirecting them.

For example, if I'm thinking, I'm not attractive...I just keep mulling over this thought - with detail - until if grows and grows and affects my self esteem.  If I learn to redirect my thoughts, it could help me.  I have to learn to recognize this internal "radio" message and to say "stop" - and redirect my thoughts.  At first, I may have to have a "script"- for example, maybe I decide to think about a fun time I had at the beach last year each and every time I feel like my internal radio is sabatoging me.

I would also shop for a new therapist -- good girl for firing the incompetent one.

I wonder if you would be better off with a life coach.  I don't know if you can just go find one of them.  I say this because I have been blessed to have some people in my work life who were absolutely fantastic and greatly helped my confidence and self-esteem.  One was my boss for 18 months and he would always tell me how good I am.  I didn't believe it when he said it, but even after he moved one I could hear him saying - You're good, you're really good.  I think we don't have enough people in our lives who look for the best in us and don't get to experience this.  I also do work for my church on their vacation bible school program and the lady who runs it is fantastic and is always thanking me for my work and telling me how smart I am.  Now when I hear these things I actually believe them.  I do pray a lot and God has helped me, but it takes a long time.  I also seek out good people at work and ask them to coach me.  Some of them will talk with me about all areas of my life, not justs work.  Everything in life impacts our performance at work and it is great if we can take care of the whole person.

I wish you the best and hope you find someone to help you.  I pray that God puts that person in your path. 

I know I am chiming in a few days later... but my counselor has me do a couple of things for working on self-esteem:
1) I made a list of things I like about myself. They couldn't be physical (no "I like my green eyes" type thing). I only came up with 4. Those qualities are on post-it notes throughout my house - bathroom mirror, bookmarking the book I am reading (Self Talk Soul Talk), etc. I am supposed to read them out loud a couple of times a day, but I don't do that much anymore.

2) Affirmation - I wrote a paragraph of affirmation - that I am valuable to my niece and nephews, my close circle of friends, my "Family outside of family" (work, church, etc); it also talks about God having a plan, etc

As for finding a counselor, don't give up. There are some truly wise and caring individuals in the profession, the hard part is weeding out the duds.