OT - self esteem question

Thanks, I'll check out the book.

I have started to respond to you 3 times and something(someone) always seems to interrupt me.  Hopefully I can finish this time. 

Most of the books I read are religious so what I like may not be something you are interested in reading.  My all time favorite is the Power of Positive Thinking.  It is an oldie, but I think it is still relevant today.  This helped me get over an abusive relationship I was in 20 years ago. 

I have been thinking of buying So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. 

 I've been retired on disability due to manic- depression for almost 20 years now.  I don't see a therapist anymore, but I am on meds.  I used to see therapists a lot untile I got a very wise man who told me that my depression was progressing and that he'd refuse to see me unless I saw a psychiatrist and started taking some meds.  Back then, the therapists all assumed that I only had depression--not manic-depression-- and I was treated like I'd be depressed and get better.  I know they no longer treat patients for such short periods of time.  Once I saw a shrink, I first start on anti-depressants which helped a lot.  I was able to keep working for another 3 years but my condition got worse.  Even when they realized I had manic-depression, I was still able to work about 18 mos while on meds.

I mention all of this because I was very resistant to taking meds at all.  That seemed like a drastic step and I didn't think my condition was that serious.  I've since found that it runs in my father's family and I have several family members who suffer from depression or manic-depression and all of them who have the "family curse" are on meds.  Not everyone in the family gets it and it does affect males and females alike.  My only sibling has depression and is on meds, but he's been able to keep working as a leading scientist.

For me when I am feeling really down, positive self talk is hard because at the time I don't believe it...it just feels like words coming out of my mouth without meaning if that makes any sense. During these times I have to take it moment by moment. I will force myself to do something that will occupy my mind like making a meal or baking for my family. I'll look stuff up on the computer or I'll come on to OH and read a lot of messages. Any little thing to get me through that moment. I wish I had an answer on how to improve self esteem. I hope you find a therapist that you connect with. I'm grateful that I finally found one. I know you don't know me but I understand what you are going through and I'm here if you want to talk...just send an email.

Positive affirmations. 

Having recently been divorced I was talking so negatively about myself, it hit me hard.  I would go to bed crying at night wondering why, am I a bad person, do I not deserve to be happy.  After about 2 weeks of self-pity I had to change my attitude.  I started daily looking in the mirror telling myself all the good things about me. 

Kelly, you are intelligent and a good person.  Sit down and write all the positive attributes about yourself.....stop those negative tapes, rewind them and throw them away. 

Go look in the mirror and tell yourself "I love me"; repeat it as often as you can everyday.

I know this sounds weird but I act the opposite of how I am feeling.  Pretty soon it sticks in my head.  Also do things that make you feel good and that you enjoy.  Just my 2 cents.  {{Hugs}}

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that deals with this.  I have resigned from committees, withdrawn from family and friends.  All because, I feel I have nothing to offer.  I don't like myself very much and basically feel like a failure constantly.  When I resigned from the committees at church, I told one of the ladies I was resigning from life.  And the sad thing about it is I meant it at the time.  I don't have a therapist.  Wish I did.  But then I'd be afraid of the same thing Kelly went through. 

Alright, I don't anticipate this going over very well, but here it is:

What really does help me feel better about myself is to focus my most critical eye on the flaws and shortcomings of the people around me.

WAIT!!  Don't hit the "flame" button just yet.

Though yes, I'm serious about that. 

Because when I critically scrutinize all those flaws and vices and shortcomings, I invariably then realize how little that all matters to me; how fallible, flawed and imperfect my loved ones are, how much I still find them perfectly lovable, and still truly want them to be happy.  And then I turn that realization inward. I am deeply flawed, all too fallible, but that just makes me like everyone else, and I want me to be happy too. They are good enough the way they are.

And so am I.

Does this make sense?

No flaming

It makes perfect sense to me.  We are our worst enemies sometimes.

Kelly,
I've been reading your posts for almost 2 years now. You've helped so many people and answered so many questions in those months. Newbies often ask the same questions and so they appear over & over & over. I have noticed that you have a lot of patience with that and take the time to answer those questions even if they could find the answers already asked & answered if they looked. Many vets lose patience with the constant repetition of it all, but you hang in there and give them feed back and advice and just the listening ear of a vet. I know you helped me early out when my blood work showed some problems. Thank you for all your patience and caring!!!
Your former therapist sounds like an idiot & I'm glad you got rid of them. I've been watching that new show, "Addicted to Food" & the therapist there does have the clients repeat affirmations of self esteem and body parts they like (even though they may actually be the most hated) and it seems to work over time.
I hope you find peace and reasons to feel good about yourself again. From my perspective, you are a great person, one who cares about others and offers support to them! Take care of yourself.

Rhonda