OT - self esteem question

This may sound like a question for my therapist, but I just fired her the other day after  she told me I was un-intelligent for thinking of suicide sometimes, among other things.

So how do you improve your self-esteem?  What do you do during those times you feel really, really down on yourself?

My self esteem is a work in progress, but when I'm feeling really, really down I try to tell myself the opposite of what I'm feeling.  It helps to look in the mirror and repeat those affirmations over and over.  Some days it helps more than others, but it seems like if I say it enough I might start to believe it. 

Are you able to do that when it feels like what you're saying isn't true?  I get that eventually it might start to feel true, and certainly telling myself negative things over and over again is not going to help my self esteem... but it's hard to tell myself positive things when it feels like a lie.

You definately will start believing them!  You're believing the negatives now, right? 

I do that as well.  I have gone as far as put positive messages on my mirror that I can read every morning. 

Wow. What kind of therapist would say something like that? I'm glad you got rid of her!! All therapists are not that narrow-minded or unthoughtful. I've had my therapist for 5 years now and I just love him!! But it took quite a few years of trying to find a therapist that fit with me. It's scary because we obviously are vulnerable while trying to find a therapist, so our self-esteem is wide-open to sensitive issues. Please don't give up on finding a good therapist. I have dealt with depression and suicide thinking all my life. I'm with you on this journey. If you need to talk, let me know and I'll give you my e-mail. Take care!!

 I know everyone hates Dr. Laura but she did have a few good things to say and one of the best is when she said "If you want to have good self esteem, do esteem-able things."  When I want to feel good about myself I do things that help other people.  I never feel better about myself then when I am doing something good for others.  Volunteering, donating, picking up litter, returning the money I think the guy in front of me at the grocery dropped (All I know is I say a wad with a twenty on top and boy could I have used it but it wasn't mine).  Opening the door for the elderly or disabled, helping a neighbor with their groceries, smiling at someone who looks down.  Even when I feel at my worse I can find something to do to make someone else feel better.

I have struggled with self esteem issues all my life.  Sometimes I follow my advice and others I hide in my house and force myself to get out of bed each day.  I try to read uplifting books and listen to uplifting music.  I also journal.  Years ago I started a gratitude journal.  I would list everything that is good in my life.  Volunteering helps me a lot.  I play music at a local nursing home.  They are so appreciative.  I can't leave without feeling great.  I also try to surround myself with positive people.  I have a friend that is constantly telling my I am a beautiful person.  Finally I pray. 

Any particular books you would recommend?

Kelly,

David Burns has a book called Ten Days to Self Esteem, I have often used exercises from that book with clients.  Do I really think you have self esteem in ten days?  No, but I think it helps with the journey.

I use positive self talk all the time and no, it didn't work for me to tell myself things I didn't believe, but it did work to tell myself things I did believe.  For example, "I will always be this depressed" turns to "No, I've had many periods of being less depressed, even at times joyful".  I challenge my negative thinking which is almost never completely true.  Words like always and never are ready clues that thinking is distorted, because those words rarely apply when we are talking about ourselves. 

Today I have had great difficulty being motivated and getting things done.  My head says things like "you are lazy", "you always procrastinate" and "you'll never get things done that you want to do".  Well, I'm not lazy, but sometimes I act that way.  I don't always procrastinate, but sometimes I do.  And I usually get done what needs to be done.  I give myself a blunt dose of the truth.  That takes self awareness and the willingness to respect your own truth. 

In the posts that I have seen from you here on OH, I could come up with several positive affirmations about you.  This based only on the limited glimse that I get of you on here.  I'm certain there are many more.

I believe self-esteem is an evolving process, more challenging for some of us than for others.  Best wishes to you on your journey!