now I wanna vent
Like my earlier post, this has nothing to do with WLS, and I really appreciate everyone's support.
I had an appt with my therapist this afternoon and I was really looking forward to it. I was having a really hard day and was really hoping for some help. I have not been seeing this therapist for very long but felt OK about her.
Well, I started explaining how bad I was feeling and I swear, she didn't say a single thing that was helpful. I left feeling significantly worse than when I got there.
She asked me if I felt suicidal at all and I admitted a little. She said she'd always thought of me as being an intelligent person but that was very un-intelligent.
I explained the trouble I was having writing and how upsetting it was to me and she suggesting if it was too hard to write an article, I try writing something easier. She suggested haiku. It's short, doesn't have to rhyme, etc. Um, yeah. I'll just drop an email to my publisher who is waiting for these past due articles on toxic mold (fascinating topic, huh?) and ask if he'd like some haiku on mold instead.
At one point I started getting really frustrated. She said oh, it looked like I was getting mad. She said she liked that I was getting mad. Now, I'm pretty sure she meant she liked that I was showing emotion instead of being kind of flat like I was when I first got there, but you know, that really made me mad. I was already feeling anxious and aggitated so why would you want to make me mad? Wouldn't it be better to help me calm down, to feel relaxed or comforted?
She also told me I should make sure I spend at least ten minutes out in the sun every day because I need to make sure I get enough vitamin D. I told her I definitely do get enough vitamin D, I take 50,000 IU four days a week. That's significantly more than you'd get from ten minutes a day in the sun. I bet my D level is much better than hers. I sure don't need her giving me vitamin advice. And when I told her how much D I take, you know what she said? That's not good enough, I need the "real stuff" from the sun.
Those are only a few things that stick out in my mind about the appt. I was much more upset when I left than when I arrived. All I really wanted was to talk about how I was feeling and for someone to sympathize and maybe understand. But apparently she doesn't do that.
I had an appt with my therapist this afternoon and I was really looking forward to it. I was having a really hard day and was really hoping for some help. I have not been seeing this therapist for very long but felt OK about her.
Well, I started explaining how bad I was feeling and I swear, she didn't say a single thing that was helpful. I left feeling significantly worse than when I got there.
She asked me if I felt suicidal at all and I admitted a little. She said she'd always thought of me as being an intelligent person but that was very un-intelligent.
I explained the trouble I was having writing and how upsetting it was to me and she suggesting if it was too hard to write an article, I try writing something easier. She suggested haiku. It's short, doesn't have to rhyme, etc. Um, yeah. I'll just drop an email to my publisher who is waiting for these past due articles on toxic mold (fascinating topic, huh?) and ask if he'd like some haiku on mold instead.
At one point I started getting really frustrated. She said oh, it looked like I was getting mad. She said she liked that I was getting mad. Now, I'm pretty sure she meant she liked that I was showing emotion instead of being kind of flat like I was when I first got there, but you know, that really made me mad. I was already feeling anxious and aggitated so why would you want to make me mad? Wouldn't it be better to help me calm down, to feel relaxed or comforted?
She also told me I should make sure I spend at least ten minutes out in the sun every day because I need to make sure I get enough vitamin D. I told her I definitely do get enough vitamin D, I take 50,000 IU four days a week. That's significantly more than you'd get from ten minutes a day in the sun. I bet my D level is much better than hers. I sure don't need her giving me vitamin advice. And when I told her how much D I take, you know what she said? That's not good enough, I need the "real stuff" from the sun.
Those are only a few things that stick out in my mind about the appt. I was much more upset when I left than when I arrived. All I really wanted was to talk about how I was feeling and for someone to sympathize and maybe understand. But apparently she doesn't do that.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
You needed support and reassurance from your therapist, and you certainly did not get that today! She doesn't sound like a very intuitive counselor, at least not today, anyway. I saw the same counselor for 10 years and recently 'fired' him and am searching for a suitable replacement. He just became too comfortable and thought doing his thing, answering the phone, talking about his own issues, etc., during the time I was paying him to listen to me vent, help me sort out my own issues, and all the things you do in therapy. It actually sounds like she was intentionally pushing your buttons to get a rise out of you--to what purpose, I have no idea. Her haiku solution to your writing dilemma was absolutely ridiculous. She could have told you to set aside time to meditate before you write, to get an inner stillness or peace, and then let your creative juices flow.
I'm always amazed at how different individual therapists are. I know it isn't really funny, but I couldn't help laughing at the absurdity of her suggesting haiku when you have REAL writing that NEEDS done! Although I understand her suggestion of trying to write something a bit easier in terms of focused mental attention (sometimes once you get started writing, it sort of opens things up), but still. IT also is one thing fro someone to suggest 10 minutes a day in the sun for an emotional/psychological "lift", but I would have been annoyed, too, if she tried to tell me that I needed "real" vitamin D form the sun when I was supplementing so much. Bottom line is that I probably would have been angry (and more depressed when I left than when I went in) too.
It sounds to me like perhaps she just did not really know WHAT to say to you to help and was sort of grasping at straws. (Been there, done that... not often, but occasionally I have felt like I had nothing useful to offer... and I sometimes just tell the client that... and that I wish I hAd a magic wand or a simple solution... and then I just hope that the client was able to get SOMETHING of use from the session... if only knowing that I care about them and am "in their corner".) Sometimes all a therapist can offer is that caring and a safe place to talk. I'm sorry she did not give you that...
Hang in there.
Lora
It sounds to me like perhaps she just did not really know WHAT to say to you to help and was sort of grasping at straws. (Been there, done that... not often, but occasionally I have felt like I had nothing useful to offer... and I sometimes just tell the client that... and that I wish I hAd a magic wand or a simple solution... and then I just hope that the client was able to get SOMETHING of use from the session... if only knowing that I care about them and am "in their corner".) Sometimes all a therapist can offer is that caring and a safe place to talk. I'm sorry she did not give you that...
Hang in there.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
See, a safe place to talk would have been just fine. I wanted to talk. I feel like I didn't get to talk much. She wasn't listening. I wasn't expecting her to have any great solutions for me. I just wanted to talk.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Kelly, we are all glad that you have felt safe to vent here.... and we are listening.
The thing she said about the sun, something about the sun actually triggers your body make the serotonin...I don't remember, if it was Just the D ... tho......I do know that the more I am in the sun the less depression I have.... In the winter I use a "sunlight lamp" and it helps me greatly...my mood is better and my arthritis hurts less than when I don't use it.
Some people don't understand that sometimes all they have to do is listen. talking it out usually helps me to sort my problems out...so the listener serves the purpose of giving me a catalyst to put my thoughts togather in a logical manner...
I am sorry that you had to authorize payment to someone who did not serve you. Take care of yourself! you are worth the effort and you can contribute that article in a manner that will be acceptable.
The thing she said about the sun, something about the sun actually triggers your body make the serotonin...I don't remember, if it was Just the D ... tho......I do know that the more I am in the sun the less depression I have.... In the winter I use a "sunlight lamp" and it helps me greatly...my mood is better and my arthritis hurts less than when I don't use it.
Some people don't understand that sometimes all they have to do is listen. talking it out usually helps me to sort my problems out...so the listener serves the purpose of giving me a catalyst to put my thoughts togather in a logical manner...
I am sorry that you had to authorize payment to someone who did not serve you. Take care of yourself! you are worth the effort and you can contribute that article in a manner that will be acceptable.
Gawd Kelly, I'd have been p.o.'d too. I consider myself an intelligent person and when I ever here someone saying that suicidal thoughts are stupid, immature, the coward's way out, etc, I wish I could "bonk" them upside the head with the nearest available object! Like I've said before, everyone's depression is unique, no two are the same. But, others that suffer day to day with it can at least relate. It doesn't matter what the reasons that everyone or anyone gives why a person shouldn't contemplate their on death....They cannot fathom the kind of daily torture of our our mental and emotional well being that we, or at least I, give ourselves.
I have been in need of a good therapist that would, I guess, "get me" and that I would feel it is productive to talk to. But, ya know it's really hard. Just because they've studied it in school does not a good therapist make. It's really hard-pressed to find an enlightened therapist that actually has ANY remote idea of what life is like. Oh, just give yourself positive affirmations and you'll eventually believe it yourself. I call "bull****!" That is not true. They don't understand that these feelings are imprinted into my being and the thoughts and feelings I have are my reality. Everyday, from the time I might fall asleep, to the first thing when I wake up. I've tried every addiction known to man to try and cover it up, but it doesn't go anywhere. No medication and no idiot telling me to "pop" myself with a rubber band on my wrist every time I have a bad thought about myself is going to help. So, yeah, sometimes things get pretty bleak. There's no pretty other side. I just keep trying to find things to give me a glimmer of hope for a little while and see how it all rolls out. Right now, this WLS is that thing. And to all of you, who want to start preaching, I am well aware that WLS doesn't solve my problems. But, guess what nothing else does either! So right now the hope of maybe one day being even remotely happy, is keeping me here and willing to fight for another little while. When/if things don't get better in my life, then I'll try to figure something else out.
Sorry this turned out to be a little rant of my own. Just wanted you know that you have every right to feel how you do and personally I'm disgusted that she trivialized what you were expressing and all the while inferring you're not intelligent for feeling this way. Just know that while I don't KNOW how you feel, I can at least relate. And you're right the mold thing probably isn't that exciting to write about. Maybe, in that, lies some of the issue. I know I can't do something that doesn't spark an interest for me. My brain will just go blank. If I'm on a kick about wanting to research and learn or write about it, I can di**** out. (Kinda like this post!!) Maybe since this topic you have to write about is of no interest to you (well, from the sound of your post it's not) you can't "put out" on command anymore. IDK...I'm no therapist!!!
I have been in need of a good therapist that would, I guess, "get me" and that I would feel it is productive to talk to. But, ya know it's really hard. Just because they've studied it in school does not a good therapist make. It's really hard-pressed to find an enlightened therapist that actually has ANY remote idea of what life is like. Oh, just give yourself positive affirmations and you'll eventually believe it yourself. I call "bull****!" That is not true. They don't understand that these feelings are imprinted into my being and the thoughts and feelings I have are my reality. Everyday, from the time I might fall asleep, to the first thing when I wake up. I've tried every addiction known to man to try and cover it up, but it doesn't go anywhere. No medication and no idiot telling me to "pop" myself with a rubber band on my wrist every time I have a bad thought about myself is going to help. So, yeah, sometimes things get pretty bleak. There's no pretty other side. I just keep trying to find things to give me a glimmer of hope for a little while and see how it all rolls out. Right now, this WLS is that thing. And to all of you, who want to start preaching, I am well aware that WLS doesn't solve my problems. But, guess what nothing else does either! So right now the hope of maybe one day being even remotely happy, is keeping me here and willing to fight for another little while. When/if things don't get better in my life, then I'll try to figure something else out.
Sorry this turned out to be a little rant of my own. Just wanted you know that you have every right to feel how you do and personally I'm disgusted that she trivialized what you were expressing and all the while inferring you're not intelligent for feeling this way. Just know that while I don't KNOW how you feel, I can at least relate. And you're right the mold thing probably isn't that exciting to write about. Maybe, in that, lies some of the issue. I know I can't do something that doesn't spark an interest for me. My brain will just go blank. If I'm on a kick about wanting to research and learn or write about it, I can di**** out. (Kinda like this post!!) Maybe since this topic you have to write about is of no interest to you (well, from the sound of your post it's not) you can't "put out" on command anymore. IDK...I'm no therapist!!!
I only strive to be, the kind of person my dogs think I am! 
Of the choices we are given, it's no choice at all....
-Patty Griffin
There probably won't be a next session. I'm thinking of looking for a new therapist. I can't see this kind of therapy being helpful at all, and it really seems like it might be harmful.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
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