OT--Teenage issues

    I have an almost 13 yr old daughter who I have homeschooled for last half of 7th. She had a friend from her former school who we tried to keep contact with after we moved..BIG MISTAKE! She is that friend who encourages her to wear heavy make-up, dress HER way and be sneaky. My DH and I made a decision lately that she is now off limits due to the issues she caused when she was over. Her parents often drop her off and expect a free 3 day weekend out of it

 So..I got my cell bill and saw an extra $40 of text charges. That confused me since we have unlimited. I called the cell company and they said it was international texts and there were 406 texts @ .20 a piece. So..you guessed it..her friend texted a Facebook boyfriend in Canada on my daughters phone while she was here. I am so pissed cause we don't have the $ to pay for that crap. Do I call the parents and demand the $$ or just let it go? We have signed on for parental controls so we can block the friends number and so on.
 
   I am hoping that when she attends 8th grade at the local school..she meets some quality friends. This naughty friend was one who tried to mold her to what she wanted..I told her a real friend loves you for who you are..not who they can change you into. Thanks for letting me rant.

                                                                                   Kim

 You have my sympathy.  I have an almost 16 year old I home school because the public schools are so bad.  There is no learning going on unless it's how to use drugs and drink.
She had quite a few friends that I felt were bad influences so I know how you feel.
Anyway, I would ask the parents to pay for the charges since she incurred them.  I wouldn't let $40 go but somehow I sincerely doubt they will pay.  They sound like they are the reason the girl is the way she is.

I'd ask them to pay for it and I'd even tell them that their daughter won't be welcomed at your house again until it is paid. Then, if they don't pay, it's still a win for you!

just playing devil's advocate but can you PROVE it was the friend before you go to the parents and ask for the money?  they will say it was your daughter texting and blamng it on their daughter ... just saying.  :) 

If it was me, I would pay the $40 and ban the girl from calling or coming over.  There would be no more contact with this person.  Block her number from the household phone and your daughter's cellphone, remove her from the FB page, and block her from e-mail.  It's a shame you would have to go through all that but you have to do what you have to do.

I'd mention it to the parents - but what are the odds they will pay? The daughter got her behavior from somewhere. Sounds like her parents aren't too vigilant (I realize I could be totally wrong here).

You'll prob end up paying - I know you don't have the $$$ but companies many times allow payment plans in these instances - but I like the idea of the previous poster who mentioned all the blocking. Then your daughter won't even know if/when the other girl is trying to connect and things will be a lot smoother.

What does your daughter say about the Canadian texts? I guess actually she prob thought since you had unlimited that meant for Canada too, huh, since she's only 13?

I can empathize with you. I have a 15 YO daughter and a 27 YO daughter so been there, done that. I'm just glad you are keeping such an eye on yours. They really need it at that age, even though they don't think so and they resent it. You'll be glad later, believe me.

Hang in there Mom. =)

I agree to ask the parents and figure you will get nowhere with it.

Having 2 teen age boys I have had to deal with bad Friends as well and I have found that the more you push them away the worse your child will fight it.  It is hard, I did the opposite with the last one, I invited the "child" over but they were never alone.  We watched movies as a family, we had dinner as a family, we walked the mall together, I never left them alone.  It didn't  bother my son at all he is used to me being everywhere he is, but the other "child" was discouraged and after several trips like this decided that I was too involved and my son too much of a mama's boy to bother with. 

 1 other was an older girlfriend (almost 4 years older) I did the same thing, she now tells me she respects me more than her parents and that because of me she is entering the military and getting on with her life.   some kids need someone to show them the way.  It is never easy
teen agers are bullied and pushed so hard now.

Please know you are not alone and your daughter is not the first to do these things.

My rule of thumb on clothes is this
Is it is clean?
Is it something you can thrown out of school for?
Do your under britches show? Or (Bras for girls)
If no then you are OK to wear it - I may not like it but I will not buy it and you use your money

Also with hair it will wash out or grow out - No tattoo's or piercings until you are on your own and using your own money.  Just remember what it will look like when you are 70.

I would call the parents and let them know.  If they did not offer to pay I would let them know I expected reimbursement.  I would also let them know that they just can't drop her off without advance planning and permission.  I would end the visits.  I would let the parents know that there are no sleepovers due the the specific issues (international texts, other issues.  I did this once with my daughter's friend when she helped my daughter (twice) set up a Facebook account and email addresses when she knew my daughter was not allowed to have them.  Funny thing,  this girl wasn't allowed to have one either and her mom did not think she had one.

You need to get your daughter involved around your new community in groups that are going to expose her to a good group of kids.  If you live near a YMCA see if there is a leadership program.  My son is in one near us and the quality of people he has met there is good.  There are also scouting, explorer, indian guide programs, taekwondo or other activities.

I would just find a way to pay it and avoid any further contact with this girl and her family.

BTW, that is cheap, my 16 yod went to Canada with French club and checked her FB from her phone, to the tune of $22 - $36 each time she logged on (5 times in 4 days).

Ummmm, didn't I pay all that money for the trip so you would be occupied?????

I like the advice that Sookie gave.