OT: emotional smackdown

Lora,

I'm so sorry that you will have to find another therapist. I'm avoiding doing that myself, but I should be doing it. I know just how you feel about diving into a thing of ice cream and thinking about it so much afterward... I'm not proud to say that I took a header into the baskin robbins on a particularly bad day about a month or two ago. I probably beat myself up about it on a regular basis for a few weeks afterward, so I hope you'll be able to let go of your hagen daaz faster than I was able to let go of my BR...

Sending much love and many hugs your way!
Huggles!!
~Sarah~

The best legacy your therapist will leave you with is the strength to push through the crisis you feel over this loss.  While she is no longer physically available to you, what you have learned from her will be forever inside for you to draw upon.

As a child of abuse and incest, I have spent many years in counseling as well, and have had some really terrific counselors.

What I have discovered each time that I have had to move on is that there is growth in the moving on.  As comfortable as I may have been with a counselor, when I moved on to another I have always found a new perspective and additional enlightenment as every counselor (and human being for that matter) has something to teach us... 

With regard to turning to the ice cream, I would not put too much stock in that as I think even the healthiest people sometimes take comfort in ice cream. 

Wishing you much comfort and success as you continue upon journey... 

Thanks for all that you share.
I sorry you are losing someone you trust. I had a great therapist and I have had some not great ones. Even the bad ones taught me some things.
I think strawberry HD is a good calcium source.
Take care,
Deb T>

"I think strawberry HD is a good calcium source."

I like the way you think.    Fortunately, I ate most of what was left last night, though.

Thanks,

Lora

I'm sorry Lora

Not being a therapist myself, I can only imagine what it must be like seeing this from both sides. I know when my therapist of several years moved on I was devastated. She had helped me live again. It took me a good couple of years to re-connect with another therapist on a level where I actually feel safe. (Not trying to be discouraging, just my experience.)

Those couple of years sucked. But they did help me realize that my recovery wasn't one person, other than myself. I am recovering because I, like you, am by nature a survivor. You'll get through it; prob won't be one of the happiest times in your life but you will deal.

As for the ice cream episode, you obviously have more psychiatric expertise than I do but isn't a major part of changing your behavior recognizing when you have a lapse and then dusting yourself off and getting back on your chosen path? If it is, you have already taken the biggest step towards self-correction. Totally understand being disappointed in yourself, but make sure you don't let that morph into beating yourself up for one slip in four years.

Good luck to you. You have helped so many here (me included of course, lots of times); it is only fair that you get through this with as much peace and as little angst as possible. Hopefully you will continue to post as you walk through these challenges so that we can all remind you on your darker days of how much you mean to all of us.

Thanks to everyone for the support and caring.  I did not sleep much last night despite having taken an Ativan... and am feeling a little... well... "fragile" today.  I did, however, manage to resist the urge to hit a drive through this morning for a doughnut or a high-fat breakfast sandwich, so that's an improvement over last night's ice cream indulgence, I guess.

Tonight I will have a good dinner (my mom is taking the family out to a nice place), go home and put on my jammies, have a Coke Zero, and watch a baseball game with my doggies (Khan -- my 7 month old Chow puppy -- is almost 50 pounds but still likes to come up on my lap... until he gets too hot!) and then take a Lunesta so I get some sleep.

I just SERIOUSLY dread having to figure out how to tell a new therapist about what happened...  I am still reluctant to talk about parts of it...

Lora

Lora,

I still remember when my trusted therapist told me he was moving away.  I felt such pain in my gut and almost sheer panic.  This was at a very vulnerable time in my life.  I can't tell you how sorry I am that you are losing your trusted therapist.  For me, it brought up old feelings of abandonment, even though rationally I knew I wasn't being abandoned.

If you need someone to talk to, please PM me.  I would be happy to be of whatever support I can during this very painful and difficult time. 

I think you should give yourself a break. Its one slip up; you are owning it and talking about it, and you know the repercussions of that road if you take it. I understand about your therapist and I am very sorry. I had an emotional ordeal back in 1999 and I had a therapist who literally saved my life. We had to move away from her after three years of me seeing her, and I was devastated. I was only seeing her once a month, but I guess it was a security blanket, knowing she was there if I needed her. Its hard to replace that person and you have such a history with them that just can't be repeated.

So sorry to hear of your horrific event and loss of a trusted source of support and guidance. I suffer from PTSD after a going thru prolonged and repeated abuse and unfortunately have had very negative experiences with counselors. I have always thought if I had found the right one my symptoms would be far less and possibley gone by now. Since you did find the right one I pray she can help guide you to another that "fits".

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It truly moved me and your success with a counselor has me thinking I need to try again. You shouldn't beat yourself up for the "slip", but rejoice in the fact that now you recognized the behavior and can address it.

Lora, I am sorry to hear of your loss. In this case it's no different than her dying because you won't get to see her or talk to her again. Definately work through this as any other grief.  {{{{HUGS}}}}

Kelly