Should we channel our food obsession, or rid ourselves of it? (LONG)

Hey guys, would love to know your thoughts on this. I've posted this on another website too, but wanted to get some different opinions.

I met with an excellent bariatric therapist toward the beginning of this month. I was very impressed. However, I have questions about her overall philosophy for what the goal of this surgery is, and that's why I haven't made another appointment even though I like her a lot. I'm still contemplating philosophically what our psychological goal should be from this surgery.

She said that she wants her patients to get to a place where food is basically not important to them other than as sustenance. She said she wants me to get to a point where there aren't all these emotions tied up in food. I understand that concept, but I seriously doubt whether that will be possible for me.

I am not one of those who stopped liking food after surgery. In fact, I think I love food even more now than I did before. I plan, I cook, I think about interesting flavor combos, I write recipes, I track all of my food and try to keep myself accountable for every stray bite. I still get that almost ******ic high from a banana-free banana pudding protein shake that I used to get from alu gobi with basmati rice and garlic naan. I know it's not ideal to view food in that way, but I had to give her a sideways glance when she talked about getting me to a point where I don't have those feelings about food. I don't think it's possible for me to change that fundamentally. I truly believe that me changing into a person who views food only as sustenance is almost as farfetched as changing my race or gender.

The therapist was saying that emotionally, it's not healthy to think about food in this way because it becomes an inappropriate emotional investment. I totally understand that - BUT I'm already screwed up. I'm already emotionally invested in food, and I have been for my entire life. I imagine that many of us are this way, though I know some aren't.

To this point, my approach has been that, since I'm likely stuck with food obsession for life, it would be best for me to channel it in a more productive way. I've tried to do that through cooking healthy foods for myself and others, planning meals, making sure my protein shakes are yummy, etc. But now she has me thinking that my approach is questionable for long-term success.

Anyway, what do you think the psychological goal is with regard to food and WLS? Channel our obsession/addiction, or try to rid ourselves of it? Is ridding ourselves of it the goal, and is channeling it only an accommodation until we can actually get rid of it? What has your approach been?

What she's saying sounds like an absolute. I hate the phrase , 'I eat to live, not live to eat'.

Obviously what we were doing pre surgery wasn't working. So if you want to continue with your food obsessions then you need to do it in a different way. I see no problem with that. I'd much rather be addicted to my 'healthy lifestyle' than forever fight my desire to love food. KWIM?

"I hate the phrase , 'I eat to live, not live to eat'."

OH, how I hate that phrase.  I'm thinking, "Really? Who does that?"

Yes, I think being addicted to my healthy lifestyle is what I've been building toward. Her point - which I totally understand - is that we don't want to treat this like a diet, but rather as an opportunity to get over food obsession.  I'm on board with that, but just getting protein and stuff in takes more thought than eating 3000 calories a day of nothing but grease and carbs.

Anyhoo, thanks for your thoughts. I totally know what you mean.

I think your therapist's a dolt. Run!

Using that logic, sex is for having babies, so people should stop doing that unless they intend to procreate. Think that'll happen?

Eating is a pleasure. It can also be an addiction. Addiction specialists would tell you that addictions are not removed, they are managed. Find a away to manage your love of food so you can keep the pleasure, but not the destruction.

Getting food unhitched from negative emotions is a great idea, though. I never eat now out of pain, or confusion, or boredom or sorrow. I do eat to celebrate, to enjoy, to feel free, to create, to feel human. My freebie days don't coincide with periods and PMS, or job trouble, or boyfriend concerns. That divorce has been a good thing.

You have to eat. You can't quit cold turkey. And you can learn to enjoy it again. If you want to stick with something, you really need to find the pleasure in it to buy into it. Your therapist's all-or-nothing approach is the same bull**** that made most of us fat in the first place. Moderation-- as in all things-- works best here.

I think my therapist would kick your therapist's ass. And my therapist was obese-- 25 years ago-- but is now very slender and has remained so for life-- so I can tell you what horse I am bettin' on! 

Lol. Your therapist probably would kick mine's ass.  But . . . she's not really MY therapist, so I'm totally cool with that ;-)

I agree with you.  The only thing about other addictions is the idea is that it IS that black or white - you can't get rid of the addiction, so it's impossible to enjoy things in moderation.  I've spent a lot of times at AA for volunteer work, and the AA community is like, really serious. Very all-or-nothing.  Sometimes I wish I didn't have to eat so I could quit eating cold turkey. But, on the other hand, I love food and don't really want to give it up cold turkey, even if I could.

Hmm...I wonder if my desire to still enjoy food somehow means I haven't "hit bottom" yet? Eh . . . oh well, this is making my head hurt.  I'm just comforted to hear that people with your level of experience hear where I'm coming from on changing the attitude toward food, but not necessarily to nonchalance.

I can't say that I've ever been a "foodie".  Food was a drug that I had access to, which allowed me to numb myself out.  Didn't really matter what the food was - it was a quantity thing with me, a lot of it was totally unconscious grazing.  On the flip side, I could also go all day without eating - if I was busy, I just didn't care to eat - and had no reason to do so.  When thoughts about how many calories were in something crossed my mind, I basically did a mental shrug and went ahead and ate whatever was around at the time.

Post-surgery, I find myself thinking about food, and paying attention to food a helluva lot more than I ever did before WLS.  I now have think about the content of food: does it have enough protein, will X kill my carb ratio for the day, how many cals will my day add up to, is that 1/4 of a cup or 3 oz? What am I going to have for the next meal, do I have an emergency protein stash to get me through lunch/dinner in case my flight is delayed?  I track my intake, I measure my food (something I never did pre-surgery).

Frankly, some days I resent how much I have to think about food now.

So: bottom line.  I got to 335 by NOT thinking about food, so it seems to me that if I want a different result, I need to develop a different set of behaviors and ways of thinking about food.

My psychological goal for this journey is to be able to identify and deal with my emotions rather than escape from them in food.  That doesn't mean it should be anyone else's goal... we all got here because we ate too much/the wrong things - but WHY we got here is a very individual road, and I do not believe it's a one-size fits all solution.

Besides which - there's a ton of skinny/normal foodies that think about food with their every waking breath, and nobody is telling them to think of food as simply being for sustenance.  I'm pretty sure TASTE and PLEASURE feature in there really strongly too!

Thanks; this is a really interesting response. I also feel like mindless eating is what got me to 338.  I mean, I loved food pre-op, but in a completely different way than I do now.

I might be misrepresenting her views somewhat. I mean, she did say exactly what I said she did, but she also told me not to view this as a diet and not to be so strict about it, and also she talked about avoiding mindless eating.  This was the part that frightened me a bit, though.

Oddly I was NOT a foodee pre- op--- I only ate fast food and convenience store food and really didn't care what it was except that it was is plentiful supply-- so I can relate.

I've told the boring story about that before-- but post op people warned me to avoid food commercials. I decided instead to inundate myself with them, and watch the Food Network 24-7 (I'd never watched it before.) I had hoped that the flooding would desensitize me-- but it didn't-- instead it made me appreciate the art of it, and I haven't been the same since.

Now my biggest regret is that I got obese off of Frito Lay products and not creme brulee. What the hell was I thinking? If only I knew then what I know now!

LOL I can relate to that too... every time I even think about having a bag of chips now, I look at the label and think... "THAT many calories for basically the taste of salt and vinegar"?  I'd rather have some nice smoked gouda and fresh strawberries and figs (since I stick to pretty simple/fresh food now, plain stuff has a pretty terrific taste).

I can actually remember the best meal I ever had - and it was pre-WLS (though it was pretty bariatric friendly): it was veal with figs at a winery in the Hunter Valley in Australia.  Very fresh with incredible flavor.  If everything good for you tasted that good, fast food wouldn't even have had a chance!

I feel the same!  I mean, I was SORT of a foodie pre-op, but not really. I watched a lot of Food Network, but what I ate on a day-to-day basis was greasy crap.  I also got the advice about food on TV and went the opposite direction. I thought it had served me well . . . until this interesting therapy visit, that is.

"Now my biggest regret is that I got obese off of Frito Lay products and not creme brulee. What the hell was I thinking? If only I knew then what I know now!"

AMEN!