Weight loss to save marriage?
Whitespots, We are past the point of trying to work it out. I no longer have the desire to work it out. I want to leave and find a new life with my son. We will always be friends and maybe someday things will be better between us but for now I need space. Thanks for your kind words and taking the time to write them.
Ok, I"m going to jump in with a man's point of view. . . maybe not all men, but me personally. Sometimes (most of the time for me), we don't express ourselves socially or intimately. It's not because we don't want to, it's because we simply don't know how. It takes courage and strength to ask someone to pull you out of your shell. And being a man means that we think that asking for help makes us look weak. We haven't been conditioned to be loving, gentle, or attentive. Some of us were brought up to suppress our emotions or even worse, be ashamed of having them in the first place.
I don't know the full details of your situation, and I admit, there is a possibility that your husband simply doesn't give a rats ass and is looking for a way out but doesn't have the guts to come out and say it, so he just pulls back hoping that you'll initiate the drift and the separation. This gives him the chance to look back in a few years and say "I didn't do anything, SHE is the one that changed and wanted to separate."
Just my 2 pennies. In any event, take care of yourself and your kids. They'll need you now and YOU will need you now. That means tending to your own emotional needs and not worrying about if Hubby is ok. He's making his decision. He will have to live with it.
Hon Queen,
Thank you, I know God's plan for me is a beautiful one and that he has layed this path for me to make me who I am and I appreciate every step of the way. I have not had an easy life but every hard day makes me appreciate everything I have that much more. I know I am young and life has just begun, I am just savoring the moments.
I think you made the right decision and the fact that you are following through with it shows you are a strong person and are doing the best you can to improve upon yourself. Although parting with people, especially a spouse is heartbreaking, it will make you a stronger person, and this is a learning experience to really get to know YOU as the person you will become on this journey. 8 years ago I went through this. But you know what? If I hadn't i wouldn't have met Jamie, my husband. PM me if you feel like talking. You will be in my thoughts. A BIG HUG from me coming right at you!
I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. Its so hard to do. 6 years ago I got divorced from my ex for the exact same thing. I lost 120 pounds on my own and thought it would jump start our marriage. Instead he paid less attention to me than before. I will say that my new found sense of self worth gave me the motivation to leave him and itwas the best thing I ever did. Now, I'm not saying it was easy, I had two small children and I had a lot of guilt for splitting up the family. But,I also know how miserable I was and how our relationship was affecting our kids.
Now, here I am 6 years later, gained my weight back, met my husband, got married (AGAIN!) and had my RNY> Now I'm on my way back down. But, this time the difference in how I am being treated while losing weight is unbelieveable! My new husband has complimented me everyday before my surgery and everyday since.
My first husband had made me feel so bad about myself, not because of what he said , but because of what he did or didn't do. I felt so alienated and so alone and more than anything I wanted someone to LOVE ME!!! And now I have it! Now don't get me wrong he's not perfect (Like I am LOL) but he's sooooo much better! He is pretty happy that I had such a bad first husband cause it makes him look sooo much better! LOL He's so funny!
Good luck to you! I will be praying for you to have the strength to get thru this!
Amanda
im sorry to hear that you are getting divorced, first and fore most when you made the choice to have surgery it should have been on the terms of you wanting to do it for yourself and noone else, if he hasnt changed the way he looks at you and treats you, but you are looking and feelings better then you done it all for the wrong reasons ( not to say u didnt want to do it for yourself as well) sometimes the change that comes along with the weight loss causes divorced b.c the husband gets jealous etc, (not saying thats the case) i wish you well, but take it as a new you and new start, if your in that much miseray with him, then you need to find someone who will appriciate you!
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