Weight loss to save marriage?
Sorry to hear about you and your husband. Could it be that your husband has a low sex drive? Until my recent weight loss I had a very low sex drive. I just recently just got my mojo back. Is your husband overweight? Being overweight can effect your Testostrone levels and make a man very moody and loose his mojo. Trust me on this I know from experience. Good luck to you.
He could stand to lose a few pounds but his weight is not an issue by any means. I think maybe he just has a lower sex drive than I do for sure but it is not just about the sex. It about the intimacy you share with someone and feeling like you can't keep your hands off that person because you are so into that person even if it is just holding their hand or touching their skin as you pass by.
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this rough time. Unfortunately, I've been there, done that (embarassingly, more than once). It DOES sound like your marital issues are very much beyond weight and a separation or break of some kind is warranted. Don't be surprised if he, you or both of you find out that you miss each other in the process. If you find that to be true, I like many others, would suggest counseling. My advice to you would be to enjoy the time you will have to focus on yourself and not rush into dating and trying to find the knight on the white horse right away. In fact, tell yourself you are not going to get serious with anyone for the first 12 or 18 months or so ... but rather, just enjoy other people's company. I did that after my divorce and it was one of the best and most eye-opening times of my life. Dating a lot of different people casually (while being very open with them about where I was in life and what I wasn't ready for) really allowed me to see what variety was out there and what I really wanted (and didn't want) in a life partner. If I hadn't taken that time to learn how to know and love myself, I don't think I'd have the fabulous marriage I have now today. In addition, take some time to really examine what marriage means to you and what you want out of it long term. Like you, I wanted constant intensity and passion, and was forever disappointed that I didn't have it 24/7. Looking at it from an older, more mature point of view today, I would say that my expectations were somewhat unrealistic. Marriage, unfortunately, isn't like in the movies or in fairy tales, but rather, is one of the most complex relationships you'll ever have. This is a person who sees you (and you see him) during good, bad and ugly, and with whom you go through a lot of ups, downs and cycles -- and it takes a lot of work on both parties' parts to keep the relationship strong. Many days, it's about getting up, counting your blessings (instead of his shortcomings) and try, try, trying again to make it work. Am I saying you're wrong to want to be swept off your feet sometimes and to ask your hubby to work hard to give you that? HELL no! You deserve that and more! But will there also be days when you wish he'd breathe differently? OH YEAH! The key is whether the good outweighs the bad, whether he stands by you through thick and thin and whether you have a deep friendship and respect for one another. If you have that ... you'll be just find with anyone you choose to make your life with! Good luck to you and many, many HUGS ... I know this is a difficult decision and a hard road for you! ((((HUGS))))
First of all, LOVE LOVE LOVE the new haircut.
Thanks for understanding. I do realize that it would be unrealistic to think that it will be romance every minute of every day, we were married for 5 years so I do understand the days when you just wish you could get some space. But there wasn't enough of the romantics days to make it an even balance. But I do have some great memories and life experiences to take with me and we are separating as better friends (so far) than we were when we first started dating. I couldn't ask for a better parting of ways.
Well, that's the good news then, right? Something to be thankful for for sure, especially if you have any children involved (though you may find it makes it harder to make a permanent break if you decide you want to go that route). Here's to hoping this is a great new start for you one way or another. All my best!
He is very upset and doesn't want me to go, says he can change. But I don't think that you can change the way you feel towards a person, I think that has to come naturally. He took me for granted for a long time and thought I would always be around (his words). We have been having this discussion for at least a year and he just never thought I would leave.
First of all, I am really sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your husband are having. And also a HUGE congrats to you for all your weight loss. You are a beautiful woman!
I also really have to agree with the PP when she said that marriage is definitely not always sunshine and roses and takes A LOT of work. More work than WLS. But, it takes 2 people to put that work in....
If you both fell out of love, I would suggest trying to find out why - and take steps to get that back, although it won't be the same as it was the first time around. Being honest with yourself and himself is important and only you both can end a marriage. I would also agree that perhaps you should seek counseling and really exhaust all your options before you go for the big D - especially with a child involved.
I also crave/need a high level of intimacy. My husband was not always the one that inititated - we rarely act like we did when we were dating 4 years ago, but do occasionally. It's different, but it's still good. He listened to my needs and where I may not get sex 4x a week, we compromise. Guys are all so different and those that are in their shells it's hard to get them out. It also makes things worse to get mad at them - then no one is happy.
Best of luck....
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