Weight loss to save marriage?

Weight should not effect you marriage at all. I realize that sometimes it does but it shouldn't. My husband has been just as intimate as when we first met ( and I was 70 pounds lighter). You deserve to find someone who makes you smile everyday! Pray about it and when the time is right, God will send you that special someone.

MelindaS I now understand that my weight did not affect my marriage instead we just lacked an intimacy and intensity that I desire.  I thought I was willing to settle but now realize I cannot.  Thank you for your kind words.

First of all, you look great and I would be willing to bet that I am not the only guy who sees you that way.  The second thing is that how your husband responds to you or doesn't respond to you is probably more about how he feels about himself than how he feels about you.  About 10 years ago, I went way overboard on a home remodeling project that put us in financial peril.  I felt such shame and self-loathing for having done that to my family that my marriage almost crumbled as a result.  It still isn't what it used to be because at the time I tried to hide the fact that we were in trouble.  Trust takes a long, long time to rebuild.  I don't know the cir****tances of your financial troubles, but I would be willing to bet that your husband, deep down,  blames himself for what has happened (it's a guy thing), particularly if he kept the facts from you until it was too late to do much of anything to rectify the problem.  People deal with extreme stress in different ways and it would seem that his withdrawing from you is one way he is doing that (not likely the only way, though).  I sincerely hope the two of you can find a way to work things out.  Anyway, though I am belaboring the point I am trying to make, please don't let his actions cause you to believe that you are anything but a more healthy, more beautiful woman than you were 71 lbs. ago.

Rickpete, Thanks for the compliment.  Thanks for helping me to understand my husband's behavior from another perspective.  It does help me to understand that it is probably more about how he feels about himself and not so much how he feels about me.  I do know that he truly loves me.  I just cannot settle (at this point) for nothing short of amazing any longer.  I have learned that all the material things that we have attained during our marriage are meaningless without the intensity and passion between two people.

I'm so sorry--- this happens more than you know.  But think of it this way--- you're heading toward much better health-- so even in this difficult time, you're moving towards your own wellness-- and that's a great thing!

Thank you Jupiter, you are always so uplifting.

Oh sweetie, you deserve that and more!  That is like people who have children thinking it will save the marriage/bring them back together, it never works!  Once it is gone and the love is gone, its gone! Best wishes it is sooooooo tough dating with children. AB

Amybeth, Thanks, I know you are right, I do deserve it.  I just have to learn to believe that.  I know I am making the right decision, I just have to walk the path no matter how rocky.

I know exactly what you are talking about, my fiance is very similar to this. He just isnt the affectionate type of guy. and he told me he had to TRY really hard when we were dating, and that he always felt akward, and silly. I have expressed my needs to him time in and time out, and i always seems to get better, for maybe a day or two, and then he crawls back in his shell and i feel ignored again. But i love this man with all my heart, and i dont think im settleing, but i know that he loves me, and that i love him. So i initiate, and i plan things. sometimes i cry. but i know it does affect things when we are doing good financially. Big time. this may be it, have you guys seen a counceler? Im sorry to be out of pocket, its just i feel like i can relate because of my honey. And if you two got married, you had to have been madly in love at some point, Was he always like this?? Anyways love, Congrats on your weight loss! You are inspirational! Good luck and God bless!!

Your fiancee sounds exactly like my husband.  He has always been awkward and not as affectionate as I would like but I thought I could be ok with that.  Yes I do love him but as time goes by I am feeling like I am missing something that he is unable to give me.  I need to do this for myself (being selfish for the first time in my life) because if I don't I will always wonder if there was more to life.  I do feel if I stay at this point, I am settling and I can't do that.  I have been the initiator and aggressive one in this relationship for too long now and am tired.  I just need a break.

Thanks for the kind words and congratulations.  I am pround of my weightloss journey so far.