Anyone feel they look *worse* after RNY?

I have been told lately by many people that I look tired.  I'm waiting on some labs right now, to see how I can address this.. and my loose skin bothers me a great deal more then I thought it would.  My pani never bothered me before.. and now I struggle with rashes and such.  I have to admit.  I'm young.. and I was pretty healthy even being MO.  And in the beginning, I just wanted to look better and feel better. (I thought these where connected!) But through this journey I've realized that looking better and feeling better are NOT one in the  same.  :)   I've come to realize during this last year, the the extra weight, and the overeating where not the problems.. but just the symptoms of a deeper problem. I sincerely think.. that I will NEVER be happy with how I look now, until I can look at that picture of me at 335 lbs and love her.. every inch of her... because that 335 lb woman is just as much me and I am now.  And I refuse to be a number on a scale or be identified as such.   This is a good question,   for someone considering WLS..  Do you think loosing all your weight will solve your problems?   I thought so!  It appears to in the beginning, but honestly..  I just don't have the weight anymore to blame my problems on!  Honestly , by biggest struggle has been the attention from people about how I look.  I get told how beautiful I am a lot.. and while I like it when it's happening.. often it feels cheap... because deep down I know I'm more then how I look.. I always have been.  And it makes me feel insecure that people's approval of me is so shallow. (skin deep) Doors being opened for me,  people smiling (instead of averting their eyes) when I walk in the room.. getting better customer service...all those types of things that could be considered a WOW moment **** me off.  I'm sorry.. LOL  That's just where I am at. I hope that answers your question.. maybe more then you wanted? I'm not saying that I wouldn't do it all over again.. I am just saying that even though I was saying all the right things.. "I'm having this surgery for my health.. etc etc"  Honest to God... I wanted to be skinny. But fortunately, this last year I have grown a lot and realized some things... and I will continue to grow.. and my motivation has changed, from wanting weight loss and the accolades that come with it... to wanting to live healthy; Not out of fear of gaining weight... but out of a love for the body God gave me, and for myself.  I deserve it.  :) -Shakeira

The only problems I thought losing weight would fix were my social reclusiveness (and as such, dating) and my stamina/health. The stamina and health issues are so much improved. I'm no longer a recluse. But, men still do not approach me or show interest in me...and I'm grappling with that in therapy...because obviously, I'm single for some other reasons other than being fat and unattractive. And yes I realize that it wasn't a particularly rational belief before...there are plenty of MO folks who are in stable relationships or even just dating. I was never one of them and I attributed it to my size and the effect that had on my attitude and self-confidence. Well, all of those things have improved, and I'm still lacking in the male interest department...so, back to the drawing board to figure out, truly once and for all, what my REAL problem is.

See a DR about the rashes..have it documented...A lot of insurance will pay for Plastic Surgery if there is a medical need... I have a friend who had her tummy done in Dec. She is working on her thighs and arms being approved now.....

Wow, that's a idea!  Thanks! -Shakeira

I think I look better.  I dont have dark circles anymore becuase I sleep better and I have lost my "man boobs" that were not exactly flattering.

I think I look much older and much younger depending on how you look at it. My previous size was more one associated with a 40-something year old person BUT I had no wrinkles divits or facial age to speak of. Post op Im a weight more associated with youth but my face is begining to get lines that make me appear a little older than my actual age. I think the lines are more likely skin not yet shrunken (That big ol pie face left some damage) than actual age/sun damage. So there is a possibility that IF I were to remain this size I would not have the same lines in a year or two. Body wise? Well I never minded being a plus sized woman. I always tried to lose weight because I was always gaining. Its like a catch 22 for certain. I would buy a whole new wardrobe at a certain size and feel confident and beautiful but then I would gain just enough weight to have NOTHING to wear so the dieting, losing, regaining, cycle would go on and on.  I dont think I was a "plus sized woman" by the time I had surgery. There was nothing feminine left to my body. My groin and breasts were misshapen to an alien state. My tummy had grown to a size unimaginable by most morbidly obese people. I was unable to stand up straight or stand for longer than a few moments before my body collapsed. Today? My body is ummm not normal looking to say the least. I could let it get me down. I choose to love my sags, skin and wrinkles. I have fun with them and enjoy them because they are a part of me. When I lay down I turn into a skin puddle. My skin litterally lays around me or puddles on top of me. I asked my hubby one day if  it turned him off or grossed him out, he said "why? its an improvement". At first glance this almost sounds like an insult. The truth is he loved me completely (you know the biblical sense) when I was at my largest. He wasnt grossed out by my size or body then so how could he now when I only look better? Basicaly its one of those "why must women be so dense?" answers :P  Self esteem comes from within but sometimes it is sparked by an external source. Pookey has worshipped me for 14 years and its hard to feel ugly or worthless when at least 1 person thinks soooo highly of you for soooo long. I think Pookey is trustworthy, smart, funny, caring and good looking. His opinions on most anything are accurate so I have to believe his opinions of me are too. I dont know if I would be even 1/2 this confident without his love. I certainly wasnt this confident when I met him at the age of 19. I cope with my new look by remembering how far Ive come. I am not normal and I had no chance of looking normal from my starting point. I dont compare myself with normal shaped women. I havent at any size since surgery let the negative feelings get to me because we never really know where the weight loss will stop. If we feel hideous at *this* size and never lose another pound we are sabatouging ourselves in the worst way. Great question Shari baby :) I can tell it would be HARD to start surgery feeling pretty but only needing health back. Some people are just prettier heavy. So far I think I hit my pretty peak at around 165 - 170 pounds and have only gone downhill since then :P Snuggies Peeky

I think you look 35 or less in your current avie. AB

I picked it cause I dont look as old in it :P I am actually 33 so looking 35 or younger is a good thing. I have 2 distinct lines on my face on each side of my nose/mouth that are the skin dropping down... and my forehead has weird bumps/wrinkles when I lift my brows that I never had before thick or thin. Of course I dont show off any of thoooose pics :P thanks! PK

Let's see.  I no longer look like a linebacker. I no longer have to rely on Just My Size 30/32's to cover myself. I am extra bendy in bed. My breasts are flat. My stomach hangs. My thighs jiggle. My arms almost knock me unconcious when I wave goodbye to my husband. My double chin is slowly turning into a turkey waddle. My eyes look sunken in. My cheek bones that I thought were bones are gone because the fat filling out my face has left. I have wrinkles that used to be plumped out.  I have excess skin over my eyelids that makes waxing my eyebrows more painful. Overall I wouldn't say I'm even close to MAXIM cover model but I know my man likes when I parade in something he's made for me. Or he loves when instead of saying "does this make me ass look fat" I say "look how damn deathly sexy these jeans make me look" because I look DAMN FRACKING GOOD. I'm not at goal and I'm not skinny but I'm one of the sexiest mo-fo's on the planet because I think I am. And for the people who don't think so or have a hard time accepting where there at and ME being more comfortable in my own skin and flaunting it are really sad to me. Because I am about as sexy as I was at 390 - I'm just able to appreciate it more now. And so is my man. Purrrrrrrrrrrr. Great post Shari. Sexy and awesome is in the eye of the beholder. And this sexy beholder is in awe of her awesome self.  Jen

I had WLS primarily for my health. I was afraid I would die before I had raised my son, and I knew I was not enjoying my life, becoming more reclusive because of my fear of rejection, judgment as a result of my size, etc. Overall, I think I look much better now. There are definitely things that do NOT look better about me...my face, when thinner, starts to look too old and wrinkled to me. My neck, the same thing. And my belly and breasts, though smaller, well, they are just saggy bags of skin now and it grosses me out. Overall, in clothing I'm fine with my appearance. I'm at an age where I expect my face to start showing my age a little more. My neck and belly bother me the most...but, I'm sucking it up and dealing with it because my life and health are great...and that was my intention!