Feeling Like A Failure

I need some help determining whether I am being realistic or not... I am 32 years old. I had VBG 2 years ago, and at that time I weighed approximately 280 pounds (it yo-yo'd some, so I don't know my exact weight at that time). I have now regained to approx. 210 pounds, and I feel miserable... When I had the surgery, I was told by my surgeon that I would only be able to eat 1/4 cup of food 3 times/day for the rest of my life. He assured me that the VBG would make this possible; and stressed that if I didn't follow this plan I might regain my weight. I did well with this for about 6 months, but then I fell apart... I have struggled hard to keep my food consumption down to this level, but slowly it seemed like my NEED for more food increased. I would eat the prescribed amount of food, but I would still feel hungry. So I wound up snacking...then I started eating larger quantities of food at my mealtimes. The amount it took to make me feel satisfied increased steadily over time, and now I find I am eating amounts that are almost as large as before surgery. I also find that I crave sweets more than I ever have in my life, to the point where it is almost impossible to deny myself sugary snacks. I don't know where I went wrong...I feel like I failed somehow, but I don't know what else I could have done. In addition to putting myself on various diet and eating plans in the past year, taking herbal diet and appetite suppresant supplelments, and working out at a gym I have continued to gain. Now I just feel like giving up - my husband is urging me to have a revision, and I do have a consultation scheduled with a surgeon, but I just feel like that is expecting an easy answer to my personal shortcomings... My husband tells me that this is not realistic, that I have done all I can, and that I need to just focus on getting the revision; but I have a hard time accepting that from him. I would like to hear from some people who have had the revision: What were your experiences that led to you getting or considering the revision? I would appreciate any feedback. I really feel confused on this issue right now, and am looking for some help... rl

Hi RL... You are not alone. I had the VBG done 8 years ago. I went into surgery weighing 540 pounds. I lost 200 of it! I am slowly gaining it back. Today i weigh 343 pounds. So, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. My doctor said the same things to me. He also stressed the use of a support system in place, doctors, councillors, support groups, etc...do you have any of that? At the time of my surgery, i did not. I had to travel for my surgery and my home town had no such thing as a support. I had an infection in my incision and the emergency doctors had no idea what I had. They had to take an xray of my stomach so they knew what i had done. It was terrible. I was educating the doctors. You didn't go wrong anywhere darling. You are doing what you did before your surgery. Just like me, you use food as a coping mechanism. You eat when you are sad, happy, bored, you name the emotion, you eat. Am I right? I do the same thing. I am getting the revision done to Gastric Bypass. One day at a time, one doctor at a time, i will find a way. You and I both know that the surgery is not the answer to our problem. We can use this surgery as a tool to HELP lose weight. The gastric bypass is alittle more drastic than the VBG. It is unforgiving. As was the VBG in the beginning but now, our pouch has grown to accomodate more food and you and i are able to binge on more food, good or bad...to cope. I have not gotten the revision, but I have decided this is the route I must take if I want to have any kind of life. I am a foster Mom as well as a Mom to my bio daughter and I want to live to see her graduate from High School & College, maybe get married and have a family! I want to live a long happy life and to me this revision is my answer. I am jumping through the hoops to get this done. I wish you luck with your decision kiddo! It is a hard one! Remember though, this operation we had has been documented as a failure. Statistics show that 77% of ppl that have had this surgery, 5 years later have regained all their weight back! So, don't knock yourself down totally. You are still lighter than you were when you first had the surgery done. (Same with me!) Take one day at a time! Stop beating yourself up! Life is too short I tell ya! In the mean time, try finding some support where you live. This website is an awesome start! I wish you all the best. Take care! Eve

RL. Dont feel discouraged or if you were alone. I too feel like a failure; although I know that I did not contribute to my staple line breakdown with my vbg surgery. I cant help but wonder what people think or what they are thinking about me. I am seeking a revision to the rny, so I hope to have my life back again and get out of this depression mode. Just to let you know I fully understand. Hang in there. SW

Oh My Dear Friend, I can't believe that in this day and age - they are still even PERFORMING that surgery after the documented failure rate. 23 years ago - I too had a VBG - in fact I had it twice in six months because the first failed. My only guilt is that I had it redone instead of researching to find something better. I never lost ANY weight from my old form of VBG as many didn't in those days. Just this year I regained a lot of weight that I had lost on my own three years ago. I felt I just needed a tool that would actually HELP me. I am 56 years old and I knew this was my last chance. I did my homework big time and also had two coworkers who had great success with Open RNY surgery. I researched the best places to have this done and I determined if I was a candidate. It turned out that with the comorbidities I had - and the amount of weight I had to loose - I was a perfect candidate. I had my surgery last week and am doing GREAT. Turns out there were other problems inside and I expect my life to really start over this time. If I can be of help please email. Susan Milner

Hi Susan, I had my surgery about 23 years ago, lost about 130 lbs. and regained all of it. I'm now getting close to my revision surgery, scared but I know it has to be done, I'm 54 and struggling with knee pain, back pain you name it. I have hernias now that will be done at the same time as my revision, they are causing alot of pain so I'm hoping they'll move me along quickly. Wish me luck and I will keep you posted. Thanks for your letter, It helped me. Vera

Dear Vera, I am so glad you contacted me. I went through all the feelings you are experiencing only I had so many problems with mobility etc. I was at peace finally - when I was approved. I was never scared but perhaps a bit anxious mostly because of the idea of having complications. The surgery itself went very quickly - one and a half hours- and so I did not have side affects from the anathesia(sorry about spelling). The pain for me was significant but they did a good job with control. I am less then two weeks out now and although I had a very large incision that went into the belly button, I am now almost pain free. The real miracle is how much better I feel physically. I don't need a cane, med's reduced and best of all - the depression is GONE> I was very depressed about regaining the weight I had lost on my own. What you are doing will give you a new life. I can not tell you about weight loss yet but will after my 1st doc follow up on Tues. Good luck to you and God Bless. Susan

HI, I too had the VBG over 8 years ago. I lost 130 lbs total with the VBG but then developed problems eating fiberous foods such as meats, vegetables and sometimes even water. About 4 years out from the surgery I started regaining and still had major issues with vomitting....did almost every meal and became a mechancial buliminic. I had people tell me that it wasnt normal to vomit so much but I was scared to face the issue plus my surgeon had absolutely NO AFTERCARE! So, after all these years of vomitting and yet still regaining I went and found a revision surgeon. I had gotten down to 168 lbs initially with the VBG and had regained to 240 lbs. and had a return of all the comorbidities plus a few new ones. My surgeon determined that there was probably a build up of scar tissue partially blocking my ring area and that is why I had such issues with foods. So, I took the big step of a revision to the RNY-proximal in May and although I had MAJOR COMPLICATIONS it has made a big difference in the quality of my life. I now can enjoy eating meats, vegetables and I don't have to worry about whether it will stay down. I am 3 months out from surgery and one month out from being on a feeding tube(for a month) I have managed to lose almost 50 lbs. (I really consider myself 2 months out from surgery because of the time on the feeding tube because I actually gained 10 lbs from the formula). I too felt like a failure with the VBG.....and I have found that it is VERY COMMON for VBGer's to have to revised to the RNY or DS! So, it is not just you sweetie! Plus like you have heard before surgery is the easy way out(NOT!!!!!!!!!)........many of us have had complications, deal with ongoing nasuea and other's have other ongoing problems, things that if we were opting for the easy way out most people would never want to have to deal with! Read my profile for more information on my complications and what my experience was like with a open revision from a VBG to a RNY. Or if you have any questions please feel free to write me! Keep us posted on what you decide! Hugs, Dawn

THANK YOU!!! To everyone who has responded to me - both here and in my personal email - you will never know how much your words of love and encouragement have meant to me...my whole world looks brighter just knowing I am not alone. I have given myself the weekend to ponder my options. I am 99% sure I will pursue a revision, but I want to spend some time really considering it and make sure I feel comfortable with it - my sister and husband both had RNY, so I know firsthand how successful it can be, but my husband had some complications and that has sort of made me a little more cautious than I might have otherwise been. Also, thanks to everyone who talked about the need for a support group and aftercare - my family is supportive of me, but I still wonder, "what do they think of me?" I especially worry about my parent-in-law as in the past they have been very judgemental of weight issues. They have come a long way in terms of being educated, but those old issues are so hard for me to just forget about...Anyway, I am planning to join a support group to get feedback from people other than family, get active on these boards and communities, and whether or not I have revision; get some GOOD medical advice since my VBG surgeon gave me zilch. Again, thank you so very much for your feedback. And on Monday, I hope to be posting a definite, well-thought-out and comfortable decision on whether to "go for it" and seek a revision... rl

Hi, You are not a failure at all. So many of us are in the same situation. My surgery was Jan 2002. I lost 165lbs. My lowest weight was 188. I weight 230 now. My problem is I tried something I wasn't suppose to eat and it didn't bother me so I tried and tried again. I have a technical problem. The stoma stretched. My habits got bad after the stretch. I am hungry 24 hours a day. From what I understand the food doesn't stay in my stomach to give me the hungry feeling. Although, I can't eat alot at a sitting. But 10 minutes later I can eat. At my support group they were saying not to use straws or drink out of bottles. It causes the pouch to stretch because of the air. I have never had carbonated drinks again. The staples didn't hold the stoma closed and In the beginning I had to have it stretched open a few times. So I don't think it was my fault. I know I am not eating right but it didn't cause the problems. I felt like a failure too. It's almost embarassing. People compliment you all the time and then it stops. That is why you know people can see it. You are doing the right thing going for your consultation. I was denied by just won my appeal. So revision scheduled for October. In a way your husband is right. Going for the consultation will then be everything you could do. You may decide against it. But at least go and see what happens. Good luck.

I also want to thank everybody here. I am Dennis, Rebecca's Husband and I'm not just a concerned loving husband, I am also a member. I had my RNY in Sept 2004, and I can't wait for her to get the revision. I have seen both surgeries now, and I know that I had it much, much easier than she with the VBG. I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement I know it really means a lot for her to hear it. Dennis Lap RNY 9-16-2004 Pre Surgery 276 8-18-2005 165