In the end only kindness matters...

There's a pattern and a common denominator to your experiences. It's a shame when one is unable to see the wood for the trees.

Wood for the trees?

Are we on the same site?? I was not here 10 years ago, so I can't speak for the Old OH.

Since I've been here, I have received nothing but advice and support. Have I ever been called out on something I posted? Yes. But rightfully so. If I try to make excuses, I'd rather have someone tell me to stop making excuses and get back on track. I haven't reached goal...and I know the reason why... I have not been following my program. My pouch still works........I know because when I eat dense protein, I fill up quickly due to its restriction. So I won't be looking for a revision.

You're entitled to your opinion that some responses are mean, but my interpretation is different -- that doesn't make me wrong.

So you post what you want, and I'll post what I want. If you feel a post violates OH Terms, feel free to report it.

I don't think your opinion is wrong at all! I'm really glad your experience has been helpful. That is the goal of this whole site. My post was to generate a conversation on this, and I'm glad to see some people's experiences have been different and positive.

I've been on OH since 2001 and have seen a lot of horrible bullying. I saw no bullying whatsoever in the responses to the OP about revision.

I haven't seen any bullying of the kind that you described. I've read the other post & the only person that was being rude was the op. Her reply to Rocky was uncalled for & frankly I'm surprised that you never commented on her response given the topic of this post.

I think you're doing the same thing you said other people are doing, which is projecting their experience on to the op, you're just doing it from the other end as a revisionist. You're making assumptions, just like everyone else has made assumptions, but their assumptions are based on the information that was given by the originator of the post.

She asked, in a nutshell, if weight gain can be a reason for a revision if her pouch is already small. The answer pretty much is no, there has to be some kind of mechanical malfunction, hence why most people have told her to go back to the basics of getting the weight off.

This isn't mean. Plus its the internet, she & you to some extent have decided that mentioning dietary changes or something to that effect was people judging her or making assumptions, in a negative way.

She has posted a standard answer to everyone who suggested any kind of dietary changes & it's a little rude for her to tell people how & what to post in response to her original questions.

The posts that you describe about people stating don't be mean in your comments is totally interpretive on the op side. For example the post that you mentioned, no doubt the op took Rocky's comment as being judgmental of her, when nothing was further from the truth.

Thank you for your comments. I will definitely reflect on if I took my own experiences and allowed them to affect my reactions to the post. I had made my original comments before the op started to negatively react back to people. I do not condone her reaction either, but was not surprised by it to be honest. My initial reaction to people's posts were a tad negative. So, I stepped back to consider if I was missing anything that might have been lost in cyber space because in this atmosphere it's impossible to gage inflection or subtext. I kept coming back to it and feeling bad about it, so I felt the need to respond. My feelings are not based off one thread, but, instead, on being a silent onlooker for awhile now. My only real feeling was that the op had asked for revision surgery advice and had asked why people had decided on having revision surgery, but had never asked for dieting advice. It felt a tad judgemental for people to single out that she had said her pouch was not stretched out, so, therefore, just gave her dieting advice verses responding to her actual questions. I get why people wanted to help in that way, I was just scared it might alienate her, and then it did and her reaction became overstated and a tad universal. This thread was just to pose the question of how, as a community of helping peers, could we respond differently, so that we don't alienate people we are trying to help. It is clear my viewpoint is different than many, and that is totally okay. I may be seeing this wrong, and am open to feedback. These were just my feelings.

I think one of the problems with your posts is that you create the impression that you think there's some sort of hive mind at OH and that "we" all feel the same things are useful and that "we" all think OH has the same purpose.

Yes, its the internet & it is hard to figure out where people are coming from, but I'd like to think most people are responding with good intentions, even if it doesn't come across that way.

Whenever I get a response that I'm not crazy about. I think is it the message, the messenger, or the way it was sent, i.e tone. I might get a message/advice that doesn't apply to me, so I can pass it by, or I can put it on the shelf for further review., or I can respond.

Messenger implies posting style, some give the softer approach & others are more direct, neither is right or wrong, it's just their posting style.

The last is tone, which is totally interpretive & can be taken positively, negatively, or not at all.

The op didn't ask specifically for dieting advice but it is implied by her post that she's looking to get the weight back off. People were only telling her there were other ways besides revision surgery to get it off.

I see the varied responses in the same way whenever someone who's 2 months out from surgery asking other people how did alcohol make them feel a few months after surgery. Sure you can respond only with alcohol made me feel this way or that, or you can respond with, well be careful about cross addiction, & the various other things that goes with drinking after surgery. It didn't answer the original question, but the information is still useful to have.

It's sad the op felt alienated, but the op could've just responded with a hey your post made me feel this way or that & that would've opened up a dialogue between that op & Rocky & whoever else she felt was judging her, but unfortunately she felt attacked & lashed out. Even though to anyone else she wasn't attacked, it doesn't change how she felt.

Since it is the internet, its almost impossible to figure out how not to alienate people just because what is said on one end, can be interpreted a different way on the other. Miscommunication is very common on the boards.

Sorry I couldn't make this shorter, I never could make things short & sweet.

Very well said. I have stopped commenting on this site for the exact same reason. I have seen so many hurtful comments. It started to feel like bullying to me so I just withdrew. I've seen many comments about how this site used to be so different. I wi**** could be different now