RE: Year plus out and struggling

I had lap band surgery in 2007 and revision gastric bypass surgery in May 2015.  I lost 100 pounds but have been struggling the past 6 months to maintain that loss.  I still have 50 more pounds to lose.  I don't eat pasta, bread or sugars (I'll eat some fruit but not deserts) but continue to crave food.  I am feeling hopeless but am terrified to regain my weight loss.  It is great to be able to do things physically I have not been able to do in years but emotionally food still consumes me.   The support groups I have found focus on newbies.  I have seen various eating disorder specialists throughout the years and my current therapist is teaching me about mindfulness, relaxation and self love.  I am a therapist for substance abusers and mental health issues by trade so it is very frustrating that I "know" what to do but can't do it.  I struggle with depression and take meds for it but continue to feel hopeless about my eating.  Life is a daily struggle and I do not want to keep living like this.  I had a psychiatrist appointment for Wednesday but of course they rescheduled it and the soonest I can get in is November 30th.    I know the 12 steps and work them and have a firm belief in God but I'm still stuck.  I have gone to OA for many years in the past.  I can be compulsive on meat, nuts, and even veggies.  I have alot of good friends who support me but I get tired of struggling with the same thing over and over again and talking about the same things over and over again.  I started compulsively eating as a child as a way to deal with trauma.  I have worked hard to overcome those issues and believe I have except for the eating component.  I know many people have been successful at losing and maintaining their weight loss.  I know I need to exercise more and eat smaller portions but food just consumes me and the cravings are horrible.  Thoughts of food consume me.  I try to figure out the underlying issues and what feelings am I trying to stuff.  I have a great husband, love my house, enjoy my work, have a great support network but still feel overwhelmed by this addiction.   I rather die than live like this.  It is hard to not get frustrated with myself when I "know" what I need to do but just can't seem to do it consistently.  I know I am not alone in this battle but I feel like I am in a very lonely, dark place.  Thanks for listening.

Hey, I sympathize a lot.  I wrote this in my blog a little while back, it might help you feel like you're not alone?  https://www.myvsg.net/2-uncategorised/778-7-24-2016

How about Candida? A week on Diflucan (Rx meds) 'helped' me with most if my cravings.. Really. Google Candida...

I'm sorry that you are struggling.  First of all I  want to congratulate you on your 100 pound loss...that is fantastic and a huge loss for a year post op on a revision.  if I lose that much this year I will be over the moon thrilled.  

It sounds to me that you are  doing all the right things (seeing a therapist etc).  I am also obsessive about food, and have always been a foodie and a cook.  I am trying to channel that in a good way now.  so now I'm pinning low carb recipes on pinterest etc.  I experiment with new low carb recipes on the weekends etc but I always measure to ensure I'm staying on track, I want to ensure things don't creep up on me. I keep a food scale on my desk at work and one at home.  I'm always planning and looking forward to my next meal and I'm not expecting that to change.  The difference is that I'm not upset or feeling bad about this the way you are struggling with it.  You really are being very negative and hard on yourself. I really hope your psychiatrist is able to help you to overcome these negative feelings.  It sound like you are still struggling with your depression.  Let us  know how things go after your psychiatrists appointment. I wish you all the best.