Saw the doc Friday....

So, I had an appointment with the doctor who found my gastrogastric fistula a few years ago.  At the time, he didn't want to do anything for 2 reasons, 1, it wasn't causing anything but weight gain, and 2, I had the open RNY procedure done almost 13 years ago, and he is worried about risks and complications due to scar tissue.

Now, I have such bad GERD, that the stomach acid flows up into my sinuses at night and causes a lot of stomach and sinus pain.  ( I should also mention that I'd been taking ibuprofen pretty much the entire time since my surgery because that was what the pain management docs would give me, besides vicodin, which doesn't work very well, and I needed something else.)

This time, he wants revisional surgery as a last resort, so it wasn't an absolute no.  He also wants me to see a GI in my clinic and get an endoscopy done to see what damage there is and what my pouch, stoma, and fistula look like now. (Oh JOY) And he doubled my omeprazole.

( something amusing, omeprazole isn't recognized by the dictionary, and when I clicking on it, the only suggestion it had was "flameproof" LOL)

At the time of my original surgery I was between 375 and 400 lbs.  At my lowest I was 155 (I looked horrible, with bones sticking out all over) , but my healthiest was 175.  I stayed there for 5 years, even through 2 pregnancies.  While I was pregnant the last time, I started to get low back pain, I figured it was because of being pregnant, but even after she was born, it didn't go away.  Then, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  My PCP doc at the time, put me on both Cymbalta and Lyrica, and I gained back 100 lbs in a year.  I stopped gaining after I stopped the Lyrica....

So then I was 275 lbs, and stayed there for years again, only gaining the last 50 lbs in the last 3 years when my back got worse, my hips started getting bad, and I had surgery on both knees.  According to one of the pain management docs I saw, there isn't anything wrong with my back, besides the arthritis, Schmorl's nodes, degenerative disc disease and other stuff I forgot. (yes, I still roll my eyes at that)  Now I'm with a new pain management docs, and have been for over a year now.

I've been on opiates on and off for the last 8 years (mostly on) and was told I had a physical addiction to them over 10 years ago now.  I stopped them for 2 years, but then the pain got to bad, and had to go back on them. (Vicodin mainly, but for a few months percocet, but then I stopped all opiates for a few months and started on the low dose vicodin again) Another thing I find amusing, is that of the 3 "most addictive drug classifications" out there, I'm on all 3, but the only one I have a problem with is the opiates.  I am on Adderall, and forget to take the second dose almost all the time, and it took me over 6 months to go through a 1 month supply of diazapam.  I don't think the the pain meds are strong enough, and that is why I go through them so quickly.  I keep pondering on the idea of addiction, but they way I use the other meds, I'm not sure anymore.

I asked my PM doc on my last appointment about a liquid or a patch, but he was saying that the government was going to start regulating pain meds for chronic pain patients and even what I was taking ( I'm "allowed" to take up to 4 10/325mg tabs of Vicodin per day) will probably have to be reduced (what a crock of crap for us people with chronic pain).  He also blew me off and told me to go back and google some more....not happy with him at all.  (I had a medical background before I started school, plus I come from a family of nurses, I'm not stupid, I read the actual studies and medical reports)

Also during the last 5-6 years, I've been battling with severe Major depressive disorder,( was basically in bed for 3 years, my life was falling apart, my oldest child went into foster care because of choices he made that I still feel are due to my issues.) Then, I finally admitted there was a problem, I've been on meds for it and in therapy for the past  2 years, and even though my depression is still called "Treatment resistant" I'm doing better than I was before (They had to put me on Adderall to make a difference with my depression, because the Cymbalta wasn't enough by itself, after trying 3-4 other meds, but it still isn't working all that well)  I actually am out of bed every day, I am in school for Medical Transcription and Billing and coding because I can do them from home (although I'm totally procrastinating on finishing the first one, probably because I'm terrified of failure, so it is easier to give up, but I'm' trying to fight through it) I still have my bad days, and they get bad, but I'm still out of bed everyday, getting my kids off to school, getting to all my appointment, which are all good things.

I don't really think I'll be able to hold a job anyways with all my issues, but at least I can try. Between the pain, depression, and fibromyalgia, I'm not sure how I function everyday with just being a stay at home mom, let alone a job outside the house, or even working from home.

SO ANYWAYS, sorry about the long post.  I am not sure how to feel about this last appointment.  It's good that he didn't just dismiss the idea of revision immediately, but he kept stressing how risky it is.  I know it's risky, but all research I've done, (I'm really good at research) tells me that surgery is the usual way to treat the fistula and weight re-gain.  Plus they now have all the endoscopic procedures, like Apollo, Overstitch, and such, which makes it less risky)

Ok, I'm done venting now, sorry about the length....I tend to not be able to keep quiet when I talk about my issues, cause it feels good to get it out.