Shame, humiliation and pain
I do not want to speak of the virtues of this or that bariatric surgery, although I am strongly considering a revision. At this time I only want to address the thing that is so very hard for me to deal with right now. This may not be true of everyone and I certainly tip my hat to you but at this moment it is true for me. Absolutely there is a lot more to what I am feeling but I am only expressing my experience on this one thing right now . I am working through this because now as it has been for my whole life, my weight does not alter who I am inside, only who others perceive me to be.
It is hard enough to be overweight, the pain and shame can be life altering, but to regain weight after bariatric surgery holds a special kind of shame. It screams to the world I am a failure and not capable of losing weight even with bariatric surgery, or I am just too lazy to do the work involved. In our world extra pounds are like a bright and neon scarlet letter. When that weight is regained after bariatric surgery, it is crippling and it is humiliating. I guess that is why I am seeking a revision to something that works for me and a tool I can count on.
Doxie
I am guessing you had a lap band and I say this because it has a 60% failure rate and that so very many of us have had to revise because of the failure of the band. We were all guinea pigs back in the early 2000's we were told bald faced lies about the band and then we were blamed because they didn't work. It is only recently that these things are coming to light. Now if it is a different surgery I can't help you there but if it is a band there are several very active failed lap band groups on FB so check there and you will find that you are far from being alone in this. By the way those who have revised have for the most part been very successful if you are looking at that possibility. Best of luck to you and if you would like more info feel free to PM me and I'll gladly tell you what I know about failed bands.
Hi Doxie,
Your words are exactly what I am going through. I had rny bypass 2001. Last month, I went for my iron infusion by I've that I have had to had for 15 years. I met with a new doctor who said I should iron pills again and increase my iron rich foods because my stomach is "regrown(stretched)"
That conversation knocked me back and made me start digging into what happens after 15 years. Many hours later on the internet points me to a revision.
The lap band is not an option based on its poor performance in studies and papers.
So, I am seeing the revision option for plication and one place looks at sleeves depending on what they see on your original chart.
Ant feedback on either option.?
The shame and judgment being thrown me for failing after surgery and needing a revision is gone. I refuse to let people project their negativity onto my journey. I don't judge their life choices and hope they have the courtesy to ignore mine.
Can't wait to hear your thoughts and what might work best ???????
Doxie, I just want to say... I understand what you are feeling. I have begun to hide from anyone that may see me that knows me, I'm even reluctant to host our Easter get together on Sunday because I'm just so ashamed and feel like the world will see me as a lazy failure that can't even maintain weight loss after going under the knife. I'm fighting tooth and nail for an approval and my insurance which is bcbs of Tennessee but private Union funded has denied me three times and now I have to wait until they have a board of trustees meeting at the end of May, to decide my final fate.... Surgically speaking. They are carpenters .... Not Drs... But carpenters, and they are made up of 6 men who will decide if I can have a revision. I have lindstrom as my back up plan should these 6 carpenters decide they'd rather not let the money come out of their fund to pay for my surgery.
But until then I will continue to hide and it feels like I've hit rock bottom after knowing what it feels like to feel success after life long name calling and everything that comes with being overweight .
Hon we've chatted before but I want to tell you to hold your head up high and be proud of yourself!! You have worked very hard and it is NOT your fault that the band is a POS surgery. Don't allow others to make you feel bad, you deserve to be happy and hopefully you will have a tool soon that will actually make it happen. YOU didn't fail anything, the BAND failed you! Stand tall and proud you are fighting a battle and need to show them how strong you are!
Thank you so much. I'm trying to keep my head up but they just informed me that after my second denial, now my appeal will go in front of the board of directors at my husbands Union for my FINAL. Decision, the board is made up of 6 carpenters... Not medical people .... Carpenters. My fate is in their hand and the meeting is not until May 24. Last night getting out of the bath tub I felt a wripping at my port and burning .. And I'm pretty sure it came loose from my tubing bc I felt my yogurt and milk go straight down to my old stomach this morning ... A sensation I haven't felt in 6.5 years
I had the sleeve back in 2011 I went from 310 to 250 now I'm back up to 280. My low of 250 was training for a half marathon. I just think the sleeve wasn't enough for me. Everyone I deal with on a daily basis coworkers included know I've had surgery and a select few now know I'm looking into revision. Don't be ashamed not everything works for everybody.
