spouce turned cold

did anyone have their spouce turn cold after you decided to have WL surgery.My wife has never really supported my decision. Friday night after I finally got s call from my orthro doctor. Agreeing to write the letter of medical necessity she has got cold as ice. She asked what the doctor said I told her the doctor was real happy said it was the best news she heard all day. My wife said I don't know why everybody is happy I think it's stupid. Today we went to CVS so I could purchase the vitamins needed she went off again its stupid. Well now the worse the silent treatment. I been there done that but I though she would be happy all she has talked about for years if you die what will happen to me. I am doing this so I won't drop over next week or next year. I want it I will be as selfish as needed I want and need to loose weight. Just wondering if anybody has had such behavior. Thanks.  Joe

I am sorry you are going through this. Perhaps if you can get your wife to go to the informational sessions the surgeon will require she will change her mind. I have heard of others doing that when they learned more about what and why their spouse was doing it. It does seem odd since she has expressed concern about losing you. Do you think think it has to do with all the attention you will get or other things like changing her life in some way eg different food habits that might affect you both. Or even being scared of you having the surgery? My husband was not initially in favor of the idea and neither was one of his Drs that he talked to about it. We were self pay and the idea got put on hold. Of course I kept slowly gaining. Fast forward 5 yrs and I decided to do this for me no matter what he thought. Well guess who has turned out to be my biggest supporter on this road? I hope somewhere in your journey your spouse will be your supporter too.

I don't know she won't talk My wife has been in a wheel chair for 24 years having a stroke 5 years ago She has lost all long term some short term memory.I anger full time caregiver and her roommate I do love her for 46 years. I really think in the back of her mine I am going to leave her its all a big plan. I have tried to reassure her I am here to stay. I have never cheated on her or abused her in any way she is the only person I have ever been with. I am hoping I can get through to her. Thanks for responding.  Joe

With brain damage from a stroke it is hard to understand many things that are said and happen. My husband had a massive stroke almost 5 yrs ago so I am right there with you. It was one of the things that lead me to this,knowing I need to stay as well as I can to care for him as long as I can. I wish you all the best and I as I said initially maybe you can get her to her pre-op information session and that night help.

Thank you. I am sorry to here you also have to deal with a stroke victim it not easy. I have not taken care of myself I have cancelled Dr. Appt been in deep depression. I know I have to change or I won't be here for her. It is treating me up inside to see her fade away a little more everyday.  Again thanks for your comments. Joe

Send me notes any time you want Joe. I get it! I feel the same things and have reacted the same way. Most especially with the not taking care of myself bit. I have no idea what led to your wife's stroke but in my husband's case it was refusal to listen the Dr and to myself about his eating habits and great overuse of salt. With a family history of stroke he all but begged for one. That was hard for a while too as I saw how much his lack of caring for himself and others would now impact my life...I was angry. Lots of stroke victims lose their spouses as the spouse just can't handle it. You are doing the right thing now . You have to care for you to care for her.

Sent you a pm.

you have gotten good responses. Are you guys eating buddies? Is. That one of your main forms of enjoyment? If so,she may be worried she is losing that eating buddy.

you have to do what you have to do for. Yourself. She will come around. What choice,really,does she have?

we eat different foods she has to have gluten and latose foods no suger she eats frozen dinners I eat fresh chicken pork chop sometimes veggies fruit  .I said from the beginning I was going to be very selfish I had to do this for me for once I was putting my health first. I have never done this in 46'years of being married. I was over 200 pound at age 10 I have never known one day of my life as a normal person. I will loose the weigh or die trying she can give me the silent treatment for the next 6 months

good for you. If we don't take care of ourselves,no one else is going to.