I am new here and desperate for someone who understands

Hi all , I am post op RNY in 2003. I started at 317, went down to 138, my dream weight, but now I am back up to 230. I am devastated.. In 2006, until the present.  I have just faced an overwhelming amount of stress in my life and am an emotional eater. After RNY I was so thrilled with my weight,  felt so awesome, successful and even sexy. I had a tummy tuck, boob job and even had the turkey wings under both of my arms thinned down. 2004, 2005 & the first months of 2006 were the best times in my life. In late 2006 my life started to crumble and after hearing over and over from family I was too skinny, I gave in, broke the rules, and began eating badly and gaining again. Each pound I have gained, each time I have had to go another size in pants, is a strike in my emotional heath and happiness and my desire to give up is one step closer. I cannot sleep without Ambien and are on two anti depressants. I have had to have one knee replaced and the other one is on the way to needing the same thing. I have been so sedentary since my right knee started going then replaced in the spring of 2013. And now, between my weight and my knee get off the floor like an old lady. I am raising my granddaughter, who is 6, and provide day care for my grandson who just turned 3 last week so getting down and up from the floor is a necessity. I have no physical fitness at all. I do want to get back into the gym, but feel defeated and just can't bring myself to start again. 

I am sorry this is such a downer introduction. I did not use to be this way. This afternoon while making lunch I just felt like I could never get back my beautiful healthy self so just want to end it. That is the point I remembered this site.. I went through the experience of RNY with the people here. Now mind you this site is HUGE now. Back then we didn't have forums, it was just all of us..and us was in the hundreds not thousands of people. WOW things have changed. But I am praying someone here on this forum can understand how I am feeling now. The main reason I originally had the RNY was I was tired of obsessing with my weight, waking up every morning thinking about how this day was the start.. today I was going to start losing weight, only to break that promise to myself with excuse after excuse. I was tired of doing that. 

I have seen the surgeon, not my original surgeon due to a insurance change, a LOT of times, about this issue. I have spoken with the nutritionist and am currently seeing a food psychologist once a month. On the last meeting with my surgeon we talked about revision surgery. He said there were two options, one a conversion from RNY to Distal or a endoscopy repair / resize of my stoma and pouch. Both of which are way too large. I don't know how much of my small intestine was bypassed so don't know if I could have more bypassed or not. The surgeon who I met with told me that my insurance would not approve a RNY to Distal based on his experience with Tricare.  And he has considerable experience with them. SO, I think my choice is repair of the stoma and pouch to post surgery size. In a perfect world I could have both stoma and pouch sized back to the right size and also have more intestine bypassed. But 

I have another appointment with the surgeon on the 5th of March and am praying that at that time we can move forward with revision. But I am afraid it won't happen Insurance will deny it, and there is no way in hades or anywhere else that I could even afford to think about self pay. 

So I am back here.. what for? Hopefully someone who can relate with me, encouragement to change things as much as I can on my own, and and the experiences you all have had, both with RNY repair or revision, and with distal revision as well. I also love to provide support to others. I am a people person and love to chat and support others by sharing my experiences and opinions with others who are looking for the same. And lastly, to have others outside of my family to talk to. My husband also had RNY and has regained nearly all his excess weight as well. I think, well I know, that some of the issue is portion size for both of us. I can eat more than I should be able to, as can he. And we both do. That is one reason I have hope for the revision. Last May my daughter, who lives with us and is 29, also had RNY. She did good, but has started to slip back to bad choices. I really want to get her back on track, but feel like a hypocrite if I talk to her. How can I say don't do this or that when I don't follow my own advice.  I can and do say look where my choices landed me, but that is all I really can do. 

Well that is my story.. I really look forward to meeting some of you and finding some kindred spirits here. I know this site used to be a great place to come for hope and understanding, for support and reassurance and advice, good advice. 

We are sorry to hear all you have been through.  We have a support group here called Back On Track Together if you are interested.  If you are wanting a revision, try posting on the surgery type forum you are revising to.

Stay strong for your kids and we are here for you.

We look forward to your updates.

Hello, my name is Gina

First of all, as I was reading your story, I truly could feel your pain as if you were sitting next to me. well if you would have been, I would have given you a real tight hug.... I have had only 2 RNY surgery's. One in 2007 and revision 1-6-15. I am 3 weeks out now. Have you thought about getting a second advice? or does he have your records on what your first surgeon did? I read on here you saying that all you did in the past was you kept obsessing about your weight, have you ever seen a therapist in the past or even now for this? Please don't take this the wrong way, it just sounds like you need more than family and friends to help support and give suggestions on how you can find some inner peace with yourself no matter how much you weight. It sounds like you are a very caring and giving person who takes on more than she should to help others and then uses food to help calm the situation, in return gives some very temporary satisfaction till she puts on her clothes the next day or so and they feel a tad bit tighter then the negative cycle begins, I understand all to well. At 51 I finally am able to say I do love my self.. it only took 49 years lol. If you ever want to chat or have any more questions you can e-mail me at [email protected]. I am not on here much but I check my e-mails daily and I can get back to you a lot easier. Take care, Gina

Thanks..I actually am seeing a psychiatrist who normally does the screening for surgery and for people who have had trouble. He is great. I also have a regular therapist. I am more just hating the unhealthy way I have let myself become again. It is really really frustrating. I do still have a negative self image again. It is this negative circle for me. If I would go to the gym, lose weight and be able to wear my good clothes, then I would be much happier about everything, but since I am so depressed, even reaching out for that solution is just not in me. 
That is why I came back here I had so much hope before and after the initial surgery that I hope to try and recapture it here. 

I am feeling your pain. I am going to celebrate my 3 year surgiversary in April and have not lost the last 60 lbs I need to lose. I had the VSG and am afraid to have RNY due to malabsorption issues. I am having lots of GERD and know I need to deal with the emotional eating because no surgery is going to make that go away.

Praying for all of us who need to win the battle.

Blessings,

Sharon

I can tell you from experience myself as well as for a huge bunch of people I know that have had the RNY- the absorption issues settle out after about a year. I take normal vitamins and have never had an issue with malnutrition. The first 6 months to year after RNY they call the honeymoon period. Your metabolism and absorption are weakened and you lose weight really well. During this time you develop the necessary life habits you need to maintain the weight loss, as your body adjusts and changes to live by the modified digestive process. I did great with that process for 4 years, but as I said, then I lost it all. Went back too old habits and failed my surgery. it did not fail me, I failed it, which in turn caused the key changes you get with the RNY, the small stomach or pouch as it is called, and the small stoma to help you feel full longer,  to adjust and fail too. 

I would not be afraid of the absorption issue with the RNY, and since you are still having issues, it might be worth another look at it. The distal surgery is the one that is pretty serious for absorption and malnutrition issues. That is the reason my insurance company will not even consider approving it. It does not allow the body to change the absorption issues, and you cannot "fail" that surgery. But it can cause some really bad side effects if you are really not hyper vigilant with you eating habits and supplements. 

RNY surgery is just a tool and some regain is almost universal.  The bad choices are easy to make, especially after the first few years.  You lost 179 pounds.  You gained back 92, so you kept off  87 pounds.  Many people lose 100 pounds and gain back 20 for a net loss of 80.  You did far better than that.

Keeping the weight off is a daily job.  You can lose more weight without a revision.  You just have to make up your mind to do the work and allow the time.   An excellent plan would be to make up your mind to drop one pound a week.

To do that you need to cut 500 calories a day or 3500 calories a week. 

I actually use fitday to mind calories and food type. I average between 1100 and 1300 a day. I had a resting metabolic test a month ago and it came out at 1400 cal a day. I have  a 6 year old and three old I care for so am not an sedentary person. That is what makes this so frustrating for me and the feeling that I just never will get out of this ditch. I need to go work out an hour or two a day and would actually love to do that. but it is really hard to do with the kids and responsibilities around here. I am just trying to carve out a way to do that but it is really hard, especially with the feeling of hopeless that plagues me.

I maintain at 1400 and lose at 900 a day.

White dove is right on!! Too many calories. I had surgery 12 years ago in Sept. I think I used to chat per say with you . You still have your tool. You know what to do. You don't need surgery and you don't need scolding. You  need a hug and a kick in the butt:-) I hate this term but go back to basics . You totally can do this. Portion control sweetie