Revision Possible?

I'm post-op 45 days from my gastric-bypass surgery. I still can't eat much of anything. Do I miss food? No...I miss nourishment and nutrition. Food is more of an issue for me now, than it ever was before this surgery; I am completely unhappy and I feel trapped in my body. I am back on full-liquids again. What's interesting is, I never know what's going to go down well and what isn't. I have a terrible time with all of my vitamins EXCEPT my chewable calcium and my iron. That's it. Yesterday I was able to have some sliced cheddar cheese and ritz crackers...that in itself is a HUGE miracle. Earlier on I could drink cream soups, now they hurt. Non-creamy soups hurt most of the time. Even veggies that are nearly mush inside canned soups, hurt once they're down. Last I weighed myself a few days ago, I had lost 43 lbs. I don't even care about taking the weight off at this point, because I know my body is being malnourished and I'm starving myself medically. When I last saw the doctor, Wednesday of last week, I couldn't help but just cry...I explained I was still having trouble, he wanted to perform an endoscopy...honestly...I don't want them doing anything inside my body again, I want this completely reversed. I want to do what I should have done the first time...exercise and eat healthy. I can't even express what an eye opener this has been for me. I had no health related issues at all. None. My blood pressure is higher now than it's ever been (my last visit was 144/77). I didn't have any mobility issues, energy issues, breathing problems, sleep apnea...nothing. I honestly feel that one of the doctor's should have said...why don't you try a steady diet and exercise instead? It's not THEIR fault alone, it's mine too...I think I believed this would just be an easy quick fix and I'd be done and moving. They talk about how much this isn't starvation because now your pouch is so small...but regardless, you're not feeding your body what it really needs. At least I'm not. I can't. I want my insides back to how they were. I want a second chance to be healthy on my own. To take care of my body the way I want to, to make the right food choices...but to at least be able to feed myself. I feel stuck...trapped...completely hopeless. I told him, I could have been anorexic without surgery...or bulimic. Everything I eat either creates incredible pain and then knocks me on my butt for hours, or I get the pain and vomit and then I'm on my butt for hours - just completely wiped out. I have no energy. I'm trying to fight terrible depression. I feel isolated, angry, sad, and I feel completely disappointed in myself. I did something I shouldn't have done and now I don't know that I can ever fix it. I don't want this revised to another form of surgery...I want to find someone who will re-route my body the way it was intended to be.

Does anyone at all have any experience with this? Should I even hope for it? Or am I just stuck for the rest of my life? I feel like I'm slowly dying. I never felt that way before. This just doesn't seem right to me at all.

You need to get that endoscopy to see if you have a stricture, that can be fixed and allow you to eat like you should. Also depression post surgery is very common so some meds for it could help. The anesthesia can really mess with your brain and body, plus the rap(id weight loss releases a flood of hormones that can cause emotional upheaval. It is almost a guarantee that people will get some "buyers remorse" immediately post op, so I would suggest you see your doc again and tell him you are still having a very difficult time. There are things he can do to help you but you have to let him (like the endoscopy). If it is a stricture (a build up of tissue that blocks swallowing) it can be opened up and/or nutrition given via IV or PICC line until you can get it orally. I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time but you have to trust your doc to help you. Good luck and let us know how things turn out. (((HUGS)))

Thank you Hislady. I totally appreciate what you're saying; I don't want to be on more medication and although I understand that there are emotional and physical changes that come with this operation, I am not interested in living like this for the rest of my life. It all happened rather quickly for me. I told them I was interested in revision and no one ever even called to see if I was doing any better; not very promising response. I want to have it reversed, heal, and move forward. Not have them go back in, mess with me again, for me to still be the same but just opened more to get more food. 

Thank you for your support and encouragement I do really appreciate that. :) I'm just at a place where I know what I want for my body; I wish I had been more clear inside 46 days ago. This is literally the biggest mistake of my life. Not sure how to fix it now. 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  In regards to reversal....no wls is completely reversible.  And complication risks are higher with revision/reversals.  The first thing you need to do is let your surgeon do the endoscopy.  Strictures are fairly common and easily fixed.  There is no reason to not have it.  I had a stricture that took several dialations to open up.  They can do this at the time of the endoscopy and does not require surgery.  

You are still really early out.  You would be hard pressed to get ANY reputable surgeon to revise you this early out.  You made the decision and now you have to work it.  My first couple of months were horrible.  I felt like you.  Absolutely miserable.  I had surgery beginning of May 2008 and literally did not eat until August.  I couldn't.  Everything I ate hurt or came back up.  I had to literally beg my surgeon to do an endoscopy.  You are lucky that your surgeon is listening to you and offering solutions....not just blaming you, like my surgeon did.  UGH.  The endoscopy showed a stricture that was so small....he was amazed I was drinking anything at all!  After being dialated three times, the stoma was finally at the size it was supposed to be at.  Once the stricture was fixed, I was able to eat and drink normally and life got much better...at least until the regain started (another story---I revised to DS in April of 2011).

Hang in there.  Let your surgeon figure out what is causing all the discomfort and fix it.  You will be amazed how much better you will feel.  Feeling better will change your outlook.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I am not diminishing your feelings when I tell you what you feel is completely normal.  Many of use early out had buyers remorse.  I know I did.  I had a revision very quickly, within 8 days of seeing my surgeon, so I didn't really have time to process what it would mean to my life.  When reality hit and I realized that I would never be able to eat large quantities again and that I would get sick if I tried to eat things with sugar I wanted a way back machine.  The first year is such an adjustment.  Is there a support group near by you can go to?  How about a counselor you can talk to?

As far as a reversal, unless you want to pay a lot of money it is very unlikely that your insurance would pay for a reversal just because you are having second thoughts.  I don't think they would be happy to have dished out all that money for WLS and then less then 2 months later having you come back and say "never mind".  I don't know the process you went through to have WLS but the process to having it reversed is even harder.  Basically your life has to be on the line.

I am here to tell you, nearly 4 years later, that I am used to my new way of life.  It has become my  new normal and most of the time I don't even give it a second thought.  A few weeks ago I had a mini meltdown when I went out to eat with my boyfriend and got pork chops.  I usually get a regular meal at restaurants and take leftovers home for another meal but I thought I would at least me able to finish one pork chop but I couldn't.  I felt frustrated because it tasted so good and I wanted to eat more so bad but I physically wasn't able to.  But that is once in 3 1/2  years.  Most of the time I am happy that I can go out with my boyfriend and order the senior prime rib, 8 oz, and turn that into 3 meals.  Sure saves the money.

Hang in there and talk to us if you can't find anyone IRL to talk to.  We understand and many of us have been there and we will help talk you down the ledge.

Good luck to you.

Thank you, you really made me smile. :) I know most of the others here wouldn't intentionally make someone else feel bad or try to diminish my feelings. I also realize that it's so early in the game. I have to say...I really didn't want the surgery...I finally just thought, okay I'll just do it, it'll be easy to get off weight and then get working out. It wasn't a difficult process for me at all. Especially because I didn't have any health issues and really I only have 100lbs total to lose. But doing it, made me realize how much I want to do it the slow way...changing my eating habits,  working out, etc. I fully realize some day I'll eat more regular portions...it's not that. It's the fact that my insides are re-routed and unnatural. And really, I wasn't heavy enough, long enough, to do a major surgery that is life long. It was stupid of me. It wasn't thought through the way it should have been. It's not that I want to eat whatever I want, it's that I want my insides to be the way they were intended, the way I was born. I should have never done this. I didn't even complete a diet regime ahead of time, until the pre-op diet. It's just wrong, altogether. And I'm completely unhappy. Completely unable to get my vitamins down without being sick or in pain. I have to cut my potassium in sixths and my multi is the same, then it takes me all day to try and get a full pill in. Lol. It's insanity. I can't manage to get anywhere near the amount of water I should be. I'm getting about 1/2 - 1 full 16.9 oz bottle of water a day. It's not healthy or right. I'm starting my search for doctors now, so I can have some hope for a normal future. This isn't healthy or normal to me. And no, neither is being severely obese, I understand...but like I said this happened way too fast and there wasn't any diet required or done beforehand. I could have taken the time to exercise and change my eating habits; it would have taken longer, but it would have been the smarter healthier way to do things. 

Thank you for your encouragement and understanding. Really. :) I know you're sincere. ;)

That is a big issue I have about many surgeons who do WLS.  They do not provide enough pre op education and post op support.  I know in my case it was very easy to have WLS.  The first time I just went in and the surgeon checked my BMI and found my insurance would pay with not having to pre authorize and I was scheduled that day with no preparation at all.  Little wonder I failed miserably.  Even with the revision I had to do all my own education, there was nothing from the surgeon.  I really think it would be in everyone's best interest to spend more time educating patients and giving them support and counseling if needed.  Maybe if you had to do classes and jump through a lot of hoops you may not have gone through with it but what is done is done.  I had to accept that there was no going back.  At six months out I found out that my surgeon didn't bypass my stomach, he removed it.  No one told me.  I know I never gave consent.  All I had left was a tiny about of stomach, the rest was removed.  There really was no turning back for me.  I really had a hard time with that one.

In time I just learned to accept what I could not change.  There is nothing more I can do and I will only make myself miserable if I dwell on it.  I try to keep focused on the positives.  I am lucky in that I really don't have any problems.  I can eat what I want.  I choose to avoid sugar, which does make me dump but the plan was to avoid it in any case so that is a good thing for me.  I avoid gluten and that seems to help with the cravings since I am a refined carb addict.  

Another thing that helps is that I am 56 years old.  I have no illusions that I could keep the weight off by myself.  I have no record of success in the department in my life.  I have been a normal size for over 3 years now.  I can honestly tell you that I have never gone 3 years in the same clothes in my life.  I was up and down all my life.  I lost and regained 100 + lbs more times then I could count.  People never knew when they saw me if they were getting the fat Laura or the thin one.  It was very embarrassing to run into people who knew me as a normal sized person and they would see me 100 lbs heavier a year later.  Even though I had lost weight so many times before as I got older it was harder and harder.  I know without a doubt that without WLS I would be around 300 lbs or more by now.  So I focus on that and not on what I can't eat because really, that is the only thing I have given up is eating large quantities of junk food whenever I felt like it.  That really is the only difference in my life then 4 years ago when I could eat at will.  Now I think about what I'm going to eat and I plan.  And I can stick with it because I am not hungry all the time.

Anyway, sorry to bore you.  I really hope you are able to come to terms with your situation and if not that you find a way to get a reversal.  That is really something only a surgeon can advice you on.  I hope things work out for you.

I so agree with all you.  I too would have been 300+ as I was rapidly gaining after menopause.That is a reason for using a COE or what ever they are going to start calling them with the new requirements for certification.  At least they have to follow the minimum amount of pre/post education/support, nutrition and therapy.  Hopefully the new standards will be better.  But there are so many surgeons doing the surgeries that don't go thru certification.  You can't stop people from using them and some prefer them as the can get what they want fast. This time around I am working with a therapist.

Dear Ladytazz, I too am in my fifties and have done the diet thing for most of my life.  I am scheduled for my gastric sleeve on July 1.  I am finding you comments very calming and helpful.  I am so afraid of failing at this but I want to do this.  I am sorry your surgeon removed you stomach.  that must have been horrible.  I too hope I will be as gracious as you. 

I can't tell you how angry I got close to four months post Band surgery when the euphoria over the weight melting off passed and the fact that I COULD NOT eat as I wished hit me.  The tiny little bird like portions that I was positive could not possibly sustain a human (but did!) seemed ridiculous and regularly every week I would sit in front of a delicious looking (and smelling) repast and eat too fast and suffer the consequences.  About the time I REALLY rebelled Starbucks came out with the yearly eggnog latte and since i had a band and not an RNY I was sunk.