Feeling like a complete failure :(

First thing to note is I have never had a revision and was told the success of revisions are low and was recommended I don't have one.

Well, I am not really sure where to go with this post or how to describe how I am feeling. I started this journey at over 500 pounds. I had high hopes of losing all my weight. I had rny 5 years ago and lost 150 pounds (from surgery weight to my lowest) when in reality I needed to lose 350 pounds. I followed all the rules for my first 7 ish months when I lost mostly the 150 pounds then I am not sure what happened. I exercised some but not like I should have.  I feel like I failed my weight loss surgery because I should have followed ALL the rules, I should have exercised. I should have done alot of things and didn't. I have gained back about 30 pounds and trying so hard to lose weight again and make my tool work for me.

I just don't get the scale sometimes. When I have tried my heart out, counting calories, counting fat, counting carbs, counting sodium intake, counting protein and lose 3 pounds in 2 months. I have even put effort into exercising. It is so hard when I made this decision to have surgery I was serious. I wanted to follow all the rules. I watched people as they lost all their weight, or get close to goal. Yes I know it could be worse, I realize I could be back up to 500 pounds, I could have gained EVERYTHING back PLUS some. Every year I say..this will be my year, this will be the year I make progress and do this for me. I am tired of being morbidly obese, I am tired of the stares I STILL get when I go grocery shopping, I am tired of still wearing 3x and sometimes 4x clothing, I am tired of  struggling to walk and every bone and muscle in my body aching. I want a better life for myself. I am still unable to get a real job because my weight holds me back.

I guess what I really want to know is how many have lost weight after regaining some? How did you do it? How many calories did you eat? A nutritionist has told me 5 meals a day at 300 calories each meal. (3 meals and 2 snacks a day) fuel my body. I have tried that consistently for 2 months and the scale goes up and down. I don't get it. My thyroid is fine. I have no medical issue as to why this is. Yes my metabolism is messed up royally!!! I just don't know how many calories to consume. I am thinking 1500 might be too much but I have no idea.

Any thoughts, opinions, suggestions is so much appreciated!!! thank you.

Hi there!  So sorry to hear of your struggles!  ❤  Which surgery did you have???

You are not a failure.  If you had cancer and it came back does that mean you are a failure?  You had WLS and it worked to a point.  You lost 150 lbs and you kept off 120.  That may not seem like a big deal but what you did was arrest your obesity.  If you hadn't of had WLS I doubt your weight would have stayed stable.  I know mine wouldn't of.  I had my first WLS in 2002.  I lost 120 lbs initially.  When I had my revision in 2010 I weighed 220, a regain of 100 lbs.  Yeah, a net loss of 20 lbs in 8 years is pretty pathetic but I know without a doubt that had I not had surgery I would have easily been 300+ in 8 years at the rate I was gaining.

Now, obviously the surgery you had wasn't enough to take care of your problem completely.  There are options.  I don't know where you live but truthfully at your weight your best bet would have been the DS.  I am guessing your surgeon didn't even mention the DS because not a lot of surgeons do it compared to RNY but it is the most powerful WLS out there right now.  It also demands the most responsibility for you as far as monitoring your labs and taking supplements.  I think that is why a lot of surgeons don't recommend the DS, because they see the high rate of noncompliance long term from WLS patients with other surgeries like the RNY, which can cause major problems and they probably worry that it would be even worse if they had a DS because those problems could be even bigger.  But for you I think it would be your best option to find an experienced DS revision surgeon for a consult.  Unless you are lucky you may have to travel.  I know 2 of the best are in California.  There is a list around here with the list.  It is pretty short but in terms of the rest of your life and it's quality I think it is at least you looking into it.

Dr. RABKIN AND DR. KISHISHIAN ARE IN CA.

i know you are sad but try to get out of your hole and fix yourself....you are not a failure....what you need to ask yourself is did you get the correct surgery for your bmi?  at >500lbs your best bet is the DS, have you looked into a rny to ds revision?  no one is 100 % perfect....if you should have yourself to death you will never get anywhere, fine line between accountability and abuse.  get some info, there are few surgeons that will do a rny to ds....do a lot of research, post on the ds board....keep looking you are worth everything and not a failure....

Big hug!  Now go check out the DS boards.  There are many that do well with the RNY for the first 18 months to 2 years.  Than the RNY starts to adjust and you no longer mal-absorb the calories but, does the nutrients.  So you are left with a restriction only surgery but, still need to supplement the nutrients.

I hope you get the help you need.

You are not a failure!  I had band surgery in 2009 and lost almost 100 lbs and have since gained nearly all of it back, because I was sick of throwing up all the time I had all the fluid removed.  I am now scheduled for revision to sleeve in November.

Yes it sucks big time that I am nearly as big as I was in 2009 but I just have to think of how miserable I was for the year that I was dropping weight like it was nothing, I was literally living on protein shakes & cream soup for 6 mos of the year, couldn't even swallow the vitamins I was suppose to take. So do not beat yourself up, you are still down 120 lbs and are conscious of the fact that you need help.  That is a huge step in the right direction.

I do not know much about the DS surgery but a lot of people think that's what is good for you.  I would highly suggest you see your doctor and take the necessary steps to get a revision surgery so you can continue on your WL journey.

Hugs,

Lisa