People's reactions to the rny

When I had the band placed, I didn't tell anyone except my husband, mother and brother. Only my husband was supportive. My mom and brother were more freaked out than anything. This time, I have mentioned to a few friends that I am planning to get the bypass. They were all horrified.

I am over 100lbs overweight. People seem to see this as something I can either live with, or just lose 20lbs and feel better. Of course they have seen me attempt to diet again and again with ultimately poor results. They are just scared that I would do something so drastic. Of course, I have researched this for a long time and am presenting it as a fait accompli - my mind is made up. I'm not looking for anything but support and well wishes. Needless to say, not receiving that support is disappointing and alienating.
Also, per the advice of many on here, I found a therapist to help me through this process. The first thing she said was, why don't I consider not getting this surgery. It was hard to find a therapist and even harder to find someone weight-loss surgery friendly. I feel like if I am going to be 'out there' with this, I will need to do a major PR campaign! Of course, it seems I may choose to not be 'out there' with it going forward!
Just venting, really. But if people have been through this and have some helpful advice, I'm all ears!

I feel for you, completely understand why you feel alienated. I think you're going to have to focus first on the people who DO support you - however few that is - first. Next, get a new therapist! Last thing you need is judgement from that person, unless he/she is trying to clarify first that it's really the right decision for you. The early part of therapy can be annoying and frustrating while they get to know you/history. Support boards might be your salvation, and you can make many great friends, real connections on them. I just underwent a revision from an RNY to a DS 8 days ago; my RNY was in 2002, and I'm still friends today with people from that original surgery support time. Some I've been able to meet in person, some I still haven't met but are so dear! It will help tremendously in relieving the alienation. 

Without knowing you, are you also fully committed to living a healthy lifestyle, not just being on a diet, there's nothing about your dedication they are questioning? It does sound like, though, they just are indeed freaked about by the 'radical' nature of the surgery, and it's hard to turn people around. I think you're wise to stick to your plan, be consistent, be ready to work, and hopefully, some of those closest to you will come around. And, you will make new friends too within the WLS communities. It wasn't easy for me to tel my friends, loved ones that I made the decision to have the revision; I had a tough road with my RNY, a complication a week after, a second surgery 3 weeks later, hernia surgery a year later. But they know I hard I have fought, worked, my frustration/grief, and trusted when I told them a found a specialist in this particular conversion to handle my surgery. I'm not 'out' to many new friends here in LA, where I moved 6 years ago, not because I have anything to hide, but because I prefer to keep this part of my life private. 

I don't know if any of this helps, and I  wish you well! 

Hi Sharyl,

Hey, you revised to the DS?! Good for you! 
I just wanted to say hi and Happy Holidays!  Hope you're healing well! 
xoxo
Nicci

Helloooo Ms. Nicci! Yes, I did indeed revise to the DS, and am on the other side a whole 12 days now :-) I couldn't take anymore struggling to get under 200 lbs, and then saw my weight climb, and it was enough. Thanks for saying howdy, hope you are well, and happy holidays to you too! 

Hi Sharyl,

Thank you for your reply. I am considering finding a new therapist. It was the first meeting so I don't want to jump to conclusions. I have another meeting scheduled with her next week and will try to decide after that if she is a fit for me.

I hope everything goes well for you with the DS!

I revised from the band to the RNY, on Nov. 28th, and had very good support from friends and family, and if someone does have a problem, they have not let me know about it. However, I did worry about reactions, and then I began to think, no one had a problem with me also having my gall bladder taken out, it was causing me pain, not life threatening though, and no one thought twice about it. No one I know that has had open heart surgery, has ever had someone give them a hard time for that decision, even though maybe it was what they were eating that caused it and they could probably have changed their diet and may have been fine. Or when I had surgery on my wrist, I could have lived with the pain, but no one thought I was wrong for wanting it to go away. Being obese is painful! Obese people try and try and try, to lose the weight, and I did I have lost hundreds of pounds, it is keeping it off that is the problem. So why not want to do something to get rid of the pain? I am also sure that if the first open heart surgery is not as effective as they need it to be they go another route, and say, like my  mom, had open heart surgery, and then later it did not work out, so she had to have an artificial valve put in, not one person tried to talk her out of it. So think of it as a preventative and corrective procedure to relieve your pain. And just like some of the other surgeries, you could live with the pain, but why would you. You will be in my prayers, and I hope you will find peace with your decisions, and so will the others in your life.

Hi Jess,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply! I really appreciate all of your insights.

Best wishes,

Sneeka

You are most welcome; therapy in the beginning is indeed tough, it takes awhile for them to get to know you, your history, establish a rapport. You'll know within the next few visits whether it's clicking or not. I think you are very grounded in your thought process and you will find your way. Like Jess, I have been fortunate to have the support of friends and family. And I couldn't agree MORE about the analogy to pain and other illnesses/surgery she compared what we go through. Spot on. It's exactly how I felt making the decision to revise, and my anxiety came more from my past surgery difficulties. I wish you well, keep on keeping on!

 A WL support group may be better than a therapist and a lot cheaper!  The people there understand your problems and can offer advice.  Many have experienced the same things.  It sure would be worth a try.