FEELING LET DOWN

  I FIND MYSELF WITH MEN WHO I WISH COULD LOVE ME. THE PAST FEW DAYS I WAS WITH A MAN WHO I ADORE I.WAS THERE WITH HIM DURING HIS SURGERY.HOTEL ROOM BECAUSE HE WAS NOT ABLE TO CLIMB. STAIRS GOT HIM FOOD AND WATER USED MY GAS TO AND FROM AND BACK TO THE HOSPITAL TO DROP OFF SOME FORMS. AND BACK TO THE ROOM.........I ASKED HIM CAN I STAY WITH HIM ONE-MORE NIGHT.HE SAID NO HE HAD SOME PLANS....HE SAID I SHOULD OF TOLD HIM.AHEAD OF TIME..................HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT HE MADE PLANS.HOW DID HE KNOW HE WAS WELL ENOUGH................HE TOLD ME HE DOES NOT WANT ME AROUND TO LONG BECAUSE HE DON'T WANT TO LOOSE OUR FRIENDSHIP.....................I HAVE BEEN A FOOL FOR THE LAST TIME. I FIND MYSELF ALONE AND HURT ON THINGS I DO FOR MEN I MADE A PROMISE FOR MYSELF THIS WAS THE LAST TIME............................OTHER THINGS DID HAPPEN BEFORE IT CAME TO THIS. .LIKE A DOCTOR WHO IN SO MANY WORDS SAID I WAS TOO FAT FOR A SPINAL.........HE DID NOT WANT TO EAT WITH ME AT A PUBLIC PLACE AT THE HOTEL.................HE DID TELL ME 2YEARS AGO THAT HE LIKES SKINNY WOMEN..BUT HE DID NOT HATE FAT ONES...............I REALLY WANTED HIM TO LOVE ME.BUT WHAT THE WORDS HE CAME UP WITH AND EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPEND.I'M TOO FAT IN THE WORLD I LIVE IN....I'M 55 YEARS OLD WANT A MAN TO REALLY LOVE ME.I HAD THE MEN.BUT I'M TOO FAT.MY DOCTOR WHO SAID HE WILL NOT GIVE ME THE SURGERY.TODAY I WISH I WAS DEAD.PLEASE DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.ITS ONLY AN EMOTION THAT I WANTED TO WRITE OUT.THERE ARE PRETTY OF WOMEN WHO HAVE MEN WHO LOVE THEM WHO ARE OVERWEIGHT. THE ONE THAT DID NOT CARE.HE IS DEAD.I USE TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO HIM.BUT HE IS GONE FOREVER.THE MAN THAT I TALKED TO FOR OVER 2YEARS NOT LONGER WANTS ME BECAUSE I'M TOO TOO FAT.I NEVER WANTED TO LOSE HIM.HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE WE TALKED EVERYDAY.BUT WHEN IT CAME TO MONEY.I HELPED HIM BECAUSE HE DID NOT HAVE HELP FROM HIS UNEMPLYEMENT.SO I HELPED HIM.EVEN GAVE HIS DAUGHTER FLOWER'S FOR HER BIRTHDAY............BUT WHEN IT CAME TO GETTING HIS MONEY BACK.HE SAID I SOULD OF NEVER ASKED FOR THE MONEY BACK.MONEY FOR MEN HAVE A LOT OF TWIST AND TURNS.BEFORE THESE MEN THERE WAS A MAN WHO I WAS IN LOVE WITH FOR OVER 6YEARS WHO TOOK ATVANTAGE OF MY HEART AND MY MONEY.........I HAD A NERVIOUS BREAKDOWN. WAS AN ACHOLOCIC.AND TODAY.I FIND THAT MY WEIGHT HAS A LOT TO DUE WITH MY HAPPINESS.PEOPLE TELL ME.THEY WERE JERKS.BUT I WAS THE JERK.I CANNOT HAVE ANY LOVE FROM A MAN.UNLESS I LOOSE THIS WEIGHT. THE THERISP WANTS ME TO LEARN COPING SKILLS HOW CAN I STOP CRYING IF I FEEL USED AND HURT. WHAT DOES A PERSON STOP THAT.I HOPE KAISER WILL GET ME A CHANCE AGAIN FOR A REVISION.IF NOT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.MY TWO FRIENDS.THAT WAS AND IS THEY ARE AND DON'T WANT A FAT WOMAN................IF I HAD STAYED AT GOAL FOR THE WLG.I WOULD OF HAD MAN #1MY LIFE DEPENDS ON ANY KIND OF WLS...........I LIVE IN THIS BODY I HAVE VERY SENTIVE EMOTIONS DUE TO CHILDHOOD WHEN A TEACHER MADE FUN OF ME ON A BUS.A HIGH SCHOOL TOLD ME TO GET AN ABORTION A DENTIST TRY TO CUT OUT MY TOUNGE. WAS MOLESTED BY A MAN MY MOTHER WHO KNEW HIS WIFE.AND A MOTHER WHO TURNED AGAINST ME.THAT MADE MY AUNT HATE ME.WHO DIED BELEIVING THAT.A HOUSE THAT WAS TAKEN AWAY BY MY DAUGHTER WHO PROMISED ME IT BACK.I'M SO PLEASE EXCUSE MY SPELLING AND VOCAULAR EDNA

Hugs! Sounds like u have really been through a lot! Are u in counceling now? I would suggest that. As much as u have been through it might help to talk to someone.

Remember this though..........People will not have respect for you if u don't have respect for yourself. U deserve to be treated better than u have. NEVER let anyone treat you disrespectfully! NEVER! And never let a man have money! Don't let ppl take advantage of you anymore. Ppl will be treated the way they allow others to treat them, so be firm with your boundaries. If a man wants money..........expects u to pay for food and gas............doesn't want to be seen out in public with u...........GET RID OF HIM! He's not worth it.

Good luck!

Amen!  And don't believe that you will never have a man love you because you are overweight.  There are plenty of women on here that are married or have boyfriends and they aren't thin.
My boyfriend has been with me when I was 130lbs heavier and never said a word.
Don't give a guy money, don't give him your heart until you are sure he is worthy.  It is too precious to be handing out to just anyone.
God bless you.