Three months post revision down 31 lbs but totally depressed

Hi revisioners,

Had a RNY revision on 11/19/09 and lost 24 lbs the first month and 6 in the second month. I have been at the same weight for the last three weeks and it goes up two pounds, down one, down two, back up two, and now back to the same weight I was at 60 days out which is a 31 pound total loss. I have 60 more pounds to lose and I really want to lose them by the end of the year or at least within the 18 month honeymoon window.  

I intake 80-120 g of protein a day, at LEAST 64 ounces or more of water a day, all of my vitamin supplements, and I keep a food diary. I am not eating any white flour, no alcohol, no starches, and no white sugar except 2 Dove Promises at night. Two weeks ago I started seriously exercising....
ice skating two times a week, and jumping on my mini-trampoline 20 minutes every day (amazing how sore your stomach and back get after doing that). I will find out my 60 day lab results in a couple of weeks but  I am totally depressed.

The revision did not curb my hunger and there is no dumping at all which is what helped me avoid certain foods during my first surgery. I am hungry all night long even though I pace out my food properly. I was at a birthday party yesterday with my protein shake and watched everyone eat cake later when I ate my protein bar. It just sucks.
 
I knew the weight loss would be slower but my doctor said about a pound a week. When it has stalled for 3 weeks I have felt frustrated even though I am following every direction I am supposed to be following!

I am also having very dark, negative thoughts. When there is no food to "cover up" the feelings it feels like all the feelings I have smashed down over the past few years are rearing their ugly heads. I have been going to support group but listening to the "newbies" talk about protein grams and hair falling out is just not relevant for a revision patient. I don't have the bikini fantasy type of ideas anymore. I just want to release these last 60 pounds and stay there for life. I know when I started gaining weight again (it was predicated by a painful breakup three years ago) I started eating poorly again to get through, started drinking alcohol, and whatever I wanted.  Now I realize that white flour, sugar, alcohol and I will never be friends again and there is a serious mourning that occurs with that.

I am turning 41 and have been single for three years and I sometimes wonder who I am losing the weight and exercising for and whether I will be alone for the rest of my life because I am fat. (Even though I have been married, had 6 long term live-in boyfriends which netted 5 marriage proposals so I have not been a wallflower at all.) I live in California and it seems like this "war on obesity" has really changed peoples' attitudes. I never had a problem getting a date even when I was super huge and now it's like a desert oasis.

I have an appointment with a private eating disorder counselor and I am not suicidal but I have been sleeping an inordinate amount of time and I just want to be alone most of the time which I know is a sign of depression. I don't believe in anti-depressants and most of them cause weight gain so I have to find some way out of this funk.

Anyway, this was immensely personal and hard to write down but it is the truth of where I am. Even losing the remaining 60 pounds for MY goal weight will put me at 50 pounds over the weight charts but that is irrelevant to me. I want to be at a weight where I know I was in the past, aka 220 as I am 5'9" and be healthy. And I guess I have to do it for me because who knows? I could be single for the rest of my life or I could not be. God only knows.

Thanks for reading.

(((( Hugs))))  But 31lbs is great weight loss for a revision for three months.  I know we all want it off now but you are doing great.  Keep up the exercise it should help with the depression.  Maybe if you could see a regular counselor that might help. 

Oh you poor wee parsnip!  Am I right in understanding you revised from an RNY to an RNY?  Sorry if I'm being dense!  I just can't get my head around why your doctor wouldn't have pointed you in the direction of the DS for your weight loss needs.  I am guessing that malabsorbtion is what you need right now.

Anyway your emotional responses are entirely normal.  I am a compulsive eater and felt a sense of terrible loss when I no longer had an appetite at all.  How weird is that being emotionally attached to the behavior that almost killed me?  Like you I need to see a cognitive behavioral therapist to work through these issues.  It starts in self esteem and radiates into compulsion.

I have not had a revision and came over here out of curiosity after sending folks from the main board over here.  I couldn't help responding to you because I just wanted to give you a big mumsie cuddle.  You are not in a good position to have a partner at the moment.  For starters your self esteem is tanking out and you'd likely make bad choices when it comes to men.  Just leave that well alone for now and don't put loneliness in the same basket as your depression. 

Honey you'll get there in the end.  Just have some faith in your own process and get support from a good CBT practitioner.

xx

If you are going through all this trials, troubles and treatments just because you don't want to be alone YOU ARE WRONG.  I can sense the frustration about not being able to eat and about not being  noticed and dated by any man. It makes me very sad for you. Is good to have a partner, a stable man, but you can not put your worth in it.  Have you ever heard and consider having a Duodenal Switch? That could be a good start for you. Will resolve your inability to eat certain foods. No, you will not dump (you don't  anyway) but will give you more freedom for other foods (like fat) and you will feel less deprived and have better results losing weight and maintaining. Have you consider counseling? No matter where you live, good looking, younger girls are going to win always over the not so young ones no matter how good they look; but the better you look the best is going to be for you in how you feel about yourself and how other's react to you.
I think you have been being very hard with yourself and your thoughts are leading you further and further into dispair. Breath deep and slow down. There are solutions out there. If RNY is not doing it for you, there is an option: DS. visit DSfacts.com and decide if that could help you. Seek counseling to strenghten your self-esteem. It will benefit you greatly. We all can succeed, it just takes some people a little bit more help and effort.  I wish you well.

Peace and good.

You are still hungry because the part of your stomach that produces the hormone ghrelin is still there.  If you had a VSG (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy), that part of your stomach would be gone forever.  A very huge portion of RNY patients never experience dumping syndrome, and it sounds like you are one of those.

With any WLS, people can and do find a way to "eat around" it and can regain weight.  The WLS with the highest patient satisfaction rate is the Duodenal Switch.  It incorporates the VSG (which provides wonderful restriction without dumping) with the "switch" part, which allows malabsorption (that's how DSers keep their weight off long term).  Most bariatric surgeons do not perform the DS, and so do not promote it.  It's a real shame, because it's a wonderful, miraculous WLS. 

If the RNY failed you the first time, doing a revision of the same surgery strikes me as pretty useless.  It's time to examine a different, more powerful WLS.  Do it now, before your insurance follows suit and restricts WLS to one time, per person, per lifetime.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough go.  But what does "I don't believe in antidepressants" even mean?

You don't believe they work?  You don't believe you deserve help for your depression?

The stigma surrounding mental illness is alive and well.

For God's sake get help for your depression and be grateful it is available.

Becky

I just want to give you a big hug. (((((  )))))

#1 There are antidepressants available that do not cause weight gain!

#2 Start walking a little bit and then increase it daily, not for weight loss, for your depression.  Exercise will help release good endorphins and make you feel better.

#3 You need a therapist.  Not a man.  There will be a man when it's time for one but your self worth should not be determined by whether you have a partner or not.

#4 You need to do this for yourself. You are worthy!  Fat or thin, happy or sad, single or not, you are worthy.  It is always easier to love someone who loves herself and when you do that you will attract the kind of man who is worthy of you..

Good luck to you,
Michele

from experience, I could never take in that much protein.  I would either gain or stay the same.  Try decreasing it slightly and see,

IMO your eating way to much protein, Try 60 gms for a couple of wks ... and see what happens.  If nothing you can always go back up to the 120 your at now.

As far as the other stuff, it sounds like your on the right track getting into therapy.

Best of luck,

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I had a revision from a VGS to an RNY.  I was told by my Dr.. it would be like having a whole new WLS and "should" be able to meet my goal weight.  But that has not been the case. It has been 2.5 months and I have only lost 27 lbs.  I eat between 500-600 calories per day. 60-70 grams of Protien. Approx. 20-30 grams of carbs and no more than 30 grams of fat.  I am EXTERMELY depressed as I did not understand that I would be losing so painfully slow.  It is so hard to see everyone around me eating normally and I am eating such small amounts of food, yet NOT losiing much weight. It has been 2 weeks and I have lost not one pound.  The worse part is unlike my orginial surgery, I am hungry all the time. I have 2 friends that had an RNY around the same time as me. Neither can eat much and are never hungry.  I am the opposite. I am hungry ALL the time. I just force myself not to eat. I weigh and measure all my food. I mostly eat only light seafood.  I also seem to be able to eat quite a bit at a time. I easily can eat 4 oz of fish without any problem and 1/2 cup of veggies.  Within an hour I am hungry again. I don't eat as I really want to make this work, but I am becoming more and more depressed every day.  I feel duped. I feel like I re-arranged my intestines for nothing. I have terrible gas all the time, have no joy in eating and STILL barely any weight loss. I could handle the not eating and gas if I was at least losing more weight. I could justify it in my head. But, right now I am just sad and depressed and feel like a big failure.  I don't think my Dr. believes that I really am eating only 500-600 calories a day. But I am. I write down everything I eat.

I truly feel at my wits end and am having a hard time not crying and feeling in a very, very dark place.  Anyone have any suggestions or has anyone experienced this sort of painfully s-l-o-w weight loss and being hungry all the time?