Stinkin Thinking

Good Morning all of my gorgeous and handsome Ladies and Gentlemen of Obesity Help.

I have been reading some post this morning and was compelled to write because I saw a few things that saddened me and made me want to share a little bit of myself so that maybe I could help someone else.

I saw a lot of post from people on various boards that were stuck in a rut so to speak.

They were post with lots of negative talk and thinking about themselves.

I can relate to a lot of the thought patterns because in my distant past I was the same way.

I was so beaten down by people, cir****tances, my body, and just life in general that I saw no signs of hope for me in sight.

I was hopeless, lifeless, in utter despair, consumed with darkness and gloom, and to be blunt attempted suicide on numerous occasions and had to have mental health interventions.

Some of you may know if you have known me since first coming to OH in 2002 that I have a background of domestic violence as a child, sexual abuse as a child and teenager, drug abuse as a child, teenager and young adult, eating disorder as a child, teenager, and young adult, body dysmorphia as a child, teenager, and young adult, and cutting as a child, teenager, and young adult, etc.

There is nothing that I have not seen or been through physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc.

My life was been no bed of roses or walk in the park.

While I realize a lot of people's lives were not that way, but I am what my therapist likes to call a walking miracle.

I spent the majority of my life fighting for survival.

I will not go into details as it is way to traumatic to discuss, but it was things that you could not fathom how someone could survive.

It was not until a few years ago that I had finally realized that all of the awful things that had happened to me was not my fault and that I was not a horrible person.

For years I thought that everything that happened to me in my life was deserved in some way because I was a horrible person.

I felt like  I was a horrible person because in my mind there is no way that the things that kept happening to me could happen unless I was horrible.

I was angry at God for years because people always say Good things happen to good people.

Bad things were always happening to me so I equated that with being a bad person.

Thank Goddess I managed to find a good therapist and great support groups and finally started believing in myself.

I let go of all of the negative thoughts that I had been believing about myself and started creating positive ones.

I am not gonna lie and tell you this happened over night because it took years of me working in therapy and support groups.

I started believing in myself and loving myself and that is when the stinkin thinking stopped.

I finally started seeing that while everything in my life may not always go the way I want them to that it does not necessarily mean that it is a reflection on me.

Sometimes when things do not go the way you wanted them to maybe that is the way it was meant to be and you can grow and learn from it.

I am still in therapy by choice for maintenance and to continue working through childhood trauma.

I have bad days still and I am not perfect and sometimes want to resort back to my stinkin thinking, but because of my tools that I have learned in therapy I now have resources.

I am able to see both sides of things now and not just always the negative side.

I found this link below and it has a lot of the information that I learned in therapy.

I am posting it in the hopes that maybe you can take something from it and change your stinkin thinking and in turn change your life.

mental-health.families.com/blog/stop-talking-dirty-to-yourse lf

I am by no means trying to tell you how to live your life, but when I see people being miserable and self deprecating I see the old me that was suffering and barely living and I just wanted to reach out and help you see there is another way.

Take what you can from what I posted and leave what you can't.

"So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them." Stephen Chbosky

"A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?" Kahlil Gibran

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." Douglas Adams

www.youtube.com/watch

Teena, you're an inspiration. The other day my friend posted a message which said "we deserve what we accept." I am making a conscious choice to not accept negative perceptions of me, especially from me.

If we fall into the negative thinking and feel we deserve the crap in our lives, it'll attract more negativity.

Thank you.

Your friends message is right.

I tell my friends in abusive relationships and who have men who keep cheating on them this, but they do not get it.

They accept the negativity as if it is normal and when I show them another way they automatically go back to the negativity because that is all they know and they refuse to be open to positivity.

Positivity is infectious and life changing if you just let it in.

  Teena you are amazing in more ways then one!  Thank you so much for sharing a bit about yourself about things that obviously were  very difficult  for you.  I know that can be hard in itself.  Your strength is commendable.  

I said it before and I will say it again....YOU ROCK!

Mew,

Thank you very much.

Even though my past was a difficult one it is just that in the past.

I survived it and I just wanted to show others that they can overcome anything that they want to.

17 hours left now.

You ROCK!!!!

Teena,

 

If I were closer to you I would fihd you and hug you right now.  I was  just about to post something about how sometimes even though I am happy for others that have lost tons of weight I am down on myself and obviously too hard on myself because I haven't lost as much.  The thing is, I finally realized, is that I can't lose as much as I didn't have as uch to lose to start with as some have had to lose.  I love you for what you shared with us because I know it took a lot of courage and like you said years of therapy, etc,  I am going to take from your post what I can and fortunately I don't think I am leaving anything because you helped me really "get it" and I a thankful beyond what my mere wirds can portray on this board....THANK YOU MANY TIMES OVER!!  I deserve what I accept and I accept myself as human and doing the best I can do will always be good enough!! 

 

Terri *smiles*

Terri,

Thank you so much for your response to my post.

I am glad that you were able to take something from it.

You are very welcome.

I am glad you get it.

I wish you well on your journey.

Much success.