What Am I Doing???

Long story short went to ER in small town Illionis for stomach flu when er dr raised questions about my weight gain and some pain. So there are no dr's in a hundred mile radius that knows anything about the RNY, So I call my surgeon from Pensacola, Fl (had rny done 2/05) and tell them what this ER doctor said. At first I felt like they were mad at me because I haven't followed up with him in the last 4 years..umm can we say military moves? And I have kept up with bloodwork!! Best I can do when you are military! So finally the nurse asked a few more questions and really started to back down and be nice.. so their office orders an Upper GI to check for ulcers and fistulas. So I am going to do that on Monday. But seriously what is the use! I mean my surgeon (Dr. David Nye) is all the way in Florida where I use to live. What do we do if something is wrong? But worse yet, What if there isn't anything wrong with me and I am just fat all over again and I failed?? AHHHH!!! I seriously can't take this!! I battle my weight every single day!! I cry every single day over this! I never thought this would happen again! My friends make fun of me because I have NO junk food in the house!! I just don't eat it...ok so perhaps in moderation when we are out, but at home...never!! Going from 325 to 180 was heaven!! And then I got pregnant only 14 months out...love my daughter but ever since then I have battled my weight every single day!! went from 180 to 256 down to 220 up to 235 now!! I am in 18's again and God forbid if I have to buy a 20 I will just freak out!!! I guess I am just scared to know this is my fault all over again. Guess I just needed to vent since the hubby is in Iraq LOL! Thanks for listening! 

Sounds like my story, well, kinda.
Just know you arent alone, that's all I can say to ya.  I feel for ya girly!

Stop blaming yourself!  It happens more than you think and doesn't have to be your fault.  You have not had the GI yet and cannot jump to conclusions.  In other words, chill.  Breath, and be patient.  Wait for the test and it will give you a base to work from.  It may very well be an issue with the pouch.  It has become more apparent i recent years that the RnY can start to fail and then you have a some options you need to research.  The 1st thing I would do is get back on track with the original quantity and type of foods you ate after the surgery the best you can.  After the test you will have more info.  It doesn't do you any good to get stressed right now honey.  I just had revision surgery by Dr Schlesinger in AZ.  I traveled from Maine to Az because of his reputation and I was not disappointed at all.  My insurance paid for it without any trouble.  I am 3 1/2 weeks out from the revision and have lost almost 30lbs.  The 1st thing Dr S told me was it is not my fault and I am passing this on to you.  And sure enough he discovered the original pouch was not done quite properly. 
I hope this helps you and, again, take it easy on yourself.
Carolyn

 Hugs to you, I do know how devastating and scary it gets when you see your weight starting to go up after doing something so drastic to get it gone!  I had Proximal RNY in 2001.  What a lot of us fail to remember or realize is that wls is a tool.  Your body learns to adjust, your intestines learn to grow more veniulli (sp?) to compensate for the malabsorption aspect of it, your pouch will stretch and your stoma may enlarge.  These are the things the doctors did not tell me or perhaps back then they did not know as much.  I would recommend having the upper GI and the endoscopy (checks stoma condition) done.  Then go from there.  It will tell you if there is something mechanical going on.  There are a lot of options out there.  Do your research and decide what would fit best for your life style, they all have their pros and cons.

Remember simple carbs are the enemy with all wls and revisions.  I think some of us  go through the honeymoon period and become complacent with thinking that we don't have to worry about diet or exercise any longer because of the surgery.  This is a dangerous frame of mind if you want to live a healthy lifestyle.  

I had ERNY (extended rny) and to date have been very pleased with it.  My CC is 75cm.  Enough so my body can not compensate for the malabsorption this time around.  I traveled to Dr. Schlesinger in AZ for my revision.  He truly cares about his patients and is skilled.  Technology is advancing daily.  It is amazing the techniques that are out there now and it will be very interesting to see what the future develops.  So don't despair.  YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!  You may have made some mistakes like the rest of us but you may also have a mechanical failure.   Go easy on yourself, learn from your past and move forward.  You do deserve a 2nd chance!

Let us know how you make out.