Wanna read drama? LOL, long story

Well, here is a story and a half:
I had a vbg done in May 2002. Started the journey at 387 lbs. Was down to 178 within a year. Congrats for me :)
Had a surgeon who basically did the surgery, and pushed me out the door. NO support, no nutrition counseling, no do this dont do that's, etc. Had a pulmonary embolism in the hospital and wound up in ICU for 3 days. Went home and had blood thinners for 6 months. Great. Felt great after about 6 months of throwing up.  Had a lower pennictomy (lower tummy tuck) in 2005. FElt great getting rid of 9 lbs of flapping stomach that hung to my knees basically. Again, great.
Well, recently in past 6 months started getting stomach pains and of course wanted to know why I have regained 55 lbs of the lost weight. WEnt to see new surgeon in my town. IN fact only one who does this now, my prior surgeon does not do the surgery no more, surprise surprise.

Had upper gi done. Found out my 'inoperable' stomach has huge gaps between the staple line and my entire stomach lining is infected. Sent in for a revision. Got denied. DId all the things they required, in fact Sept 4 was the last of my requirements: upper gi, endoscope, psych testing, nutritional counseling, fitness counseling, blood work, pulmonary testing, 2 support groups. Feel so much better in the past 2 months of doing those required things than I ever did thanks to Dr. Brader's whole practice. OMI goodness, they are so supportive and always there for you.

They sent in all the paperwork last week. Waiting on approval now. Got date of 10/1/08 for a revison to a rny.

here is the drama. I am 5'9, 240 lbs, don't worry about weight loss really, feel good, but was told to expect maybe 60 lbs, or more. told my husband, who loves me and wants me to stay where i am weight wise, well, informed him of the potential weight loss numbers and he said, i will leave you if you lose more than 50 lbs.

I am feeling very sad. it took me 41 years to find the man of my dreams and now he said that to me. i do not understand why he would say that. that is the drama part. i told him to leave now, don't wait. i am doing this for health reasons, not vanity reasons. I am so mad at him right now. 
we ride a lot of motorcycle with alot of men and i guess he thinks someone else will want me? what the heck? he is losing it lol. i love HIM, and that's why i married HIM.

Any suggestions?
I will let you know if/when I get my approval date.
Thanks for listening/reading.

Cheryl

Hi Cheryl,

I am so sorry to hear about all the things you have had to go through!  I applaud you for going through with the revision, because its what YOU need!  I am sorry that your husband is being this way about your future weight loss. You hit it on the head in regards to your husband, it sounds like he is severely insecure and a bit immature.  I would suggest therapy, but it would only help if he would give it an honest go.

I will keep you in my prayers, but I wanted to let you know that you are doing the right thing for YOU and YOUR health!

God Bless

Hi Cheryl and welcome to the revision board.

My suggestion re your husband would be to lie. I realise this is not in the spirit of therapy, sharing and mutual support, but sometimes its the best thing. Don't tell him what you weigh now, don't tell him as your losing, and don't tell him if your're finished losing or not.

My DH still says he can't see where I've lost the weight - part of me is pissed off about that, part of me is relieved because we met when I was 60 pounds heavier and he loved me then for what I was.

I think men sometimes fear change more than we think, they don't want their happiness to be challenged. But when you have lost 50, 60, 100 pounds (whatever you're aiming for) he'll have had time to adjust and notice you're still there loving him like before and stop worrying so much.

Oh and I'd have the DS rather than the RNY if I were you, because you're likely to get closer to your ideal weight, but then I'm biased!

Sal

thanks for the support you guys.

when my hubby met me i was 178 lbs, and now 240, so what is his story lol. he LOVED me then and guess he just don't want me that way no more cause i don't get the attention like i used to, which i never wanted anyhow. i wanted him and he better get in shape or i'm gonna kick his butt lol.  he won't leave, or if he does, life will go on.

Don't let your husbands insecurities keep you from doing what you know is the right thing to do.  To make you healthy.  I have heard of these insecurities that would rather you stay fat and unhealthy than to get healthy and look great in the process.  I'm sure he'll come around when he realizes you are going though with it.

This may not help but if your husband is going to leave your becasue of your weight be it bigger or smaller then he has some serious issues of his own! As a man speaking, I married my wife not just her body. I would be attracted to her at any size.

I think he needs some counseling or somthing.

Please don't let him try to "scare" you into not doing what you want and need to do.

I really want to say he is a moron and terrible person for saying that but I don't know him.

Just my 2 cents.

thanks