Never thought it would come to this...
(deactivated member)
on 9/6/08 11:07 am - raleigh, NC
on 9/6/08 11:07 am - raleigh, NC
Hey I'm Jamie... I'm 25 years old. I had a lap RNY procedure done September 2002 at the age of 19. I went from 350 lbs to about 220lbs in the first year and the the weight loss just stopped.... Over the last few years my weight crept back up to 270 and now I am back down to 250 and it seems as though thats where my body wants to stay...
I honestly feel like such a failure. I feel like so many people supported me with my surgery and I have let them and myself down. Its not that I want to be super thin, just healthy and happy... I want to be able to get through a day of work and still have the energy to have a life instead of sleeping each day away. I want to be able to walk up the stairs to my apartment without feeling like I'm going to die. I want to life a very long and healthy life with my fiance', Adam.
I'm considering a revision surgery. Another shot, I guess. When I had my surgery at 19, the surgeon made my pouch larger than what they normally do for RNY patients because I wasn't finished growing and he was afraid that I would suffer too much from malnutrition. I think that really set me up to fail. That and the fact I was sent off to college six weeks after surgery where one's diet is made up of pizza and beer. I really think I was too young to understand the need to make this a real life change. I thought the surgery was a fool-proof way to get me into those bikini's all my friends were wearing. I thought it would "fix" me. I was wrong.
I understand now, that WLS is a tool, not a cure. But, I'm afraid that my pouch is too stretched out to be a useful tool for me anymore. I blew it. I'm hoping someone is willing to give me a second chance. I have an upcoming appointment with the bariatric surgeon at UNC Hospitals. They are performing an upper GI series to see if there is anything wrong with my "hardware" so to speak. I have never in my life wished that a doctor would find something wrong with me. But that is all i wish for right now, every minute of every day.
Is there anyone else out there in the same boat? Any suggestions, advice, or comments are appreciated...
I honestly feel like such a failure. I feel like so many people supported me with my surgery and I have let them and myself down. Its not that I want to be super thin, just healthy and happy... I want to be able to get through a day of work and still have the energy to have a life instead of sleeping each day away. I want to be able to walk up the stairs to my apartment without feeling like I'm going to die. I want to life a very long and healthy life with my fiance', Adam.
I'm considering a revision surgery. Another shot, I guess. When I had my surgery at 19, the surgeon made my pouch larger than what they normally do for RNY patients because I wasn't finished growing and he was afraid that I would suffer too much from malnutrition. I think that really set me up to fail. That and the fact I was sent off to college six weeks after surgery where one's diet is made up of pizza and beer. I really think I was too young to understand the need to make this a real life change. I thought the surgery was a fool-proof way to get me into those bikini's all my friends were wearing. I thought it would "fix" me. I was wrong.
I understand now, that WLS is a tool, not a cure. But, I'm afraid that my pouch is too stretched out to be a useful tool for me anymore. I blew it. I'm hoping someone is willing to give me a second chance. I have an upcoming appointment with the bariatric surgeon at UNC Hospitals. They are performing an upper GI series to see if there is anything wrong with my "hardware" so to speak. I have never in my life wished that a doctor would find something wrong with me. But that is all i wish for right now, every minute of every day.
Is there anyone else out there in the same boat? Any suggestions, advice, or comments are appreciated...
mew6495
on 9/6/08 11:13 am - MI
on 9/6/08 11:13 am - MI
Hi Jamie,
You are not alone. The fact is that there are a lot of us here in the same boat. We go into WLS thinking it was a cure all and forget to use it for the tool it was meant to be. You are not a failure. We are human and as humans tend to make some mistakes. Like you, I had my RNY in 2001. I think back then they did not realize the extent of the weight gain a patient could experience without proper follow up care and carry through. I am close to getting a date for a revision myself. Also like you, my body seems to have picked a higher weight and does not want to move from there. I have chosen the ERNY because of the elevated risk with messing with the pouch again. The ERNY gives you a shorter common channel, hence more malabsorption. This is what contributes to the long term success, more so then the pouch. If you had RNY in 2002 I am betting you are probably proximal RNY. Which give you the "longest" common channel. Hopefully your tests will indicate what is happening or going wrong. Do your research, there are several different types of revision. Find the one that is best for you and go for it. Stop beating yourself up, you are not a failure. If your family supported you the first time around I am sure they will again. Families are good that way!
Good luck to you on your new journey.
You are not alone. The fact is that there are a lot of us here in the same boat. We go into WLS thinking it was a cure all and forget to use it for the tool it was meant to be. You are not a failure. We are human and as humans tend to make some mistakes. Like you, I had my RNY in 2001. I think back then they did not realize the extent of the weight gain a patient could experience without proper follow up care and carry through. I am close to getting a date for a revision myself. Also like you, my body seems to have picked a higher weight and does not want to move from there. I have chosen the ERNY because of the elevated risk with messing with the pouch again. The ERNY gives you a shorter common channel, hence more malabsorption. This is what contributes to the long term success, more so then the pouch. If you had RNY in 2002 I am betting you are probably proximal RNY. Which give you the "longest" common channel. Hopefully your tests will indicate what is happening or going wrong. Do your research, there are several different types of revision. Find the one that is best for you and go for it. Stop beating yourself up, you are not a failure. If your family supported you the first time around I am sure they will again. Families are good that way!
Good luck to you on your new journey. Jamie,
I know exactly what you are feeling. I had my gastric bypass in 2003 and I am 5 days out of having my revision. After having my UGI in April 2008 they discovered that I had a complete staple line breakdown. I too felt like a failure. But I can look back at the first month of my recovery and remembered that is when I injured my incision and caused a very large hernia. I believe...I may be wrong.....that I diminished the security of my staple line. (FYI-they did not cut away the old stomach from the pouch like they sometimes do). I lost my weight and looked and felt great. I was down to 150 lbs but people said I looked too thin. Who would have ever thought someone would say that to me? I gained 10 lbs., I even thought I looked better. However, in 2006 I began steadily gaining 70 lbs back. Given more time, I would have gained the remaining 50 lbs. back that I originally lost.
As I said, I'm 5 days out of revision and doing great....still sore and walking slower but amazed at how much better I'm doing now than 5 1/2 years ago. I'm scared to death that I'll screw this up too. I'm scared that I just don't have the discipline. BUT, I don't want to be heavy.....for me it isn't a medical issue, it's a mental and emotional issue. Yes, I'm craving something other than yogurt and protein drinks but I feel more educated now and hope that this second chance that my surgeon gave me is one I won't take lightly. Five years ago I don't recall ever hearing the word "tool"....but now that I'm back at support group meetings that's all I hear....which is a good thing.
I wish I had the perfect words to give you. What I can say is that you're not a failure. You have lost 100 lbs which makes you healthier than you were!!!!!!
I used the same words as you to my surgeon..."I just want a second chance".
I hope the best for you. Good luck at your surgeon appointment.
Kimber
I know exactly what you are feeling. I had my gastric bypass in 2003 and I am 5 days out of having my revision. After having my UGI in April 2008 they discovered that I had a complete staple line breakdown. I too felt like a failure. But I can look back at the first month of my recovery and remembered that is when I injured my incision and caused a very large hernia. I believe...I may be wrong.....that I diminished the security of my staple line. (FYI-they did not cut away the old stomach from the pouch like they sometimes do). I lost my weight and looked and felt great. I was down to 150 lbs but people said I looked too thin. Who would have ever thought someone would say that to me? I gained 10 lbs., I even thought I looked better. However, in 2006 I began steadily gaining 70 lbs back. Given more time, I would have gained the remaining 50 lbs. back that I originally lost.
As I said, I'm 5 days out of revision and doing great....still sore and walking slower but amazed at how much better I'm doing now than 5 1/2 years ago. I'm scared to death that I'll screw this up too. I'm scared that I just don't have the discipline. BUT, I don't want to be heavy.....for me it isn't a medical issue, it's a mental and emotional issue. Yes, I'm craving something other than yogurt and protein drinks but I feel more educated now and hope that this second chance that my surgeon gave me is one I won't take lightly. Five years ago I don't recall ever hearing the word "tool"....but now that I'm back at support group meetings that's all I hear....which is a good thing.
I wish I had the perfect words to give you. What I can say is that you're not a failure. You have lost 100 lbs which makes you healthier than you were!!!!!!
I used the same words as you to my surgeon..."I just want a second chance".
I hope the best for you. Good luck at your surgeon appointment.
Kimber
mew6495
on 9/7/08 4:38 am - MI
on 9/7/08 4:38 am - MI
Hi Kimber,
I'm glad to hear you got your second chance and are doing well. Can I ask what kind of revision you had?
I'm glad to hear you got your second chance and are doing well. Can I ask what kind of revision you had?
I understand how you are feeling. I had a lapband done in 2005 and was successful with it initially. Then, as time passed, getting frustrated with fills, not getting fills, etc. I just gave up. I am 7 pounds from my surgery weight. It is REALLY frustrating and I realize that I didn't truly devote myself to the band. Anyways, I too had an EGD done a week ago because I was convinced that something was wrong with my band. Come to find out, it was me. So, knowing that I failed myself, I am working to get into the right mindset for a revision so I will be successful. It sounds like you know what the problems are, and you know what to do to fix them. Take this second chance as a new beginning and whatever you decide, make it work for you.
Best wishes!
Best wishes!
Most Active
Recent Topics
