Is it vanity?

I have been a lurker for a short while now, but am compelled to ask a question.
I am scheduled Oct 3rd to have a revision from vbg to rny in Tyler, Tx. I have told my whole family of my decision. Mixed reviews, but until yesterday no one had verbalized their opinion.
My oldest sister who is 50 this year, told me that I was "stupid" that the operation was stupid and that i was "vain" and it was a vanity issue and I should just do what I should have from the beginning (the original surgery). She also ask me if I knew of anyone who had had rny that it actually worked for. I do, my x-husbands mom, had it over 15 years ago and she is still thin. Sis said she has meet alot of people who have had bypass surgery and it does not work, and that Im just stupid to put my self at risk again.  It kinda came of that she was concerned but we are not a close knit family so I dont think that is it. She only called to ask a medical question as I am a nurse and she didnt understand something about dialysis, which our biological father is going through, and he only speaks or "claims" her of his four daughters by my mother. We all look alike but she is the oldest and was always his fav. I have only met him twice in my 41 years, so he means nothing to me and honestly i could care less about him and I was very sensitive to her feelings about him. Then she exploded on me and I was thinking dang why was I so gentle with her. I tend to be a door mat ...alot.
FINALLY My question is  Am I being vain? sure i wanna look better, I also still have little kids 5 and 8 that I need and want to be around for. Im very uncomfortable in my current condition. Im 5'1" i weigh 215 lbs, I have 2 incisional hernias that will be repaired during the rny. I quit smoking last week, im ready for this surgery, im scared somedays and im on top of the world excited on others. I have always been the fat sister, our mother is my height and she is prolly 300ish. (sorry mom) I think i hurt her feelings yesterday when i called to tell her about sis's uglyness, I said i dont know how mom at almost 70 y/o propels all that weight thru the air cause at 41 it is hard on my body. She said "yep". Now moms a talker so "yep" lets me know i said something wrong.
There are days when I ask myself have I tried everything else to loose this wt, then i look back at the questionaire from the first visit for rny and the answer is a huge yes, I have.  
I was married for 20 years and divorced last year, I married again this year...I know, I know.
I was about 55 lbs lighter when i met him, but i was still overweight. He said he feel in love with me before he ever met me in person, a co-worker gave him my phone number and we spoke over the phone for a while before meeting in person, we lived in different adjoining states. I have recently moved to texas and have struggled with finding full time nursing work, can you believe that? I blame alot of it on peoples perception of fat = lazy and no one wants a lazy nurse. I am not lazy i have had two jobs at a time for the last 3 years, I think it is just me and stinkin thinkin.
Im sorry this is so long, im frustrated, scared, bitter, and i needed to vent i quess. Thanks for letting me.......

No your not vain !
yes your sister was out of line ! you have children to live for and she needs to either support you and your decission or shut the Hell up ! 

Ginau took the words right out of my mouth!  Don't worry about what others think - do what is best for you.  It is your body.

So what if it is? No, seriously . . . I had a revision from lapband (two slips, erosion, blackened teeth, didn't work) to RNY in August. I'm 12 months out, lost 130 pounds, size 2-4 now. It's the best thing, bar none, I ever did for myself. I don't find I'm at all vain now - the skin issues kind of preclude that (bat wings, droopy thighs, sagging butt). So, it brings it's whole new set of issues to be honest. However, looking nice in your clothes, being healthy, having more energy - that's all just so wonderful! What's wrong anyway with wanting to look nice? I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be better as we get older. Of course, the health is most important, but the other is too. Our society is so centered on looks. I felt invisible when I was fat. It's sad that it's like that, but it is. I'm about your height (5'2-1/2) and weighed a bit more than you, but I'm down to 118 now, which is still about 8 pounds more than I should be. However, I can go in the store now and pick something that is pretty, because I like it, rather than because it hides me. That's an absolutely wonderful feeling. When we're short, like us, it's just so darn hard to hide being morbidly obese. I felt like a round ball. I'm so excited for you!

First .. ignore your sister .. .often .. life is too short to take negative $&^% from people - even those we love.  I just had my revision from band to RnY .. and no, it is not vanity to want to look good FOR YOURSELF! .. and it is not selfish - you have children that love and need you

I continue my journey (trying positive words btw - moving away from terms like "battle", "struggle" and "fight") because I have a fear of the "Big D" .. not divorce but diabetes. It runs in our family like dark brown eyes and black hair .. every woman on my Dad's side of the family.  Shedding the weight and keeping it off is very much a wellness and health issue ...

Obesity is a strange disease .. one of the few (the only) were the patient and not the disease are always "to blame" .. if you had diabetes and said I am going to take insulin now, would people look at you strangely .. I don't think so.  If you, heaven forbid, had cancer and you were able to have the growth removed via surgery, would anyone call you vain for that decision?

As you can see, I get very passionate about this

So for your physical and mental health ... I wish you the best in your decision ..

Head up, shoulders back, deep breath .. next step forward!!!!

cheers .. g

 You are not vain!  I find that individuals who can not support you and have only negative or bad things to say about you are only jealous or they get their self worth by  belittling others in order to feel better about themselves.  I believe they think if they can find something wrong with you then it means they are better in some way.  

Don't pay any attention.  Decide what you want for yourself for whatever reason it is.  It is your life to live, your decision to make.  Go for it!  You deserve the chance to be healthy, slim and a chance to like yourself.  There will always be negative people you will have to deal with, it is how you choose to deal with them that will make all the difference to your frame of mind.  Good luck to you.

Your not vain. I think your sister is very jealous of you. You want to be healthy and be able to be around your kids. I would not even discuss the revision to your sister at all. I have a very unsupportive family but they are out state. They don't even know I had a revision the a ERNY. I just told them I had a big hernia repaired and it incarcerated my bowel. I had to have a enterostomy done due to a very dusky bowel. They know I had my hernia and bowel repaired. I did not even lie to them. I figure it is none of their business any ways. Good luck with your RNY.

Tara,

I agree w/ everyone else. Please feel free to read my profile. My mother had her RNY @ 64yrs old to get healthy and a yr later I had my revision. I also hope you read the Texas board and read the WLS express (train). There is the most wonderful supprt group there as well as here. There also are several of us nurses. We have get togethers and coffee meeting and wonderful support.

Good Luck and stay positive, This is not about your sister, It is about YOU! And YOU are the most important person there is. THAT is not VANITY!

Sherry

Hi Tara....

I Had VBG or what they called a Gastric Stapling in 1979....In San Diego, California. I was very successful for close to 10 years, until the staples pulled apart...I then had a RNY Revision in 1989...I was successful with this until 2004...Around 2004 I began to overeat, and I have gained 70 + lbs in 4 years. (desk job and lack of excersize) So I am planning on a Distal Revision in October.

AM I VAIN? YOU DARN RIGHT I AM! BUT DO I WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT DIABETES, HEART PROBLEMS, AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS ASSOCIATED WITH OBESITY...HECK NO!

YOU TARA, ARE NOT ALONE!  You have a bully as a sister, and one who sounds like she enjoys being the smaller of you two. She probably enjoys the fact that you have gained weight back because she is insecure and knows that your weight is one thing she thinks makes her better than you.....NOT TRUE, don't think it for a minute....Do what you must for you, your husband, and children. LIVE for them and YOURSELF.

IF you feel good about this and your family (immediate family, husband/children) feel good about it....THEN GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!! Life is to short and can be shorter if your overweight, to not grab every part of it you can.

J Roflson