Is there anyone out there like me?

Had RNY 07/03/08.  I am 39, 5'9".  As my 7th anniversary approaches I feel worse than I have in years.  I was 453 on the day of surgery.  The lowest I got was 333.  I never even broke 300! Now I am back up to 399, as of my last weigh in which was months ago. I am mortified.  I feel that I was given a gift with my surgery and I have squandered it.  Although my health is greatly improved; I have low bad cholesterol and high good.  I don't have sleep apnea.  Not diabetic.  I am grateful for all that.  But what is wrong with me that I can't lose weight anymore? When I had RNY, it was 3 years after I suffered a massive nervous breakdown, was diagnosed with bipolar II and was put on disability for 7 years.  When I had the surgery, I had no therapy, no nutrition training but I thought I was fine.  What fat person isn't over educated about food and diet?  We've all been obsessed with it for most of our lives.  My doctor suggested to me that the medication I was on for treatment of bipolar/depression would hamper my weight loss but not much. I have to admit, I didn't follow the rules as I should have.  I introduced solid food as I should have but certainly not the healthy choices I should have made.  And I never exercised.  I was too busy clawing my way back to sanity. For 3 years now I have been off that medication and was doing well.  Until the last few months.  I joined Weigh****chers to 'support' my sister.  I knew I had gained some weight back but was shocked to see the level of denial I was obviously living in since I had gained back over 65 lbs.  I never went back.  I never tell anyone that I had RNY since they look at me now and think I should have it.  My last General Practice MD suggested the surgery to me...Imagine the look of shock and disapproval on his face when I said I already had it 7 years ago. Now I am depressed again and it all has to do with body issues.  AGAIN.  I have a great job, a great boyfriend and great friends.  I really have nothing to be sad about in a world where so much is wrong.  But it makes me want to die because I hate myself so much for being fat, for putting myself there and virtually throwing my original surgery away. I am struggling to only eat healthy.  I am struggling to give up alcohol which is a MAJOR source of my caloric intake.  I am embarrassed to go to the gym after the hundreds of dollars I spent to join.   And while I have several exercise DVD's to use at home, I don't because I feel so awful and am unable to do half the exercises since I cannot support my weight on my arms and knees as required by so many exercises. I tell myself I am better now.  I have emotionally and mentally survived traumas that many cannot.  I have beat the odds and am off disability and a (mostly) functioning member of society again.  But I want to be in control of my body and I obviously am not.  It's not just willpower, I have proved I have that. I want revision surgery because I feel I would benefit from the medical / physical help and would obsessively follow the rules so that I could achieve the one goal that has eluded my whole life.  A proportionate, healthy body. Can anyone relate?  Has anyone had a similar failure / weight gain?  I noticed Carnie Wilson is struggling again too; she was my original inspiration.  Or am I deluding myself and need to just accept being fat?  Would insurance even pay for revision? Sorry to go on and on but this is the one thing I can talk about with no one else.  I need to know if I am alone out here in crazy fat person land.....

I want you to know that I'm right there with you except I had surgery in April 07. I only lost 90 lbs and still need to lose 110 my weight loss stopped after 6 months even though I was exercising and watching what I eat. I am in the process of trying to get a revision now due to inadequate weight loss meaning that I didn't lose 50% of my excess weight. Since I'm not two years out yet it seems it may take a while to get an approval. I just wanted to tell you to definitely go for it. You too had inadequate weight loss and are much further out than I. I don't remember where you are from, but I would go back to the primary care doctor who mentioned surgery to you and tell them that you would like to have surgery again and that the surgery you had wasn't the right surgery for you. There are many different types of surgeries for different weights and eating styles I feel. This time make sure you do your homework and are getting the surgery that is right for YOU not what is right for everyone else. The extended rny is what I'm looking into now. at first I thought ds was right for me, but then after talking to doctor Schlesinger he said that I can get the same results from the extended rny. I hope this helps you.

You are not alone! I had lost weight, at this point I don't even remember what my lowest was... however after my surgery I left the man that I was with, it wasn't working out at all... I had a lot of stress, and most recently more stress than I have ever been in, in my entire life. With that stress came the drinking of wine... and not eatting healthy... I quit smoking over a year ago, and gained about 30lbs, however now that's doubled. I feel like I've gained back all my weight I lost, which I know is not true... but I don't even want to look into the mirror.  I'm looking into revision as well. I haven't done my research on which one I'm going to get, but I'm definately looking into it. I had a bad experience in my first surgery, even with that... I'm willing to do it again. I'm sick of being fat... and feeling ugly... I was so happy for awhile, and then now I feel even worse than I did before surgery.....

You are NOT alone.  I had RNY 7-22-02 started at 349 got down to 213 and now I am 292 almost 80 pounds gained.  I feel like a complete failure.  I look at my wedding pictures from when I was at my lowest and don't even recognize myself in them.  I feel like I let down my husband who met me after the surgery.  I also do not tell anyone I had surgery.  I feel like they look at me and think what the he** happened to her.  I moved from Nebraska to New York after my surgery so whenever I go home to visit all I can think about is how fat I have gotten.  I have not gained all my weight back, but if I can't do anything about it I feel like I am going to.  So as you see you are not alone. 

I'm going to shout this from the mountaintop....  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!  I TOTALLY relate!!!! I was 540 the day of my RNY 6/4/03 and NEVER saw beneath 340! Slowly but surely over the last 3 years weight has crept back. I too hesitated to tell people that I had the surgery because I always have had to follow it with an explanation of my original really high weight and I felt like everyone would look at me as a failure! I've gone to surgeon offices to consult for a revision and had patients in the waiting room tell me how great the surgery will be for me, not even realizing that I already HAD the RNY! I've been embarrassed, angry, depressed, defeated to name just a few.   I consulted in 2006 with a surgeon who was only taking in new people for the endoscopic revision trials and pretty much told I was too heavy to fit the standards of that study and that weight regain following RNY is not abnormal. My own (first surgeon) gave me a card and told me to go see a shrink. I had done ALOT of reading and research and I felt that the Duodenal Switch was the ONLY surgery I was interested in because A. It has a proven track record of success with the LEAST amount of regain and B. I didn't want to go under the knife again for some experimental procedure that we don't know the long term results of. In August 2006 my sis had RNY with a different surgeon, and after chatting with him I discovered that his partner, Dr. David Greenbaum, was performing Revision surgeries and exactly in a way of how I had decided I wanted to do a surgery if I was going to go through a drastic procedure again. I met him in January of this year, and just had my RNY to DS revision on June 9th! As of this typing I just got home from the Dr. follow-up appointment and I'm happy to share with you that I have lost 48 pounds! YOU CAN BE ON THE LOSING SIDE AGAIN! Do not give up hope! I too have had the same inspirations as you as we had our surgeries in similar time frames! (I have all of Carnie's books... including her Playboy shoot! lol)  I have made the same promises to myself that you have! I WILL eat healthier, I WILL get my protein in, I WILL drink my fluids, I WILL take my supplements! Never in your life do you have to accept being fat! At times we can be our own worst enemies in the head game, that's the FIRST battle you need to overcome. Never forget you WERE 453, and you aren't 453 anymore! You've maintained a 54 pound weight loss for at least 7 years, you just need to get back on the losing side again! Insurance coverage of Revision surgeries is possible but it is on a policy by policy basis. You'll have to check with your insurance company. Consider exercise that  is not weight bearing like some sort of swimming, water aerobics etc... I plan on it to get the ball rolling and I ALSO have to get over myself and not be embarrassed to get moving be it at the Y or a Gym or the Apartment complexes pool, it's what I need to do to make the most of my life!  I really hope you find the path that is right for you, and if you have any questions, want to vent, please feel free to contact me, I'd be more than happy to support you!  Marie

Dear PDFsgirl, Please know that you had the RNY, you lost the weight and now you have regained some.  Unfortunately, this is nothing YOU did wrong.  This is what happens after an RNY. I had an RNY in 2000 and lost 130 lbs.  Everything was great for about two years and then the weight slowly crept back on.  There are a few reasons why this happens" 1.RNYers come to rely on their pouch to make them stop eating, rather than learning to limit their own portions.  What they don't tell us is that each time we eat, our pouches stretch a bit, making us able to take the extra bit more the next time.  Multiply that by a few years and you can see why we can eat SO much more a few years out of the surgery.  AS we did not learn to adjust our eating habits without the pouch, we are in the same boat we started in.

 

2.What many people are not aware of is that the stomach naturally stretches by itself - even if we only ate perfectly every time.

3.  Many RNYers have had their larger part of their stomach REATTACH itself to the smaller part.

 

RNY, I've learned, is a great, but temporary tool.  If there was a way to keep the pouch taught, we would be fine.  One way around this is revision surgery.  The stomaphyx is new here in the USA but has been around and has been unsuccessful in the long term in Europe.  The second is to get a lap band OVER your RNY.  That way you can keep adjusting it as your pouch stretches.  This is what I have done.

 

I suggest that you spend time googling and doing research and then GO FOR IT and get your life back to where you want it to be.  You've done nothing wrong!

 

Good luck,

Zena

You might like to consider the DS (duodenal switch)  see the forum on ObesityHelp.  Read it for a few days or weeks.  See what YOU think?

I RELATE!!  I had my open RNY on 5/31/02...6 years ago started at 352lbs and got down to my lowest at 135lbs...lost well over 212lbs...however I didn't bargain for becoming addicted to alcohol...I am a now a full blown alcoholic...as a result of drinking so much sugar I have put back on 65lbs back on.  I know that doesn't seem a lot to some but to me I worked my butt off  in the gym, in life and followed my pouch rules until drinking took over and I  then  became a full blown alcoholic and got to the point where I couldn't work out anymore, I was so hungover, so tired, so sick from drinking...I have been fighting for 4 of the last 6 years to stay sober...today I have 62 days sober.  THANK GOD and take A.A. very seriously this time around....I don't have insurance right now and wonder how I can get a revision or if I can or an alternative to kick start again...I recently saw a picture of myself from 2 years ago and cried. I used to be a size 32 got down to a 4 - 6, now I am a size 16...I have had people tell me that 65lbs in 6 years ain't bad but I don't want to be 203lbs...I want to fix this before it's too late...also my fiance' had the surgery and gained a whole bunch of his weight back..he too became alcoholic and team that with a horrible eating pattern which tends to rub off on me....I am scared....any advice anyone....I feel everyone's pain and don't want to get back where I was.......

First of all Yay for you going back to work. I am struggling with the same problem trying to be a functioning member of society again. If you can get on top of that I'm sure you can figure out a way to lose wt. Good luck!  BTW what do you do now?

I could cry with relief for the reponses you all posted to my message.  I feel so much LESS crazy and alone. I have out-of-state company right now and can't reply to you all right now but I plan to. THANK YOU for sharing yourselves....