Being honest with myself

I am having an upper GI tomorrow and am freaking out.  I had my rny in 2000, physician moved and am gaining weight.  I started over with a new MD in my area and don't feel like I was totally honest with my assessment of what I was eating.  I am feeling like such a failure, this is really affecting my anxiety level and self esteem.  This is totally internal, all my family and friends are supportive.  I am, and have always been the one, who has a problem with my weight.  I got down to 170 and am up to 207.  My highest weight was 270.  I am realizing my addiction tendency apply to all areas of my life.  I workout like a fiend.  I do spin bootcamp 2 times a week, work with a personal trainer 2 times per week, walk 3 miles 2 times a week and or run 3-4 miles 1-2 times a week.  I cannot do anything else with my exercise.  I work full-time and have to get up at 445 am to get my workout in.  By friday night I am feeling sick with exhaustion - I am 47 years old.    I am feeling very depressed and frustrated with everything.  This always seems to be the focus of my life.  I feel like if I could get 25 pounds off I would be at a very good weight for me.  Thanks for letting me vent-- this is the only place I know other people feel the same as me.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/revision/board_id,5360/cat _id,4960/topic_id,3582993/a,messageboard/action,replies/#282 29403 Check out the link above from YOUR surgeon... you are not a failure!! I also have an upper GI with a small bowel follow through tomorrow... I am hoping that things will work out for me.  I have a surgeon that will see me and FOUND one here in GA... I think I need an ERny.. My distal is 150cm and I feel I need it reduced. Good luck... keep your head up... Emily

Emily, I have never understood the 'cm' numbers.  I had a upper GI and was told my stoma was the size of a quarter and should be the size of a dime.  How does this compare to yours?  I struggle with my weight.   Patricia 3/11/2005   RNY 262/125/139 hi/lo/today 5/1"

Per your siggy - you currently weigh 139?  Do you qualify for a revision?  I see your height is 5'1" - so quite possibly... I hope so for you.. I had the upper GI with small bowel follow through yesterday... did you have the small bowel follow through as well?? Basically, she told me that the barium ran straight through my stomach (didn't give me a size of my stoma) and I have a hiatal hernia (joy).  In addition, with the small bowel follow through she said that the barium slowly went through my bowel causing it to stay in there too long (gaining weight because absorbing too much).  She also noted that I have a loop in my small bowel that will need to be fixed or could become a bowel obstruction. I have to run - but look forward to walking through this 'revision process' with you!!

Pam   venting is a good thing!!  I was told early on that a 10- 15% weight regain is normal.   Imagine my surprise when my honeymoon was over after a mere 13 months , then  regain started.   I know  we  will always have a weight issue  and have to watch what we eat, when we eat, exercise -  I  just dont think we want  to deal with  our Head Issue's  as easily as we deal  with other things.

P.S. your not a failure !!!

Pam, You are not a failure.  Dr. Schlesinger says you have yet to suceed and that he will help you to reach your goal.  You will get there, Dr. Schlesinger would never tell you that you have failed.  He is such a kind hearted man.  Don't be afraid to talk to him about it Deanne

you are not a failure....i am the same but i do not exercise ...got the same diagnostic, hernia, 38 pounds more the blind loop, throwing up and my surgeon just wants to go inside to look if it s something mechanically wrong.. did my blood work but this wont be a revision just to look i am so confused

I had my upper GI with Dr. Rosen.  He said my pouch is only a little bigger and the stoma is also only a little bigger. He did find a hiatal hernia that may be allowing me to eat a little more.  I met with him after my test.   Initially I thought, horray, he found a problem that can fix me.  The next day I was talking with my sister and sounded like a total nut ball.  You don't just have surgery on a whim because your ass looks big.  My thought process around weight is a little crazy, the good things is,  I at least see it in hindsight.   I am feeling much more comfortable sharing my issues with him.  I am really working on keeping an honest food log for one week.  This should help the dietitian help me.  I am having reflux and starting taking pepcid ac.  My labs are in order, my exercise is in order but my weight is up.  I feel healthy but I know this weight is too high for me.  175 pounds is a really good weight for me and I'm not sure I will ever see that again - hope to.  I went back to read my old logs from when I first had surgery and when i went below 200 I swore I would never go back, and here I am at 207.  It is really hard to not get down on yourself.    So many of us are struggling with the same issue.  I know the physician is just going in to look, but sounds like you were hoping for a revision.  I am feeling like I'm not really deserving of a revision and need to continue to figure this out.