Hoping for a chance to FINISH me

My outsides do not match my insides. They have not matched since I realized how big I had gotten. When I look in the mirror, I see fat girl.  But in my mind, in my heart, I feel healthy and kinda ok looking.  So one of them is lying to me!!! I had a LAP RNY in 2004 weighing in at 343 lbs. I lost down to 222 lbs. At  four years out I have managed to keep a little over 100 lbs. off. However, I am gaining and in process of seeking a revision with Dr. Eric Schlesinger in Phx. Az.  I feel un-finished. I NEED to finish. I feel in-complete. I have tried to get under that darn 200 mark to no avail.  I have not been perfect...I am human, but I have worked hard at trying to get the rest of this weight off so my OUTSIDE might match my INSIDE a bit more.   I have learned a lot from reading and following others in their revisions, here and in other support venues.  I learned the MOST from reading Dr. Schlesinger's REVISION ABC's. I want to try and make sure I understand what is going on in my GUTS!!    I met with Dr. S. for a consultation.  I've only met him the one time but his kind, sincere eyes and forthright personality about the risks and procedure itself made it extremely easy for me to decide that he was the right (ONLY!) doctor for me!   I *believed* that he knows what he is doing and that he understands that we are not COOKIE CUTTER versions of one kiind of person for one kind of surgery. I'm waiting for all the insurance *red tape* and working on an iron issue so that (fingers crossed) I can be scheduled for my revision into "finishing Gwynn" . I also had a consultation with Dr. Heffel about a panniculetomy.  I was so, so embarrassed about my hanging skin....that I pretty much lost it in there and cried.........it's a very sensitive subject. He was the MOST kind person...made me feel like I didn't have to be ashamed.  He told me that this would change my life. I don't think he really understands how much that meant to me.  It was as if he was excited to HELP me get rid of something that horrifies me daily.  I can't even imagine what my life would be like without 'this' part of me that doesn't match my insides. The office staff in their offices....Jenn & Mikki & Joyce...they are incredible people.  They have made me feel like a "person" instead of a "number".  Joyce has been in my life since I met her BEFORE I actually had my first WLS.  I met her at a class at St. Lukes.  She knows what she means to me! Jenn is just the most charming little thing!   They truly love helping people and it shows. Jenn & Mikki show some real determination in getting things approved...how cool is that! The process is long......going through all the hoops and such...but I KNOW in my heart that it will be worth every bit of it.  I only hope they dont' forget me before I can get in there and get FINISHED!! I know this is long...sorry!!  But I'm just long over-due getting this off my chest!! Thanks to all the others before me to keep me in the learning curve!!  I want some new CURVE!! Gwynn in Tucson  

Hi! I also had an RNY in 2000 and lost 130 lbs.  I kept it all off for two years and then have slowly gained back 40 lbs. and counting. LIke you, I am so distressed about it. I am going to get a lap band on top of my RNY but am curious as to what revision you are going to get. Please don't feel bad about regaining weight after an RNY.  Statistics now show that there is an 18-month window for losing weight and then it slowly starts to creep back on because our pouches and stomas stretch. Good luck in whatever you do and I'm looking forward to hearing what procedure you will have done. All the best, Zena

Hi Zena, Thank you for your kind encouragement, it's greatly appreciated!  If all goes as planned....which is still very much only "in plan" at this point....then we (Dr. Schlesinger & I) had discussed the possibility of an ERNY.  He would make my common channel 75cm. He did mention that he would know more once he was INSIDE me and could get a better look!  I believe he is right, that for me, getting an extended RNY.....more of a malabsorption surgery would work best. I want to lose 80-100 more lbs.  That is the DREAM! I hope all works out good for you and hope to hear how it goes! Gwynn

Gwynn, I am going through all the same feelings as you are.  If you can go with the plan that is laid out before you, you will be in great shape with Dr. S and Dr. Heffel.  You will get to where you want to be.  You can call me anytime.  Hope all went well today.  Let me know. Deanne PS.  According to Dr. Schlesinger, you are not a failure, you have just yet to succeed!!!!!

Hi Deanne, thank you so much for being such an understanding person!  I very much want the opportunity to do just that.....be in GREAT SHAPE with Dr. S & Dr. Heffel....my DREAM TEAM! LOL I saw Dr. Kruger today for my Physc Eval. WOW. I really, really liked him!  You were right, no need for me to be nervous at all. It went very good. I was in there just chatting away for a solid two hours and didnt' even notice it!!   He seems VERY interested in learning more about how us folks that have had WLS.  I find that super motivating!  It's also great that he is right here in Tucson.  Didn't have to spend 100 million dollars for gas!!  LOL.....  not that I will mind one bit going to Phx., if I get approved for my revision with the dream team.  ;o)  I will keep you informed and you keep me informed!! It's excellent to feel like I am NOT a failure. Gwynn

Gwynn, Glad to hear that you liked Dr. Kruger.  He was easy to talk too, like I told you.  Did he mention the support gorup this Saturday to you?  I am thinking of going.  He mentioned that he is going to do one, I am not sure if it is this one or not.  On body Dysmorphic...  I think that is an interesting subject.   I think we all go through this, especially when we look at all the hanging skin. Deanne

Yes, he did mention the meeting to me. He gave me a schedule. He is also doing the one on July 1st on a Tuesday evening.  I told him I would try to make that one because I already have plans for this Sat.  And yes, I totally agree about the body dysmorphic issue.  He seemed to really understand me when I explained how I feel like my INSIDES do not match my OUTSIDES.  If you get to go on Sat. please let me know what you thought! Gwynn

Gwynn, For me Tuesdays I have commitments.  I am going to try to go on Saturday. Deanne