How do you deal with the feelings of being a loser?

I feel like such a loser/failure.  I had RNY in 2002, lost 130 pounds and have gained back almost 80 pounds.  Almost all of them in the past 2 years.  I had an upper GI done yesterday and they said that the barium went right through my pouch and stoma.  They couldn't even get good pictures because it went through so fast.  I am not waiting to be referred to a surgeon for any advice from them.  I already feel like a failure and already have had people question what I was doing to make this happen.   When I had my surgery I was the "model" patient according to my surgeon.  I then moved from Nebraska to New York 10 months after my surgery and none of the surgeons my area in New york would see me because they did not do my surgery.  After I started gaining weight back I just stopped trying to see anyone because I just knew I had failed at this.   I started having severe pain in my stomach area a couple weeks ago and was sent for the upper GI by my PCP.  It was the radiologist that told me what was going on, but they are not the expert on gastric bypass.   It appears that I am not the only one feeling this way, but wondered how you get through this.  I feel like I have admitted my failure and I am now ready to do something about this before I gain back more weight. 

I had the same problems you are having .  you wil need to find a doctor that does revision and you will need your old pre-op report.  You already have the upper g.i. report.  and also you will need to ask you pcp for egd.  you will need this.  you might have to travel out of state for this revision.  I live in ga. and I had to travel to fla. for my revision.   Glenda

Hi, Thank you for posting.I was about to ask the same questions because I have felt recently tht I have failed.My self esteem is bottoming out and I had a break down last night because so many of my old feelings are coming back to haunt me. I know I just had a baby but am breast feeding am I not supoose to lose weight with breast feeding?? He is almost 9 months. I know some of my bad habits remain but I feel like  freak..I have paranoia thinking ppl may be talking about me gaining the weight back...I work with another lady tht had RNY just after me plus she had a revision and has gained weight back....It is not her fault but I suppose ppl make her feel that way..I feel crappy! Hopefully we can support each other through this. I have not actively started looking into revision but I think I will..am having mine done by my primary surgeon in Florida.

I can truly say that I feel your pain. I had Rny in 2002 also. I lost 100+ Ibs. I had a baby in 2005 and since then ive gained about 60 lbs back. I  was the same way, I knew what friends, co-workers, and relatives were thinking and saying. You could tell by just the way they look at you. Like d*** she had gained all her weight back. I had one co-worker to tell me when I met you, you were big as a house and then you lost all that weight by having that surgery and now your big as a house again, and ask was the surgery worth it. Of course me and my mouth cursed her out, but it still hit me hard. My best friend family as well as others always look at me funny and I know they love me but I know what they are saying and thinking behind my back. Many complain on this forum of the same problems. Food going straight thru and you feeling hungry all the time. Your not in it alone. I was the same way and was ashame to go and see my doctor because I had gained alot of weight but I eventually was sent to him because of some problems and it turned out that I needed surgery. So on this tuesday, June 17th I am going to have some repairs done along with a revision. I do advise that you find a surgeon that will see you, travel if you have to. Good luck!

Hi... Thanks for posting. Can you tell me what kind of Revision your going to have? Also, if you don't mind what kind of repairs. It seems I need several repairs as well as a revision myself. I'm just trying to see what others are going with. Thanks so much...   Good luck to you... JRolfson

I hope you find some answers and some hope. I don't see it as your failure though. Its like saying 'I had a headache and I took an aspirin but it didn't work and it was my fault'. Surgery isn't perfect, whatever you have. I can't imagine you chose to have things stretch, and I don't believe you can exercise any conscious control over it either.  I just decided to accept that the WLS I'd had wasn't infallible, and since there were no other answers I should try something else. I know from being on here that you have various options, so don't give up! Sending you a hug xxx

Hey girl, don't get discouraged! There is help out there, I actually only lost 43lbs after my RNY in O4, and have gained back at least half of that! I am now going to be getting a lapband placed over my bypass!  you have many options, and you will hear pro's and cons on every one of them, but I feel this is what is going to be best for me. you also might want to check the DS board, it would all depend on if you are ready to have a malabsorption procedure done. I need restriction, and also don't want to go to the extreme of malabsorption, I am not sure where you are in New York, but I have checked into a lot of different places, and I can tell you that DR.Fielding has been highly recommended and I know he has written books and does revisions!   Good Luck  and don't give up!  you pretty much have to start all over with insurance, but it is worth it!      Nancy

WOW i totally hear ya i still feel like a falure i m 12 days out from my revision i had RNY in 01 and lost a ton and gained it all back had a hole through to the other side and lots of pain test lalalal and found my surgeon he did it laprascopic and just took out the other half of my stomach , but i have those feelings of falure im still not sure how to deal with it , on lady said i didnt fail my suregery faild me and that seem to put things in a little better perspective i guess, you will be fine just get a revision and start a fresh . good luck

Yep, it's a tough row to hoe. Had VBG in the 90's lost only 35 pounds. Talk about feeling like a failure. Didn't even consider a revision a possibility for about 10 years. Just didn't want to deal.  Lucky for me, a friend chirped in my ear and got me to thinking. And the OH site helped, and the doc I sought helped and wahllllll la!!!! I'm at 160ish and chose on the right surgery this time. I think there are a few us of out there that picked the wrong surgery for us, either through blind faith in a doctor, uneducation of ourselves or our body's ability to adjust (I'm in all three catagories). After years of feeling like a **** I decided life was too short.  To get off my ass and take charge. If I screwed up so be it. But I'm not wasting anymore time kicking my own ass. I'm moving on. Researched surgeries, agrued with doctors, screamed at insurance companies and did right by myself. All that patting myself on the back to say to you, "you might have failed, maybe, maybe not, but what are you going to do about it?" (theme from Rocky begins to play.... ;-)

Thanks so much for the responses.  I am starting to accept whatever responsiblity I have in this whole thing and will just have to confront these feelings in order to move forward with this.  I am still pursuing a revision.  I still have fear of what a surgeon will say to me, but I guess it is no different thatn when I had it done the first time.  I certainly wasn't in control of anything then either.   I hope that we can all help each other through this and thank you to those of you who have already had a revision and are helping the rest of us out.