Thinking of a Revision and Mother is not Happy

Thanks so much Stef, I am glad I made this post because I have been given overwhelming reassurance that I am making the right decision. Thanks again

I can empathize what you are going through.  I did not even tell my mom about my first surgery and will not tell her about the revision.  My husband is taking me to my surgery date.  I chose not to tell my mom because I knew that she would be against it and she would not understand why I am taking this route.  I'm blessed to have a husband who is supporting me and my decision.

Yes you are blessed to have such a loving husband. I am glad that I at least talk to my father and he said he will support me regardless. I know he is not going to come up here but he wouldn't not hesitate to fly my mom or someone else up here so I am not alone.

I HEAR YOU. VICKI

I feel for you.  I did the exact opposite and no one knew except my sister who lived with me at the time.  My mother had no idea until I was in surgery; by that time she was so scared for me, she forgot about being mad.  This time she is in the loop and understands that sometimes risks must be taken. It is the fear talking through ur mom; I know that doesn't make u feel any better now, but knowing it may help down the road.  Good luck

Thanks it makes a lot of sense. I hope she pulls through because I am moving forward anyway. Maybe once she gets that in her head then she can decide whether she is going to be supportive or not.

I was very open about my decision to have a revision. It wasn't a choice in my situation, the first surgery mechanically failed me. My family has always been very supportive, even when I decided to have RNY at the age of 19. I know some of them really had doubts, but never voiced them. My aunt is a nurse, and no one told her about it for a reason. On my wedding day last September, she told me outright that she would have called my surgeon and told him not to operate if she knew. Here I am in  a size 16 wedding dress when I used to wear a tight 26/28 and thinking to myself are you kidding me? I looked beautiful and had to listen to that crap! Being the better person I just didn't reply. Of course now I am a size 8/10 since the revision. Anyways my point kinda was that at least you don't have to doubt that your mother loves you. She dosen't have to agree but I would maybe write a letter if she won't listen and explain why you need this, and the benefits long term versus the fact that if you don't it will shorten you r lifespan. You'll figure it out, don't woory!

Thanks for your thoughtful response. Congrats on your achievements

Hi,  I am in the same predicament regarding a revision and I cannot tell my father (who happens to be a personal trainer). You have to just trust your judgement and do what will improve your quality of life. I had the band performed two years ago and have not lost a pound so my doctor is also reccommending a change to the sleeve...I am sch. for July 10. Although many of my family members will look at this decision as being drastic it is something I have to do for me...and you do  what' s in the best interest for you.   Good Luck and keep me posted on your progress.

Hi,

One of the reasons your mother is so involved in your life is because YOU involve her, you share information with her. Didn't you know how she would react before you told her you wanted a revision? How did she react when you first told her you were having WLS? You're right in thinking your mother loves you and wants the best for you. Yes, people do die after surgeries, but they also die because of medical problems assosciated with obesity. Your mom believes she knows what's best for you; but only YOU know what's best for you. Some mothers don't know when to stop, so they try and recruit others to get their point across -( I've been on both sides of the fence, being both a daughter and a mother). Besides, if you could lose weight with pre-packaged meals, then you would never have needed WLS to begin with.

When I had my RNY in 2005, I chose NOT to share the information with my parents. I didn't want the (same) lecture. I did share with my sister, my husband and children. Unfortunately one of my sons spoke about it in front of my parents about two weeks before the surgery, so they found out. Well, surprise, they've never spoken about the surgery with me, before of after; it's as if it never happened.  Do your research, make a list of plus and minus facts, and talk to close and supportive friends. If you decide to have the surgery, talk to your mom and be firm (not angry). Tell her you know she's concerned, but you've done your research and this something you are determined to do. Tell her you hope she will be supportive and respect your decision, because you want to be surrounded, especially during this time, with people who love support and respect your decisions. Good luck Nan-C