Thinking of a Revision and Mother is not Happy

Before anyone starts bashing my mother let me first say that she has always been supportive of all my endeavours but she is not happy at all that I am contemplating gastric bypass or the sleeve which ever the doctor decides once they are inside to remove the band. I think she is just afraid and does not know how to express those feelings so therefore she has chosen to tell me how I am going to regret doing such, go ahead and have the surgery if you want to die an early death, I am going to lose all my hair, etc. etc. It really hurts because I love my mother dearly and have never seen her act as such. The problem is I am in here in MD without any family and wanted her to be my side. She has not said she wouldn't but I don't need to be around the negativity. I am scared to death as well and have my on insecurities in terms of such drastic measures but I am at peace with God and at peace with my decision so I plan to move forward. I still have in my head the "What if she is right"?. I know I have no control of when and why I will leave this earth. I am just wondering if anyone has experience these reactions from love ones and these feelings. My dad talked to me today and said he knows I have been through a lot through the years and he knows I have tried almost everything to get to a healthier weight. He acknowledged my accomplishments thus far and also realizes how much more I need to lose to be healthier. He said he hopes my mom has it all wrong and that he trust that I have done my research and that I have a well qualified surgeon. My mother feels like I should invest in a program that delivers meals to your home not Nutrisystem because I have done that but like diets to go, I told her that was very expensive each month and she said "if you can afford the new car you are getting ready to purchase then you can afford the meals too". WTF Then she called me this morning saying that her best friend wants to talk to me to try and talk me out of this surgery. My question is if my own mother has not been successful why do she feel her friend would be any different. Furthermore, why is my mother discussing my personal matters anyway. I am about ready to go slap off but its my mother. So another question is how do you handle a situation like this besides pray about it ?

Hi, my mother is the exact same way.  She was so angry with me about the lap-band, but she was there when I went into surgery and there when I woke up.  She is just worried about the outcome.  I will soon be in the same position as you when I tell my mom that I am going to try and revise from this dumb band to RNY.  Good luck & I am sure she will come around. 

Thanks for listening. I wish you the best luck with your Mom and I am praying that mine will come around. She called me today to give me the price of Nutrisystem a week and she was shocked that I told her that I have used those meals since having surgery. So I have already tried Nutrisystem! I can't to see what she is going to try tomorrow

I know exactly what you mean!!! My mother was so bad she didn't talk to me for a week after surgery... and then when she did choose to chat her comments were something to the effect of... are you happy now that you gained all that weight so that I would be eligible - never mind that I have been overwieght since a child - and the picture she took was the clincher for me... never realized I was quite that BIG!!!  Add that to my co-morb's and thank GOD this surgery is available for those who are able to receive it!!  Anyway my point really is... you always LOVE them... just sometimes you don't gotta LIKE them very much!

Hi Katy, I am glad you understand. I am at that point that I am really not liking her attitude right now but you are right you just gotta love them. I am so thankful to have a Mom still here on earth for I know many preople unfortunately can't say that.

You have to stand firm if this is what you decided to do. I am sure you have prayed about it and weighed all of the options. I initially chose lap band because of the whole "less invasive" thing. My husband and I had surgery on the same day. Everything went well until my port was ruptured by a fill doctor. My husband lost 70 pounds and I lost nothing. I even had a second surgery to have the band replaced. I did not loose one pound. I have been approved for RNY and my surgery is scheduled for June 20th.  My husband initially told me that if I havd used the tool like I was supposed to, I would have lost weight; WTF??? I believe he forgot how hard it was to loose weight after he got to a desireable size. I told him that I was doing this for me and he could either be with me or not. Since that time he has given me his support. I said all of this to say that you have to do what is best for you. You may not always have the support of others, but they don't have to live in your body. You mother is just scared. You are her baby and she has probably heard lots of horror stories about RNY from others. Give her the facts, take her with you to your appointment with the surgeon and have him explan the process and the risks. Good luck to you!

First of all, let me say congrats on this new journey in your life in regards to your upcoming surgery. I thank you so much for your much needed advice and I am going to try those methods. My mother lives in MS but she will be here two weeks next month and I am going to see if there is a support meeting that she can come to at the hospital at that time. I think that may help her get a more realistic perception of the surgery not just what she has heard, assumed, or saw on tv.

First and foremost we would never bash on your mom. I truly believe that everyone has something like that in there family whether its mom, dad, cousin, sister, or just a friend. In my case, my mom approved of it from jump. She knew that all her girls had been struggling with weight. She wants to have it but she feels that she is to old. On the bad note , I had a best friend to do her WLS before mine and she refused to tell anyone about it because her family is so judgemental. But in the log run, your mom is just scared for you. Just sit down and talk to her and let her know how you feel. Im having my revision on the 17th and I am terrified because I had difficulties from the 1st surgery but my MOM keeps telling me YOU ARE PRAYED UP AND COVERED SO DONT WORRY ! Keep your head up and let us know how it goes.

Thank you so much and I will keep you posted.

Your moma loves you and is just scared for you !  She needed an objective opinion thats why she talked with her friend . - we all have our  confidents outside the family Surgery is always  potentialy dangerous and if she  does not  really understand the issue's at hand  that  causes more  alarm for her. -   I did not tell my family I was having my revision - I did tell em I was having hernia surgery - Bad I know !!  I told them afterwards that I got my gut tweaked . Best advice - know your options, trust your Dr - he is not going to operate if he does not have every confidence in procedure and your current health, protein load to ensure quick recovery, be compliant and do everything your Dr advises.  Pray for yourself and your family - it never hurts!!