An old feeling resurfaced

I am 99% sure that I will get the stomaphyx procedure... Something happened to me last night to reiterate my decision to have my pouch fixed.  I was invited to an adult pool party.. and my very first reaction wasn't.. 'oh what fun'..or 'this is going to be great'..or 'good, i'll get to hang out with my friends'.. ... my reaction was..'oh gawd, i can't go this fat, i can't let these people see me like this..my legs are awful... can i lose 25 lbs by aug 25th??? Man, that old feeling is back, and I don't want it back.  I had a normal feeling for about a year.. I don't want to decide what to do with my life on whether or not I am fat. thx for letting me voice this...  you guys are the only people in my life who can understand. T

Hi, Tina.  I do understand VERY well!   I know others who could go to a pool party while overweight & not have a problem.  I'm not strong like them.  I'm having such a hard time facing people as I've blown up like a balloon.  Every 5 lbs shows, and my 65 lb gain in 3 yrs is terribly upsetting to me.  I feel there is a certain judgement from others regarding my weight.  Both of my immediate bosses at work are just short of anorexic looking (bmi 18-19)... they *really* watch every  calorie & exercise hard almost daily.   Some of my thin family members have never understood weight issues.  I feel that many people everywhere who's measure of people include weight.  I am hopeful about the StomaphyX because I don't eat a lot of sweets.  At the same time, I worry that the StomaphyX won't be enough, because even when I diet, I have a hard time losing.   I'm grateful that StomaphyX  may be a chance to help me.  I'm a little upset I'm so desparate about my gaining, that I must scrounge around for the money for this.  I hope you will keep writing & sharing your journey. Amy

You sure are describing my eating and weight gain.

Oh, Tina, I know how you feel; you articulate it so well.  I''ve decided to have a stomaphyx for the same reasons.  Best of luck to you!