Passing of a Bariatric Sibling - and my cousin.

 

This past weekend I found out my cousin passed away. She was one of the first people I knew who had Bariatric surgery – over 10 years ago. My cousin did not pass because of a direct complication from her surgery, but an indirect complication which is rarely mentioned – TRANSFER ADDICTION.

 

My cousin and I were very close. We're the same age. Growing up we were Batman and Robin – and we would always refer to each other as this.

 

After her surgery, my cousin lost a lot of weight, looked great, and began to “show off" her new self. She would occasionally go to a bar, and guys would come up to her and buy her a drink. Being polite, she would take the drink, do a little chit-chat and eventually thank the person and tell them she wasn’t interested since she was married.

 

Well I guess after awhile, she began to love the attention she got. It seemed she would go “out with the gals" more and more. The more bars she frequented, the more alcohol she would consume, as she soaked up the attention. Eventually she got so addicted to the alcohol and the flirtation that it affected her business; friends; relatives; and her immediate family. About 5 years ago there was a major family falling out, and she became distant with everyone. She even left her youngest children with their Dad, and went off to “find herself".  

 

When I had my surgery the first person I wanted to share it with was my cousin, but couldn’t. This fact always sadden me, but I learned to accept it.

 

About a month ago I heard my cousin was very sick with Cirrhosis, and it didn’t look good. Her ex-Husband had taken her back in (from what I hear she was basically destitute), but she was still feisty as ever. I eventually got a phone number and called her. The very first thing I said after she said hello was “Are you ready to play Batman and Robin?" She immediately knew who it was. She was cold, but we had a good talk.

 

A weeks later I went to see her, and did not recognized her. If she never opened her mouth and spoke I would not know it was her. She was down to about 100 pounds, and looked like she was 80. The visit was genial, but strained. It was nice to see all her kids surrounded her, and she was cooking up a storm. But by the end she was tired, and had to lie down. I gave her a kiss goodbye, and told her I’d call soon.

 

I called her last week, but she never returned the call. I found out she was in the hospital, but no other information was given. I figured if she wanted me to be there she would have returned my call.

 

On Saturday I found out she passed. I got the news through a mutual friend. The family is trying to figure out funeral arrangements. The only thing I know it will be a closed casket.

 

I am not writing this for sympathy, but to alert many that TRANSFER addictions is quite prevalent after bariatric surgery. Be it alcohol; sex; gambling; shopping; etc – many trade in their food addiction for another. Some even combine addictions (like my cousin did). My cousin lost all the weight to prolong her life, and in the end her life was shorten because she turned to another vice. She was just 47.

 

Learn from my Cousin’s mistake, and please seek help along the way of your journey. I want to see you around for a very long time.

So sorry to hear about your cousin!!! Transfer addiction is so sad! Thanks for making everyone more aware of it!!!

Hugs!

I heard about Transfer addictions.  I know this sounds like I'm being silly but seriously why can't I be addicted to something that is good for me like vegetables or exercise. 

Sorry for your loss.  Your family will be in my prayers.

Tom,

Please accept my condolences for your loss. Alcoholism runs in my family (in fact, it practically gallops) so I know the devastation it can cause. You've got my numbers -- call if you want to talk.

I'll keep you and your cousin in my prayers.

 Tom......thank you for talking about this.   It is a VERY REAL issue that many of us who have had WLS (no matter which surgery)  have a tendency to get.   I am so very sorry for your loss.    47 yrs. old is so young to lose your life especially when you have a WLS to make your life longer.   And as Tom said.....PLEASE if you have any transfer addiction....please get help.   Sometimes the single addiction as he said can turn into alot of different addictions and some can totally destroy your life and the lives of the people that you love and love you.    Have a blessed day and week.


Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian

My prayers are with your cousin Tom and I hope her children will be OK. I am sorry for your loss as well.
God Bless,
Leslie

Tom,
Thank you for sharing something so personal to make your friends aware of what can happen...


Janitzia

Thank you for educating me on this tTRANSFER ADDICTION.  I had not heard of it.   I've said prayers for her family and you too. 

What a tragedy.  I am so sorry to hear of your cousins passing in such an unnecessary way.  Thank you for sharing your story.  It will indeed open the eyes of many people.  You have helped many today.
Take care,
Heather

Tom,
I am so sorry for your loss.  Thanks for sharing this however painful it must be for you.  This issue is rarely discussed.