Here's why eating is hard for me

If I touch a pan it burns my fingers.  That instant feedback lets me know when to stop.  My pouch has a delayed action.  I don't realize that I've messed up until it's too late.  Eating too fast or bites too large has a faster feedback than stuffing in those last two bites of something yummy after I'm already full.  Vigilance.  That's a discipline I've never practiced much in my life.  At least not over my own actions.  I've certainly been vigilant to pick up on the slights and perceived insults and discrimination from others, but to actually figure out that I do not have my own best interests at the forefront of my mind.  Well, that should not be shocking, but it still continues to surprise me.  The second step of the 12 steps is ... came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  Yup.  That just rolls off the tongue and makes perfect sense, but the vigilance involved in that belief, that restoration, that sanity -- wow.  The vigilance I'm working to learn is a bite by bite realization that if I don't pay attention to the detail of that single bite, each swallow, each pause between bites, I'll be in pain.  And bringing unnecessary pain on myself is insane.

This came about thinking about having one of the pastries (my drug of choice) brought to the meeting I'm in and the thought "it would make you sick.  how could you enjoy it?"  So far so good, I had a little smoked turkey with a half slice of melted swiss and a few wheat crackers instead -- and my pouch feels good.  Pretty freaking sane for a Friday.

Wow, I hope I still have your very positive outlook a year from now......I feel that way now, because I've just had it done in July and I'm pretty positive and still have that "I'll watch everything I put in my mouth" attitude, but, I can't believe it will last.  I haven't had any "cravings" yet, but, I'm sure they'll come and I'll just do it "one day at a time" and stay positive.  Thanks for your insight!!!