Need Encouragement

Hello,
I had my surgery a year ago January 5th. I have lost 50lbs. For the last few months I have not been doing very well. I lost my 28 year old daughter back in October. She was mentally and physically handicapped. She was a joy a very happy person. I have not been able to stay focus since then. I had a fill in Nov. I was too tight. I was not able to keep anything down. My doctor took about 1cc out. I feel some restriction depending on what I eat. I'm just not able to focus.

I have never been in this situation before. Right now I'm not working and being at home is a struggle too. I do not feel like exercising or anything. Can anyone give me some suggestions? Anyone been through loosing a child? How do I get back to where I was before this happen? Thank you for your time

First of all I want you to know that my heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I have never lost a child so I couldn't even imagine how hard that is. My story does sound a lot like yours in other ways though. I had my surgery in Feb 09 but I had only lost about 20 pounds before I started gaining it all back. I realized that I could eat anything I wanted again and that's all it took. I was eating sugar things everyday, candy, cake, ice cream, anything with sugar in it, I ate it. I got a fill last Sept and I was too tight so the dr took out 1 cc too. I also felt some restriction depending on what I ate to but I decided to go back to the Dr 4 days ago and try another fill. I told the nurse that sometimes I have all kinds of restriction and sometimes I dont have any. She went on to explain to me that I may be feeling restriction but that doesn't mean it's coming because I'm tight. She asked me if I drink at least64 ounces a day and I told her not at all. She said when you stay too dry that you will feel restriction especially in the mornings. She said it wan't because of being tight it was because I was too dry and that makes perfect sense to me. She said that I've got to get my liquids to keep my pouch moist. After my fill 4 days ago, I'm feeling ok so far. I can only eat very very small bites and only a few or I will throw up. I am really tight but as long as I can keep liquids down and some food I want to keep this fill in. The only thing that got me back on track was this last fill because it forced me to put down the food once and for all. I had to drink liquids for 2 days so I didn't have no choice but to go without my sweets. Now I don't feel I need that sugar in my body. I'm feeling pretty good. I have got to start excersicing soon. I just can't get motivated to do it. I'm taking one day at a time and I'm making a goal for each day not each week or each month but for each day. Today's goal was to eat less carbs than I did yesterday. I had a few things yesterday that had a little more carbs than what I would like to have in a day. You hang in there. You will soon be back on track in no time. I lost my dad when I was only 21 and I thought my life was over. I felt there was no reason in living anymore but I know he wouldn't want me to feel that way. I promise you it will get better. Please add me as a friend if you would like and maybe we can keep eachother motivated. Take care and God Bless!  Sorry for such a long post  :)

I am so very sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine.  That is so sad.  I lost a baby, he was stillborn.  It threw me into a very deep dark place, where I gained an extra 50 pounds in a year after it happened.  Grief is just a sad and lonely place, and the grief of losing a child is unlike any other.  I feel so bad for you.

I don't know if you have, but sit down and write your daughter a letter.  A letter of what you want her to know, what you want with the rest of your life and a promise to live for her and with her in your heart every single day.  I remember someone telling me to do that and I finally sat down at the computer late one night (cause I did not sleep for at least a year) and just started typing and I balled my eyes out the whole time, but it was a release that I needed.  The grief is so strong it's hard to keep that in without exploding (or eating) in some form. 

Then, write a list of goals.  Nothing huge or crazy.  Start small.  Start with a goal for the next day.  Tomorrow I will do this....  Then do a goal for a week, I will eat 60 grams of protein or 1200 calories, or walk 4 days.  Anything.  Start small, but start doing something and just ease your way back and take it day to day and week to week.  Maybe you can make exercise your new form of outlet. 

You can do this.  I know your heart is broken and honestly there will always be a piece missing.  When you lose a child you don't go back to your former self, a new one emerges and it's a new you that unfortunately bears a chip in your heart.  It will get easier and you will heal, but it will always be with you and as a mother, it should be, our babies our never forgotten.  God bless you and her, she is smiling down on you now.   Please hang in there, you can do this. 

Boo

 I am so sorry for your loss and can't imagine how painful it is for you.  I have a suggestion to maybe get you out of the house.  How about volunteering?  Maybe by helping others and getting out of the house it will keep your mind on other things?  

That is a great idea. Maybe I will look into doing that. Thank you for your time and suggestion.