my surgical consult today

I am feeling alot of emotions at the moment. I feel so confused and I am sure all the folks here have felt the same but I just want to make sure I am making the best choice. I have gone through a couple years of research ( and I am still confused ? lol) Refianced my house to get the funds. I guess I am just feeling overwhemed its so much information to take in and of course today I was told I would need $1000 more because the surgeons fees changed effective 7/28/09 and I would need to pay the $300 extra to do the optifast pre op diet because I have a higher end BMI. At home I was a full 10 pounds diffrent than the surgeons office. So that pushed me over the required BMI for required pre op diet. I tried to be positive and think about the jump start I am giving myself.

The unexpected extra money needed and all have just made me wonder am I doing the right thing, have I tried hard enough on my own? My own brother said he thought it was a waste of money and that I should just hire a nutritionist and go to the gym. Why does everyone think its that easy? The surgeon asked me how long I have been overweight, I have been my whole life I replied, after all I was a 11 lb baby. He smiled but I thought wow I guess I am just meant to be overwieight and maybe I should just accept my fate.
Sorry for the rambling... I just need to vent.

I am 4days post op and have regrets, BUT I know if I didnt do this, I would still be on the roller coaster of gaining and losing the rest of my life. With WLS, it should be more permanent- I think it's worth it, even though I am not sure of myself lol. It's NOT easy to lose by yourself, and even harder to keep off.

thanks for leaving me a reply :
Someone else here told me that everyone doing this has a moment of buyers regret of some degree. I know this is a drastic move to help myself get where I need to be and I know the changes that come along. Did you wonder all the way up to the night before if you were making the correct choice?

honestly ---- no -- once I made the decision (end of March this year), I moved forward quickly to support groups, surgeon's seminar, consult, psych eval, required tests, surgery

I also joined an on-line OA program and committed to giving up my 'trigger foods'  and started to eat like a 'bandster'.  I lost 20 pounds prior to surgery

I have not had any second-guessing ---- I was ready to do this.

I know that not everyone has the same experience as I did, but after years of trying to do this myself, I welcomed this opportunity to change my life.

I don't want to scare you -- but I was self pay also, and my doctor found a hiatal hernia (very common in obese patients even if you do not have symptoms) --- he repaired it for free --- BUT the anesthesiologist and the surgery center billed my insurance separately for the hernia procedure -- and I had to pay the portion that insurance did not pay (about 300.00 extra). 

All that my doctor told me was "if I find a hernia while I am in there, I will fix it" --- but I was not expecting the additional charges --- you might want to clarify that before your surgery date.

Mel, I LOVE your username because is says so much about this experience and your state of mind :)   This is a long, difficult journey for all of us, whoever thinks WLS is the easy way out is BONKERS

Probably like yourself, I started dieting when I was really young, before high school even.  I've been big my whole life.  The only time I've ever been sucessful losing a lot of weight was when I was 20.   I worked out with a personal trainer 2 times a week for a year, counted my calories, and I lost 70lbs.  I felt so good.  It took just  one life change - a new job - and in less then two years all of that weight was back.  Fast forward 7 years and I was 112lbs heavier!!  

During the past 7 years I've tried everything!! And spent thousands of dollars doing it!  My problem with all these different diets is that I never felt full, ever.  When I do feel full, I stopped eating, but it took a LOT of food to get there.  

When I finally hit that magic number, 300, and was put on medicine for high blood pressure, I knew I needed to do something drastic.  It's not that I didn't try, I tried so hard for so long.  We all try, but sometimes will power is not enough, some people need a tool, whether that is a band, RNY, DS, etc.  That's all WLS is, a tool to help. 

I can't tell you what is best for you, maybe when you weigh all your options the surgery is not worth it.  But I want you to know that YOU ARE WORTH IT!  Whatever you decide, surgery or go it on your own,  you are worth it.  I am only 4 weeks out and I know it's the best decision I've ever made.   Hang in there!  

P.S.  That part about being fated to be overweight, SCREW FATE. 

Thanks for your great words of wisdom :)
I feel a little better today still confused but a little more focused. My mind says this is the only way I am going to really change my habits, and make the changes in my life needed to lose this extra weight. I want to think of this as my chance to start over. I just turned 37 end of july and I have not had any children. Having at least one child is something I want to do. I was married 15 years as of this year and I am waiting for my divorce decree to come any day now. So these last few years have just been hard especially this year and Ijust want a new chance to feel happy and good. Good meaning physically and internally. Anyways thanks for listening.

MEL! HI!
Yeah, its scary. Yes I had buyers remorse a little, but I was more excited to lose the weight. And you will think "what have I done to myslef?"

Sorry you have to do the optifast, but THANKS for posting that thier scale is off...Ive noticed that too! Its bad enough that is like a big livestock scale! LOL 

I think you said it yourself:

have I tried hard enough on my own? My own brother said he thought it was a waste of money and that I should just hire a nutritionist and go to the gym. Why does everyone think its that easy?

Im not saying its easy, cause its not. You have to work with the band. Im losing slowly, but I feel it will NOT come back this time...once and for all.

Good luck to you!!

To add just one more piece of info - I've save TONS of money since I started the pre-op diet.  I am fairly fortunate that I don't have to have a super restrictive budget so I never realized how much money I spent on food / social drinking.   Literally i've saved almost $700 in the past 5 weeks just cutting out going out to restaurants and bars.   

Now that I have to buy and prepare all of my food - and eat next to nothing - I am saving so much.   I have been out to a few restaurants with friends since I was allowed "soft foods", but I've ordered soup (which costs nothing practically) or I am stealing things off of other's plates (which is free!). 

You may want to take that into consideration when you are calculating whether it's worth it.