LONG, overdue update!!! Grab a glass of wine, erm.... er... juice? LOL
OK it has been AGES since I posted in here last so I feel the need to provide some back story...
I had gastric bypass 10/18/11 and found myself pregnant with my second child just 5.5 months post-op. On 11/30/12 I gave birth to a handsome baby boy who will be turning 2 soon! That seriously blows my mind that it's been that long since he was born... ANYWAY... After FINALLY getting back on track, I found out that I was expecting my third child just 5 months after having my son!
Fast forward to August 2013 just days before our gender ultrasound, I kicked my husband out of the house after my nephew, who'd been living with us since 2010, told his mom that my husband had been sexually abusing him. My husband was arrested just a couple of weeks later and charged with sexual assault on a child and sexual assault on a child by a person in a position of trust. While I was pretty sure I was going to end up divorcing him, I put that on the back burner while the criminal stuff got sorted out "just in case" it all turned out to be a lie (which it didn't). My husband ended up confessing EVERYTHING to me and later accepted a plea bargain. He plead guilty to ATTEMPTED sexual assault on a child and the other charge was dropped. He was sentenced in April of this year to three years in prison (******* got of EASY!!!) and two years of parole to follow. I had my third child (a girl) on January 13, 2014.
Naturally, I was in a deep, dark place for a long time. I wrestled with anger, depression, anxiety, sheer hatred... I wanted to give up. A LOT. But here I had three extremely important reasons to keep going. Looking back, I honesty don't know how I got through, but I did by the grace of God. Once the loneliness really set in, I created a profile on plenty of fish (a dating site). That quickly became uninteresting to me when the first (and only) guy I ever talked to off of that site ended up being a freak who just wanted a woman to let him in her back door and THIS mama don't play that!!! I decided I wasn't ready to put up with another man's bull**** and resigned myself to being single for the foreseeable future. I was focusing on my schooling and my kids and that was, most of the time, distraction enough from the loneliness that was eating at me.
After being on the max daily dose of Zoloft for a few months, I started to have more problems with anxiety and depression. Mainly surrounding a big move from the home my husband and I had built together to an apartment for just me and my kiddos. But my doctor put me on another anti-depressant to supplement the Zoloft and I didn't like feeling like I had to have these pills to just survive. So I started (once again) to look for a church home.
I've since found that - and more. I messaged an old co-worker/acquaintance to ask what church he went to three weeks ago and somehow that led to talking about our lives in general and exchanging phone numbers "in case I ever needed to talk." At that point we started exchanging more than 200 texts a day. And then, before you knew it we were meeting in person to talk. After our first meeting, I hugged him goodbye as I tend to do all of my friends and he texted me later that day saying "I could've held you all day." I started having feelings for him and ended up asking if I was crazy and imagining the chemistry between us because I'm just not very good at the flirting/dating/general dealings with the opposite sex thing and he said no, I wasn't crazy. The next time we met up, he kissed me after walking me to my car and that was pretty much that. He is quite a bit older than I am - 10, almost 11 years lol but it doesn't bother either one of us. He is a complete gentleman. Opens doors, tells me I'm beautiful multiple times a day, etc. He's sooo sooo good to me and he's great with my kids. He understands without having been told that they and I are a package deal. I told him that it melts my heart that he cares about my kids so much and he told me "Of course I do. They're part of you and I love you so I love them, too." LOL My kids absolutely love him, too... Judge if you must, but I'm pretty sure he's my next husband...
Now I just need to get divorced... no, I am still not divorced yet, but have applied for legal aid and they have said this should be easy and that I could be a free woman as soon as February. Sounds good to me!!!! I just want to make absolutely sure that my ex isn't allowed anything more than supervised visits with the kids.
Speaking of my kids... my oldest just turned 6 (WHAAAAA??!??!!) and is doing great in Kindergarten. She's a brilliant little girl and started school already reading at a 5TH grade level!!! My boy is such a handful but such a momma's boy and he just melts my heart. My youngest is 9 months old - cray cray!!! She's crawling everywhere, pulls herself up and walks along the furniture. She's FINALLY starting to catch up in size with her peers. Today at her 9 month check-up she weighed 15lb 3oz and was 26.5 inches. For the longest time she wasn't even on the growth charts!
Anyway, it's been a helluva year. One I didn't think I would have survived if you had asked me back then. But here I am... standing, stronger than ever, and now I have a love greater than what I ever had with my ex. I guess all those people who told me a year ago that things wouldn't suck forever were right after all even though I couldn't see it then.
So... I thought my family was complete but now... who knows. There certainly won't be any new little ones along any time soon but they're not outside the realm of possibility now. My new hunny and I have mutually agreed to save sex for if/when we are married. I figure - hey, God gave me this second chance and I'm going to do things His way this time so that things might just turn out better this time. :)
Anyway, there's my novel. If you've made it this far thanks for reading. Hope you all are well. Wishing those of you who are TTC lots and lots of sticky baby dust!
Celia
Me and my new hunny (his name is Russell)
My oldest and my boy snuggling and watching a movie. They love each other :)
My youngest at 8 months old
celia!!! this brought tears to my eyes!!!! i'm so proud of you for making it through the dark times and all that was thrown at you. you were being tested and you passed with flying colors. and now god is rewarding you. i could not be happier for you!!!! our babies are almost 2!! and your littlest is 9 months already?! when did that happen?! i see so much joy in your future. and you deserve it!! congrats on your new love and your new happiness!!
Meli -
I know! Who the heck gave these boys permission to grow so fast??? I can't believe they're coming up on 2 already! And, yes, Amaliyah is 9 months already as of 10/13, too... seems like yesterday I was going to the hospital every other day with contractions and was anxiously and miserably awaiting her arrival.
That was one HELL of a test! I honestly don't know how I got through everything... One day, one hour, one minute at a time, I guess... In the end I have to thank my ex for putting me through everything because it prepared me for what's next. I also know now that I deserve so much better than I had settled for the entire time I was with him.
I am lucky to have had the love and support of many friends like you throughout this whole ordeal!
I haven't popped in here in MONTHS, maybe a year, but I'm glad I saw this update! So glad you're doing well now. My little man is the biggest handful ever I can't imagine adding a third lol!
Changed for good
...september 17, 2007...
