TTC FRUSTRATION!!!

Liz A.
on 3/20/13 11:14 pm - OH
(WARNING!!! B*tch fest ALERT!) this is a rant!

Frustration is not the word! I'm not sure what is. I want to scream! My DH and I have been TTC for about 3 years now and I'm trying to stay positive but it is getting harder the longer this crap drags out. I've been to a fertility specialist and all my levels are good, no, great in fact. Apparently losing 160 lbs is a good thing for my body and my ovaries and repro system have reset it's self! (Previously I wasn't ovulating at all) even through WLS we didn't use anything (I know I know but the risk didn't matter cause I never got prego) now it's been over a year since surgery and my docs say more than ready to conceive. Vitamins a great, weight is stabilized and holding steady since 10 months post op. huge rounds of testing, HSG ugg! Blood work and urologist for the DH and nothing yet!

my DH is low count but only borderline. So the doc suggested IUI or maybe IVF if that doesn't work . We go in for our 2nd round IUI next Monday but I am not nearly as excited as last time. I'm really thinking ill never be pregnant again. (My first and only is 12). (2 Miscarriages and 1 tubal in the last ten years).

It is just do frustrating! I read these boards all the time, hoping it will make me feel better to see how different women have dealt with infertility. A girl i work with said she is pregnant and had the audacity to tell me 'don't worry, you can baby sit!' I could have punched her! And to add insult to injury, last night my Best friend told me she is expecting too and it's twins! Im so jealous! I am so extremely happy for her but I'm so jealous! It's her first pregnancy and she's had so many issues getting a BFP and I'm so beside myself with excitement but still I'm SO jealous! Does this extreme frustration and jealousy ever end? I mean, I'm not NOT able to put it aside it its so hard! I just want a baby and I want it now! I know I sound selfish and spoiled but I'm really just mad and frustrated And I feel like everything I'm been putting myself and my DH through is for nothing! I'm at the end if my mental rope! I'm just so FRUSTRATED!

Any words of wisdom? To sooth my crazy nerves?
Paula622
on 3/21/13 3:29 am

No wisdom, just empathy.  Everything you're feeling is normal.  It sucks, but unfortunately it seems there is no one size fits all answer.  Just know that I'm thinking about you and hoping you'll get your baby soon! 

 

P*****hing the co-worker would have been totally justified!

~ Paula
219/185/127/121/119
HW/SW/Original Goal/CW/New Goal 
Post WLS baby, born 11/10/11 and 3/20/14
 
      

Liz A.
on 3/21/13 4:27 am - OH
Lol! Thanks got the empathy! I think that helps too. I know I'm not alone its just SO frustrating! And endless..... Thanks for your support! I feel for you too !

I love my WLS buddies!
Rekeca
on 3/21/13 7:10 am - NC

I truly understand how you are feeling. I have never been able to conceive and its is so hard. I will be 40 years old for my birthday and I just feel like a complete failure. It seems like every time you look around somebody is pregnant. You are happy for them but envious at the same time. I know of I think 4 friends that are currently expecting a few that just had a baby. So trust and believe I understand your frustration. Just know that we are in this fight together. Hugs

    
(deactivated member)
on 3/21/13 8:16 am
Girlllll, you don't have to tell me.....I have been swinging at the knot that I've tied at the end of my rope for a while now. Unlike you and most others, my surgery totally jacked my system! I never had issues with my cycles, ovulation, ect. Lose 150lbs and now I am infertile! I don't ovulate on my own anymore. We have tried clomid, progesterone and a trigger shot and Nada. I really thought this last cycle was gonna be it.....wrong! Ugh! I get the frustration, the emotional turmoil that goes with feeling empty and without a baby. I have conceived before so I know I can carry a baby. Praying for your bfp in the very near future :-)
victoria3
on 3/21/13 10:53 pm - Douglassville, PA

Please, B*tch away! 

I totally feel for what you are going through, as I (and DH) am in the same boat!  Actually, you story seems very similar to mine.  There are months that I cry when AF shows up and then there are months that I am pissed!  I know that for me, my age (41) is what is going against me; for DH is a low count.  We have done the whole  infertility work up and I just finished my 4 month of Clomid (in 2WW now-again!).  He has 2 boys from a previous marriage and he tells me all the time that "we do have kids, you are their mom", but it's not the same, I want a baby that is our DNA....

 

BTW- you would have been totally justified to punch out your co-worker!!  How rude!!!!  no



Liz A.
on 3/22/13 8:41 am - OH
Thank you all so much for your support! It is truly a wonderful thing to have friends (even blog friends) that can support you when you need it. I wish you all the luck you need for your own BFP and wish me luck on Monday and then the dreaded 2 week walk of waiting! Ugg! 😝
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