Anyone else

So I dont often post on here but Im still a lurker and check in to see how everybody is doing. Some of you may remember last August I lost my daughter at 17 weeks. I went to the ER for dehydration from the flu only to be told that she had no heartbeat. I was given the choice of labor & delivery or her being removed with an abortion...I chose to deliver, I just could not fathom the thought of her being removed in pieces. Anyway it was an unplanned pregnancy. I was having periods 2 times a month with the nuva ring so I went for an ultrasound (the obgyn is my surgeons wife) and they saw thickening in my uterus and thought that it was cancer. They did a routine pregnancy test before the biopsy that they wanted to do and low and behold that thickening was a very early pregnancy. I had no interest in coparenting with the dad and had been contemplating leaving but felt stuck so I was going to place her up for adoption. I was 33 and divorced with 2 kids already and I knew I could not give her the life she deserved. Since my 5 year old was a c-section and my dr did not do vbacs I was going to have a scheduled c-section and I made it clear that I wanted my tubes tied while they were in there. I was adament that I was content with the 2 that I had. The 1 year anniversary of her birth and death was August 12th and I have been "craving" if that makes any sense another baby. Im not in any relationship and know that it would be dumb but I just cant shake that feeling. ANybody else ever been thru this? How did you deal with the desire to have another baby with the logic of knowing that it was not a good idea? Thanks in advance for the thoughts and advice.

hey girly, yep, i  remember you , i think about you aot.. i know the craving, i have it, never been pregnant, but hope to be soon... it sounds like you had your tubes tied.. that doesn't mean no more babies for sure, like me, they  may have to be made in the lab.. orrrr. since you know the meaning and love behind adoption, you can actually adopt  an embryo from families willing to adopt their already made embryos, when they are thinking their family is complete... you can actually be pregnant with your adopted child.. i'm  on the adoption list already, but haven't heard anything yet, and am trying ivf this cycle before i get too old.. anyway, just wanted to encourage you,, hope all things work out well , and God Bless ya, sandy

Thank you Sandy for your kind words of encouragement. Your name is fitting, I had decided on one of my 13 year old daughters teachers to adopt my daughter. Her name is Sandy and her and her partner are amazing moms and I was only comfortable with my decision of adoption because we are great friends and I know that I would have been allowed to be active in her life. They were supportive of making sure she knew I was her birth mama and that I loved her very much, she would have known my 2 children as her siblings. I was even planning on pumping to provide nutrition for her. They decided that they were going to do invitro with the same donor as their twins. That was devistating to me and changed everything. Anyway no my tubes are not tied because I had her vaginally....all 7 inches and 4 ounces of her. Thats part of my desire because I know that its still possible....but like I said Im not in a relationship and im 34. Just struggle with feeling like it wont ever happen. The whole process of even meeting somebody, dating and falling love is such a long process. Adoption is such an amazing thing for the birth mom, the child and the adoptive family, its a bond like no other. I wish you success in the creation and expansion of you and your husbands love for eachother :)