feeling very alone right now

 i wrote a list of all the stuff to ask the OB tomorrow based on your feedback which i HIGHLY appreciate because i would never have known what to ask. i told my husband i need him as back up. that i'm trying to decide if i want to go with him or a birthing center. and i'll make my decision based on his answers and his attitude about my questions. i told him i need him to be my rock, to make sure the doc gives me actual answers and doesn't just patronize me. because i'm such a pushover i'll just say ok, ok and not follow up.

my husband who is a debator by nature (you know the type, mr. logical, rational, all the things i'm not.) starts really picking apart my questions. and it really starts to upset me. i feel like i'm being challeneged. why are you picking these apart? you're supposed to be here to support me. and he says things like he understands why the guy wouldn't want a doula or birthcoach in the room (which is a huge red flag for me, and its upsetting that he doesn't "get" that), and when i tell him i wanna video tape the birth he says "who would wanna see that?". god...what a jerk. is that how he's gonna be in the labor room??? umm...the porn he looks at online is grosser than a woman giving birth. geez. typical guy bull****

it just really left me feeling like we weren't a team. i thought he would always have my back and be on my side and "get me"....but i feel like he doesn't. i felt so alone. and no one i know has given birth at a birthing center. i feel like i'm all alone. like i should just give up and just do whatever they want me to do. i don't know everything. i know nothing. its so overwhelming and there's so much info out there and i don't know any of it. and its so hard for me to express myself because i'm not good with words. i'm not logical or rational. all i know is what i feel. and he keeps challenging me to explain every feeling i have and i can't. 

sigh...

You are a strong, intelegent lady meli! This is your first time with all this so of course you don't know everything! Not even mothers of 10 kids know everything about pregnancy and child birth. I think your confidence will grow as things progress. Remember that doctors are just people and a lot of their medical choices and advice are based on their own opinions and experiences. Making a list of questions is a great way to remember all of your questions etc.
I'm sorry your hubby is not exactly backing you up. Mine hasn't done very well in that department either. You don't have to explain why you feel the way you feel to your doctor. Your choices and feelings are totally valid just because they are yours. I don't think your doctor will grill you the way your hubby has about things.
Hang in there!

 thanks nikki!! talking to your girls makes me feel like i'm not alone.

Good Luck!  You are truly not alone - he sounds to me like a typical man!  He will very likely back you up in front of the doctor - when it is most important.

Another thought if you get this in time - ask the nurse some of your questions while you get your BP, etc. done.  While they may not have all the answers, you can always ask again to the OB!  Just remember it is YOUR body, YOUR baby and YOUR comfort level on the line!

 thank you!! yes he is being a typical man. which is so shocking to me bc since i've known him he's never been  that. he's always been the sensitive open minded not your typical guy, guy. so its a little disappointing to see that in this arena, he is just that.

thank you, i haven't left yet so i will ask the nurses. 

thanks. it means a lot to have support.

Don't get to frustrated with him.....as you have said and the other girls he is just being a MAN....lol.  But i agree he will prob back you up when you with the doc as he cares about you and will always want whats best for you.  My hubby is very laid back when i tell him my concerns about things sometimes i get frustrated and think he isnt listening.  But when we are in the office and the doc ask do you have any questions or concerns i generally say "Nope doing good" and my hubby will then say "honey didn't you say...."  So you may be suprised when you get there with how receptive he really is.  I'm sure he will do fine during your labor and delivery.  I remember with our first my hubby was so lost on what to do....i told him just hold my hand and thats just what he did.  It hurt him soooo bad to see me in such pain and he felt so helpless.  After she was born he said "i am going to get fixed b/c i don't want you to have to go thru that again"   to which i resonded "oh it wasn't that bad :)".....it's amazing how quick we seem to forget as i am baking #3 :)

Good luck with your appt today voice your concerns and questions.  Its good you made a list, if your anything like me i forget as soon as i remember.....lol

Tiff 

 thanks tiff! i think you're right. i know he was just trying to get a grasp on the questions and find out what answers i wanted to hear so he would know what to press on. but i don't have the answers. thats why i'm asking questions. i don't know what i wanna hear. i want to hear his answers and i'll assess them later in calmness at home. this is just a fact finding mission. i think he will back me up, he's very similar to yours. i'm like..nope i'm good. thats so me. and he would be the one to bring things up. thats why i'm taking him. we'll see how he does.

Meli- I hope you can get the answers that you are looking for and you can make decisions that you feel comfortable with.

Just playing devil's advocate here- something you say might have your DH pride bruised :
-"and he says things like he understands why the guy wouldn't want a doula or birth coach in the room"
   He might be thinking that that is his job, that he is the one that is to be taking care of you during labor, and that he is the dad and he wants to be there for you and the baby- it might be a man thing...  IDK- I'm not a guy and I really have no idea how they think.

Another thing about the video taping- I know at the hospital that I work at patients are not allowed to video tape births- you might want to ask about the policy about that at wherever you decide to deliver. 

 if only!! no sadly that wasn't his opinion at all. i wi**** was because that would mean he was more emotionally invested. but he's just logical. there's no emotion behind it at all. 

Meli,

I'm sorry this is rough. I want to say 2 things and I hope it won't make you upset. The first is that you are pregnant and therefore your hormones are out of wack and you are going to see your husband's responses as really terrible when really all he's doing is expressing his opinion. You are lucky that he is even expressing an interest in the process. Many men don't want to know anything about it and aren't supportive at all. It sounds like he wants to know about what's going on, which is a great start.
The 2nd thing I want to say is that you said your husband is the opposite of you. I think that's a really good thing. My husband and I are opposites too and, although it's really hard at times, if I truly listen to his opinions and not just brush off what he says because it's different from what I want or believe then we can usually find some middle ground. He has some really good ideas when I listen to him. It's when I am stubborn and won't listen that we have the most arguments. Studies have shown that men need and want unconditional respect more than they desire love. We show them respect by listening to them and valuing their opinions. That being said, the hormones made it almost impossible for me to listen to his opinions when I was pregnant. I was really mean to him all through my pregnancy and we are still healing from that. He understood it was the hormones, but it was still really tough on him. I think it would be important that you explain to your husband that you can't explain some of your thoughts and feelings because pregnancy is weird and hormonal. Hopefully he can understand. Then try to listen to him. I do agree that it's your body so ultimately your decision, but I also think women in our day and age forget that the baby is his too so his opinion is valid.
I don't want to make you upset. You are not alone. I can't tell you how much I couldn't stand my hubby when I was pregnant. I just want to offer another side of things. So many people are out to get what they want for themselves in marriage and we forget that we are supposed to be a team. Compromise has to start somewhere and maybe it has to be you to start it. If you can sit down with him and calmly explain what you want and what's going on with you, that will most likely go a long way for him to be more supportive of you.
Hopefully this comes off as I intend it to, I am not meaning to offend, I just am trying to impart a little wisdom from what happened in my marriage during my pregnancy. I wish I had acted differently. It wasn't until after I had Ginny that I realized that most of the problem was actually me. Once I figured that out and tried to change how I react to my husband and focus on the things I love about him, things got better. I am not saying it's you that's the problem, I don't know you well enough to say that. But really look at what's going on and make sure you understand that it's a possibility that you need to change something you're doing and it's probably not ALL him.

Tina

P.S. As for the video, just tell him that you don't get to see what's going on from where you sit during the birth and you'd like to be able to see it. He doesn't have to watch it if he doesn't want to (0: