OT: Words of advice....3/4 yr old behavior

I would like some words of encouragement regarding 3/4 year old behavior. I just want so badly for my children to be good listeners which for the most part they are. Since the day my oldest turned 4 just this month she has been acting up a bit. The school has let me know that she has been challenging, not listening well and ha**** another child on 2 occasions. I just want to be reassured that this is some kind of normal.....she also has attitude; for example I told her something twice and she said "I know you already told me that" with the "look". She also grabs anything my younger daughter has right out of her hands. Sometimes its as if I am talking to the wall, she looks right through me.


I get nervous because I work with some pretty judgmental women who think when a kid acts up even a little its because of bad parenting. I feel like I do the best I can, my kids have love, lots of hugs, kisses and appropriate discipline. I am trying to reassure myself that its "just the age" without thinking I'm a bad parent.

If you have been through this and your kids are now older and are just fine, please reassure me. Your experiences, please??

I have a sassy 5/6 year old who will say stuff like that or the worst to me is "yeah I already know".
Or "your a mean Mom"
The only thing that has worked is constancy, the mean mom thing is easy whatever she is playing with or wants instantly goes away. But with the other words of "knowledge" I have explained that acting like that is not okay towards ANY adult, her father and I are not together so I think he tends to be to soft on her. She is very strong headed but I am a strict Mom, I do give her advance notice "This is your last chance to shape up, no more chances!" And I really do follow through with punishment and the punishment depends on the what she has done, if she is just responding sassy I firmly tell her she is not an adult and can not talk to me like one, that I will have a conversation with her even if she has heard it 100 times and she is to listen, sometimes it is actually spanking her (only when she is very rude once, only once she told me to shut up) and honestly she knows I will spank her so she doesn't usually pu**** that far. Most of the time if she continues after her warning her bath is just a cleaning and no playing, or no TV or dessert, and when the punishment comes I remind her why it is happening.
Good luck

I think it is just the age.  I probably have the HUGEST, high maintenance DRAMA queen there is!!!  I am truly not exagerating (sp?)!  She has been since she was 6 weeks old!  She will be 5 in June.  I agree with the pp, in that consistancy is the key.  I did this with my teenager and she is graduating 1 month from tomorrow #1 in her class!  Consistancy, consistancy, consistancy!  I have 2 little ones, a almost 3 year old and a almost 5 year old.  Some days, it seems like there is almost constant screaming, fighting going on.  My 5 year doesn't listen.  I will ask her to do something, if she doesn't respond- I give her a warning.  If she still doesn't respond--into the corner she goes for a time out.  Same with the brother.  The other night, I didn't think we were ever going to get to eat dinner because both my husband and myself had a kid in timeout!  

Some days are great, others not!  My teen turned out awesome!  When they hit school, and have to answer to different authority figures-it gets better.

Oh, and btw--don't feel bad about the daughter acting up--a few weeks ago I went to pick up my little drama queen from from preschool/daycare --and one of the teachers met me wanting to "talk" to me.  She proceeded to tell me my daughter didn't want another little girl on the outside gym so she took her foot against the girls throat and kicked her back!!!  I had to have a "major" talk with my daughter on this one!  We also are loving household, with hugs/kisses/church, etc---where do these kids get it????

Hang in there---it gets better!!! 

At this age they are testing and retesting their limits.  They are going to see just how far they can push you before you snap or punish them.  This doesn't mean they are good or bad kids.  They are human and kids at that.  And I can tell you that as time goes on, it will slow down somewhat when they learn their limits but they will still test you from time to time.  I have a 17 year old, have worked in numberous daycares/preschools, and I have 1,3, and 4 year old boys.  They all will test you.  They will also follow what they see other kids do.  It doesn't matter if they are around them all the time o no.  Mine can see a another child acting out in a store and try the same thing.  You just have to stay strong and follow through with your actings. (Wether that is talking, time out, or spanking.  How ever you chose to deal with the bhavior.)  That has helped me the most.

Thank you so kindly ladies for responding!

My son has had the same issues. Keep and eye on them, be firm and consistent. With DS, it helped a bit, but as it continued we had hime tested at 6.5 yrs and he has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. He's really a sweet, smart and funny young man, but all of that is lost at school when he has outburts.

At your daughter's age, impulsive behaviour is not uncommon. The frontal lobe of the brain that controls impulsivity develops differently for all kids. I hope she grows out of it. But if the same behaviours are manifesting themselves at age 5.5 to 6.5,  or if the agression ramps up to a few times per week, get an assessment done.

Good luck!