Mommy Guilt!

So, I think I'm going to start weaning Liam (he is 4 months tomorrow), and I'm going through some serious guilt over it. Why do we do this to ourselves as mothers?! For the first two months or so, I was producing way too much milk for him to drink. As a result he kept drinking the foremilk which is easier to get out and he'd leave behind all of the hindmilk. The fact that he was always leaving leftovers eventually caused my supply to drop right around the time I think he was having a growth spurt. As a result, he'd want to eat a couple of extra times to make up the difference, and it was always during our meal times. This made it so that either he or the rest of us were always left waiting for me to feed him, or he had to wait till I got lunch/dinner on the table for everyone else before I could feed him again. To combat this, I started giving him 2oz of formula after his two post-nap feedings. I figured by nursing him first it would hopefully keep from totally killing my supply. This was working for a few weeks, but then he hit another growth spurt and I was faced with the decision of keep giving him more formula, or try to increase my supply. Last weekend I decided to have a nursing marathon where I'd feed him every time he was hungry and give him no formula for a few days in order to get my body producing more. It was going great Friday and Saturday and I thought things were headed in the right direction, but then on Sunday he decided to revolt and was acting super hungry right after he'd suck me totally dry. I had to give in and give him formula cause I certainly didn't want to starve him.  Monday, I got some fenugreek and decided to give that a try.  I can definitely tell that my supply has increased, but now his "laziness" is becoming an issue again. This morning I was totally engorged and he just wanted to eat the easy stuff then move on to the next side. If I don't listen to him and I try to "make" him finish the first side, he starts to bite. So, now here I am with a decent supply again and a baby that would just be happier if I put a funnel in his mouth and let him eat that way! Such a man! I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with the idea of throwing in the towel, but I guess it is just because I nursed my first for 9 months even with going back to work. I can see a lot of benefits to just giving in, but at the same time I know that if I can just tough it out for a few more weeks, he'll be starting on cereal and things will be easier. Ugh! Why do we torture ourselves like this?! One minute I've made up my mind, I'll just keep nursing him for his first and last feedings of the day, and use formula for the rest... then he'll have a great feeding and I'm back to thinking that I can make this work a little longer. None of this seems to matter to my hubby, so he is of no help in deciding what to do. I'm just so torn! I guess I just want someone else to tell me what I have to do so that the "guilt" is off me. We go to the doctor next week and I don't think he's gained much weight since his 2 month visit (I think he is still not much more than 9lbs) so I pretty much know that they'll vote for adding in more formula.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Thanks for "listening" I feel better just getting all of that out!

Girl I feel your pain! It SUCKS when we can't nurse and want to! If your baby is only 9lbs at 4 months...they will definately want you to use formula and definately start feeding him cereal! I went this past week for my baby's 4 month appointment (he turned 4 months on Feb 25) and he was 12lbs and 13.5oz and was only in the 10th percentile...he was 25 inches which is the 50th percentile.....so yeah, if your baby is only 9lbs....that seems way to little! I know it's a hard decision....but do what is best for you and what will keep your sanity! Once I went with the formula, my guilt got better and better until it was no longer there! Just do what you feel is best! Sorry, I can't make that decision for you....but you will figure it out!

Yeah, he's a peanut.  My kids are always in the "below 3rd" percentile. I think the thing that frustrates me is that the milk is there, he's just not eating it.  Tomorrow we're trying formula for his daytime feedings, nursing in the morning and before bed... we'll see how that goes.  This way he can nurse when "the girls" are nice and full (aka "fast food") and then have formula for the other feedings.  Now begins the fun of deciding just how much to put in those bottles, and how often to feed him.  Good thing we don't have any plans for the weekend so we can play things by ear and feed on demand.  Maybe I'll treat myself to a new bra :)

Just a thought, but have you talked to a lacation consultant?  It sounds like you have enough milk and if it gets low, you can pump or use fenugreek to get it back up.  It sounds more like your son is the culprit and maybe they could help.....IF you want to keep breastfeeding!  I was totally bummed out each time (all 4 babies) that I didn't produce enough milk and had to subsitute.  As far as the bottles go, did you have a schedule while nursing?  If so, I would follow that....I would start with 3-4oz and add more if he's still hungry!  My lil man drinks 5-6oz (just started increasing to 6) every 3 hours. and he sleeps through the night (10-12 hours).  So he gets 5 bottles a day.  At my doctors office they said 24-32oz was normal for a 4 month old!  Hope I helped you out!  And definately treat yourself to something (new bra or otherwise) with whatever you decide!

It doesn't sound like you're pumping at all - might that help? With pumping, you don't have to wait for him to want to eat if you're uncomfortably engorged, and you can build up a supply of breastmilk so you would likely not have to supplement with formula when he decides to increase his appetite.

I met with a lactation consultant and they said that this age can be tough because the baby gets so easily distracted by the world around them rather than focusing on eating.  We thought if I had more milk that he might be more likely to hang on longer.  I really don't want to start pumping to bottle feed him because it is just too much of a PITA for me to be hooked up to the pump every 3 hours.  I'm going to keep nursing him twice a day so that he can still get the benefits of breast milk, but the "ease" of formula during the day when he is more awake and distractable.  I think this will be a good compromise for us.  He is on a pretty good schedule right now, but he eats every 2 hours during the day (sleeps for 12-13 at night) so I'm thinking this will change as he is able to eat larger "meals" less frequently.... we shall see.  Thanks for the input ladies! 

I also think it is such a difficult decision to make to stop BFing. We stopped right before my daughter was 3 months old. It ws just too difficult for me to pump and make up my time after I returned to work. It was a tough decision, but my philosophy was that the best thing I could do for her was to give her a mommy that was as stress free as possible. Once we got her on formula, I was so much more easy-going and we were able to enjoy eachother more. So that made it all worth it for me. I hope to go a little longer for my new baby when she is born, but Iwill not totally stress out if I can't. Hopefully you can find the right balance!

Tina