update

Oh Meli,  I'm sorry you've been struggling!

Sadly, after my third miscarriage I was drinking too much wine in the evenings myself.  Managed to pack on 8 pounds because of it (as if that helped anything!)  Be sure to keep dealing with the negative emotions,allow yourself to be mad!!!  It's not fair when we miscarry plan and simply not fair, and we feel why can she have a successful pregnancy the first time and I can't what's wrong with me??  Soooo normal, but also so hard!

SO, get mad, but try not to self destruct, you'll make yourself feel worse.  Remember too... give yourself and your body time!!  Depending on what research you read the average time to conceive for a healthy person with NO fertility issues is 4-6 months!!!!   It's so hard to remember it when you want to be pregnant NOW!  (I know this all too well)

Stay positive!!  and hang in there!

Best to you!
Linda

 thank you linda. thats what people who haven't gone through this don't get. they try to fix me and try to say "cheer up" or "focus on something else". but i just need to feel these feelings. there's no getting around this. just give me time to feel this. even if it sounds depressing. i just need to have this moment.

so thank you. you guys are giving me the support i haven't gotten anywhere else. you understand. thank god. i'm so sick of people judging me and telling me how to feel. i know its out of love but i felt so alone with no one who understands. so thank you so much. 

You know the greatest thing I get from your post on this thread is you know who you are and your feelings!! Let yourself feel the things you need to feel! You will have your ups and downs and your entitled to them! Give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing your feelings! You are strong and will get through your down times!!

 thank you!! thank you sooooo much. it helps me so much to hear that. i am entitled to these feelings. good bad and ugly.

thanks :) this helps. all this stuff helps.

Sorry love your feeling this way hugs to you!
I can tell you your more fertile now.I had my d&c in May and by July I was pregnant I hope the best for you and sending you lots and lots of prayers.

 thanks! thats what my doc is telling me. so i'm optimistic :)

Meli:  Be gentle with yourself and don't beat yourself up for moving through the process however you are.  TTC is a wild and crazy emotional ride from hell!  Add to that a MC (or 2 in my case) and it gets so much worse.  The rollercoaster emotional ride is brutal.  Clomid helps in having you produce multiple eggs per cycle (typically I dropped 2-3 eggs while on clomid) but that takes a big hormonal surge to happen.  Hormonal surge yields a bigger emotional rollercoaster ride.  It's wild.  I found myself binge eating like no body's business!  (yes emo eating is how I got to be 325 lbs!)  I was plowing through boxes of pop tarts each week for a few weeks during the process.  And hello... I'm a bariatric coach and support group leader who made it to goal!  This is a hell of a ride.  I went back to a therapist for a few months during the TTC time.  I felt that I really needed that help to get me through the emo ride from hell. 

Seek whatever help you can get.  Be gentle with yourself.  Don't beat yourself up anymore.  You're not alone.  Those of us who have had MCs and kept on going on the TTC trail know how hard this is.  It's rough.  keep breathing and try to find something that will help you through this.  Therapy, support groups, knitting, whatever.  Keep the faith.  Your child is on its way to you and ur DH.  Trust in the process.  it will happen.  Heck.. I'm 41 and if it happend for me, it will surely happen for you!  Take care, sweetie!

 thank you :) you ladies have made me feel so much better about this whole thing. no judgement. just understanding. it means a lot to have your support. and to see that no one is perfect and everyone does bad things sometimes. :)

thank you.

you're welcome.  you're human... just like all of us.  I really love this forum because we can all really relate to each other on so many levels.  TTC is soooooo challenging.  Couple that with not being able to deal with the emotions in the way we all used to for so long (self-destructive eating)... it's a mess!  But the great news is that you're not alone.  You can feel everything that you are feeling and we all understand cuz most of us have been there.  OH... and let your husband know he can feel his emotions too... being strong for you is really important and he is grieving this loss just as you are.  Give him the space to do so.   It will bring you both so much closer together during this entire process.

 yeah i keep telling him...i said, how do you feel? he said he was sad but didn't want to show it and make me sadder. i told him it would make me feel closer to him to know that i'm not alone and he feels it to. but he's not used to showing his feelings.