Am I giving up??? Long

I had a discussion with my midwife about a v-bac vs. repeat c-section.  She was at first encouraging me to try a v-bac.  I would have to switch hospitals to one about 15 minutes away, which is not a big deal. 

Then we talked about me/Sage being diagnosed with IUGR, which they didn't know about until she was born.  She was 40 weeks and weighed 6lbs 6oz, which we both agreed was normal, however, my doctor said my uterus was SO small he couldn't get his hand in to get her out.  I know it was my first c-section, but when they were getting her out, I could feel it was a struggle to get her out. 

I was going to the high risk the entire time last time and there was 10 weeks where I needed to go on blood thinners because there was not enough blood flow to my uterus.  I asked my midwife what the odds were that this would happen again. She said the odds are pretty good it happens a second time.  We would have to do another c-section in that case because they would have to take the baby early and they wouldn't give me pitocin because of my previous c-section.  And she said it doesn't present itself until 14-15 weeks, so we wouldn't know for sure until then.

After ALL of this info, I am considering a repeat c-section.  Although my midwife still says if my uterus is growing normally at 14-15 weeks I could switch hospitals and try a v-bac.  But switching doctors in the middle of my pregnancy would be kind of a pain.  The thing is I KNOW given the opportunity I could deliver naturally.  But with all these things in my mind I am just considering a repeat.  I feel like a complete failure and I am giving up on something I have wanted for SO long.  I know the baby's health comes first and foremost.  But they are saying there is a *chance* I could do it.  But it just all seems like a risk to switch from my doctors who know my exact situation to another doctor and hospital I know nothing about.

I need some opinions.  Please I am extremely emotional about this.  My husband is all for which ever I chose.  I am just so lost, and upset.  Thinking about giving birth to my children as a little girl. I never imagined being strapped down and cut open.  I always wanted that baby on my chest, daddy to cut the cord, ect...  I just need some encouragement....

Thanks for listening.

First of all, there is no shame in a repeat c section.
For me, I knew I wanted to try for a VBAC with my son since recovery time is shorter and overall it's better for the baby. A csection is MAJOR surgery. there are so many risks involved for both you and the baby but most people choose to ignore them since it seems like the "easier" option.

Sure there is a risk involved with a VBAC, too. After many long talks with my OB, I decided to at least try for one and if it looked like things weren't going well, resort to a repeat c section. I'm so glad I went for it. I went into labor naturally and had a beautiful VBAC and a healthy son. Daddy cut the cord, baby never left my side and was nursing just moments after birth. I was home with my baby in less than 24 hours and felt amazing. (ok, I was a little tired, but totally in awe that my body could push out this 8.8lb bundle of joy). lol
I know my experience won't be the same for every one, but why not at least try for a VBAC? WHat harm is there if your midwife is supportive, and the baby is being monitored?  If it looks like you're going to have the same problem with IUGR and placental bloodflow this time around, you can always change your mind.

You need to be safe for you and your baby. Do what is best in the long wrong for the baby. Sorry, but I think you should do the csection. Healthy mama and baby is what is important. Talk to the dr and see if it would be ok for him to cut the cord after delivery. Im sorry Im not encouraging you to do the VBAC. Think this way, while doing a VBAC and the baby gets stuck or baby doesnt like it they will still have to do an emergency C.  As for being strapped down, its so that you dont fall off the table.

For me, I'm choosing a repeat c-section only because of scar tissue and my other issues with the pregnancy.

I don't have any major words of encouragement, or advice because I've never had this desire to have that specific birth experience. I am in a weird place with my repeat c-section, and due to a clotting disorder and low platelets I might not be able to have an epidural and would have to undergo general anesthesia for the c-section which scares me to my core. I was awake with an epi for my son's c-section, and not knowing right now if my platelets will recover, and stabilizes really has me on edge.

I don't think you are giving up or are a failure by any means. I think you are in a situation facing a very difficult decision. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and hope for the best for you and your little one.

I completely understand. With my first daughter I was induced and went through days of labor then about 3 hours of pushing which ended in C section cause basically she got stuck and I was unable to push her out. I too felt like a "failure" and wanted to do it vaginally the next time around, but as time passed I began to think about how I'd feel if I went through all that labor again just to get another repeat C section. My first C section sucked too, so I REALLY didn't want another one. I had infection which I had to be hospitalized for. I so DID NOT want to do a repeat C section, but when I got pregnant with Harmony, I was asked if I wanted to do VBAC or repeat C section and they told me to think about this. Would you be happy with the experience if you did the VBAC and you still ended up having a C section? If the answer is yes then try for a VBAC if not, then you should consider the repeat C section. So I chose the repeat C section and to be honest, it was the awesomest birth experience! I did not have to endure labor, I was not completely wiped out and was able to enjoy her that entire day and didn't have to sleep until that evening. My pain was manageable as long as I took my meds as soon as I felt pain, I was fine, sore of course but pretty great. I had no discomfort during the actual procedure which was great cause first time around, it sucked. I got to plan the day and have everything set and ready to go. The planned C section was just a great experience for me.  But you need to do what your gut tells you to do. If you would beat yourself up everyday for not at least attempting a VBAC, then I think you need to try it. Of course this is considering everything is healthy with your pregnancy and you don't have IUGR.

It is a tough boat to be in!  I know, cause I'm right here with you!  My practice has 5 OB's and right now they're pretty split on whether or not I should try for a VBAC.  I, like you, really want that picture perfect birth where they put the baby on your chest and everything is hunky dory!  (Not to mention I want the quicker recovery). I'm 21 weeks along and I'm still no closer to a decision than I was when I first got pregnant.  For me, I went into labor on my own, and progressed normally.  I pushed for about 3 hours and the baby was stuck.  They did a c-section only to find out that she was only 6lb 3oz and still didn't manage to fit through my little pelvis.  Now, if I try for a VBAC this could very well be the case again... but I think I'm willing to risk that.  I just don't know... ugh! Good luck with your decision!

i would just wait and see.. wait and see if issues come about.. and if they do make your choice then..

Awwwww...... I can hear why you are very emotional. I am opting for a VBAC. If you feel it is what you feel is best for you and baby. You are not a failure, you have grown a little miricle inside you and the baby will be healthy and happy. Wishing the best for you!!!!!!!