Speaking of support...kinda long

 I think I need some. I was lucky to have a great recovery in the hospital and at home but I had one issue and it is really bothering me these last two days. I have read everywhere that breastfeeding isn't as easy as everyone thinks. That you have to keep working to make it happen. Well in the hospital Liam wouldn't latch on. I had the consultants come and help us out and we had two problems right off the bat. My nipples invert when you go to bring the breast to the baby.. and the baby had a weak/difficult time sucking. They think his tongue might be attached alittle to far out on the tongue so he can't stick it out all the way. 

In the hospital we tried everything like shields and different positions. It was frustrating for us both. And I could only sometimes get him to latch even with the shield. Finally he got too weak where he wouldn't even suck a finger in his mouth so the consultant gave me the option of supplementing with formula because he was going to be too weak to keep trying with the breast alone. Meanwhile they set me up with a pump. Come to find out  nothing was even coming out of the one breast he had a better time getting ahold of. So the few times he did latch on, there was nothing for him. 

 Once with the pump and formula in place things turned around. He has been doing great with the bottle. I still didn't make enough to breast feed alone so he got formula too. This has continued at home. But he is getting more and more formula as he needs more and I still don't make enough for him. Dispite pumping every 3 hours. I keep trying to get him to latch too. I am tried of pumping when it is for 1 feeding in a day. But i feel guilty. And I feel distressed because I always wanted to be a mother but I had physical things (the shape of my pelvic bone and inverted nipples) that make me feel like a broken woman. One who shouldnt have beable to have a baby. My hormones are making me weapy.

I know alot of you guys are already moms so I was looking for some motherly insight/advice/experiences since this is my first baby. Sorry for this whinefest.

Totally not a whinefest at all! Not even close! 
Breastfeeding is a huge challenge for many women, both mentally and physically. Personally, your story resonates because I had so many challenges with my first daughter and am hoping things go differently with this one. I know you're a good momma, and I know your prioroity is a healthy happy baby who is thriving and developing ... I feel very strongly that you need to do what you need to do to keep your baby happy and healhty. If that means supplementing, then so be it. If it means continuing to pump for that once a day feeding, then so be it. Follow your instincts, and do what you feel is best for your family. I know there's a really strong guilt factor, but don't let it make you feel like less of a woman or a less attentive mother because BFing isn't working out. It doesn't all the time, no matter how hard we try or what we do. I wonder if there is a La Leche League near you or another support group type situation for new BFing mothers? I made some really good friends at mine, and they still loved and supported me when I made the decision to stop BFing at 8 weeks and go exclusively to formula.

Sorry it took me so long to reply. I had to take a break from it all. I would break down everytime i tried to reply to everyone. Damn hormones. Liam just had a dr appt and he is perfect. Dr said his weight gain is right on track. My big boy is now 7lbs 8 oz!! That is huge to me.  Getting confirmation from the Dr that he is doing well helped me calm down some. For now I am going to pump what I can and just use formula for what I can't provide. I took a whole day off of pumping and just did formula. Regardless if that is what the consultations would have approved of or not. I needed the break and to see how i felt when I wasn't feeling enslaved to the pump.

Thank you for your story. I will look into support groups as well. I pumped this morning after the dr visit and got enough for a bottle. I feel alittle better with acceptng that I am going to do what I can while I can and then reevaluate when I have to.

I totally hear you.  I was going "all natural" when I was in labor.  I didn't want drugs, pit, an epidural ect... and I ended up with a c-section.  Made me feel completely inadequate.  I still get depressed about not being able to "deliver" her.  It's getting better but it takes a long time to get over.

The first thing Sage had in the hospital was formula... I guess I didn't realize she would want to eat RIGHT away, and I was in so much pain I couldn't do it.  Then I tried later that night and things were going well but it was HARD.  I could not believe something so natural would be so difficult.  After a week we discovered Sage had 2 pretty scary health problems, so I stopped breastfeeding.  I felt terrible.  I was so stressed it wasn't working for me, and if I was distressed, she would be.  Now I have a happy, healthy, beautiful 13 month old!  In the scheme of things, we picked what was best.  If formula will work better, do that.  If you want to still try and pump too, maybe that's an option.  Dont feel bad, even though I know it is easier said than done.

My feelings are strange to me because I was never one who cared about all natural. We have medicines for pain so why not use them was my belief. That is why it took me by such surprise when I got upset about the bfing.. while pregnant I didn't even know if I wanted to do it past my leave from work. But I guess it is one thing to decide to stop and another thing when it sorta gets forced upon you when things dont work out.

Thank you for your story as well. It helps seeing and hearing about other happy healthy babies who did just as well on formula.

With my 1st who just turned 12 I did not even try to breastfeed. I was extremely big breasted (bigger then her head) and I was afraid that I may somehow suffocate or injure her. When she was 13 months old I had a breast reduction knowing that if I had more children it may make breastfeeding challenging. I had my 2nd back in 2006 and I really wanted to nurse him so I tried. I was producing but my nipple shape from my reduction made it very hard for him to latch on. To top it off my now exhusband was deployed, I had a c-section, lived on the 3rd floor of apt building with NO elevator and I had no family here so I elected not to stress out about nursing and gave him formula. He had issues with his tummy and ended up needing nutramagin and then I felt guitly for the 1st time for not nursing him. I knew in my head that with all the other life stresses that were going on the stress and learning of nursing a baby was something that I could eliminate from my plate. I am not pregnant with my 3rd and have decided to place this child up for adoption to a couple that is great friends of mine. I know this is my last baby and for me one of the saddest parts of this process is not being able nurse. I am going to pump for as long as I can and provide them with the milk. Long story short, do what is best for YOU and YOUR BABY!! A happy mama makes for a happy baby :)

The size of my breasts do not help matters either! Yeah the stress of being a single mom on top of everything else doesn't make things any easier. Thank you for sharing. What you are going through now must be very hard. The couple are very lucky to have someone like you.

I had a very hard time getting Austin in a position to breastfeed.  I was 280+ pounds and it just was difficult.  I finally found the 'football' hold to work and even then it would take work.  I would say it took me a good 2 to 3 weeks before I felt even remotely good at breastfeeding.  That is with all the help in the hospital and a nurse who came to see me a couple times. 

I had to supplement off and on during that time as well. 

I hope it works out for you.  I know it can be frustrating and you want them to eat and you keep trying and it just won't 'work'.  But.. it will happen.  You are doing a great job of trying. 

That all I can give for experience and I fear it is not very helpful.

hugs

The football hold has been the best for me as well. At this point though he doesnt even try to suck when I do get into what I think is the correct position. It is kinda frustrating when I think I got it all in place but he wont do his part!

Your post made me cry!! I know how you feel- I have had BF issues with all 3 of my kiddos and fully expect to have them again this fall when Colton is born. I know the broken heart breaking feeling. I don't have advice on how to fix the BF issues (and I will be watching this post for advice too) but please know you are truly everything you need! He needs unconditional love and attention which you obviously have for him. Formula is temporary. Hang in there Momma- I promise it gets better!!!